nospam99 Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 So I'm 'carrying on' with my efforts to meet women on OLD. I saw a new profile this morning. She passed all my filters and as much as I could tell I passed hers. So sent her a message and she responded pretty quickly. We arranged for me to phone her just now and had a 10 minute talk. She seems okay - nice lady, working grandmother, talked about how close we each are with our kids - a 'good' woman as near as I could tell with a 10 minute phone call. But .... She said she had trouble understanding how to set up her profile. So all the common interests that made her profile 'pop up on my radar' sound like they're not really things she does. Rather that she'd be interested in doing .... maybe. She says she works M-F and cut off the conversation without making plans to meet in person. On the other hand she left it 'open' for me to call or message her to try to make plans to meet. This is a first for me. The other dozen or so women I've 'met' in my current foray into dating were quick to plan an in person meeting during the first phone call. So the 'vibe' I'm getting is a polite 'really not interested'. That being the case, my inclination is to politely just not contact her again and move on. Opinions? Should I just 'move on'? Or give her a chance? If I call her again all I could comfortably suggest at this point is an in person meeting. But like I said, she pretty much ducked discussing that idea with any specifics. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 I don’t care for her rushing you off the phone with no plan to meet because it smacks of low interest. That said, you have nothing to lose by asking her out except time/money wasted if you take her out. Personally I would bail for a more interested option. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 If she left it open to try to get together, then text her for the weekend. Try a Saturday lunch. Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 Opinions? Should I just 'move on'? Or give her a chance? If you have nothing else going on, I'd look into it a bit further. She was confused by the interests section, maybe she's not too savvy at this (and in that regard, I can relate). Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 Are you a man? Sorry I can't remember. Reason I ask if that she might be waiting for you to plan and set the date. I'm not sure how you got onto the subject of availability but it sounds like she is open to meeting. I can't see any uninterested vibe from what you've written. A first chat may be a bit awkward and not flow but you should give it a shot if you're keen. Edit:sorry I missed the last sentences. How did she duck the subject? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 (edited) I can't see any uninterested vibe from what you've written. A first chat may be a bit awkward and not flow but you should give it a shot if you're keen. She cut the conversation after ten minutes, reticent about setting up a meeting, and seems confused about creating a profile and selecting valid interests... and on the positive side, she passed your filters and seems "nice." My experience is that it only works out with women who are not afraid to show enthusiasm. I can't imagine chasing someone who terminates the first call after ten minutes. Being inept with respect to setting up a profile would be a turn off for me, but perhaps it's not for you. My advice would be to either let it go, or at most meet for coffee or a walk in the park. If you decide to meet and she doesn't bring some positive energy, cut it short and move along. I feel like I could write a book on trying to date older women, but I'll spare you the detail and just say that when it's working your will feel the attraction and good energy. The absence of either means it's a no. The trifecta: emotional-physical-intellectual. It takes all three, two won't do. Edited September 11, 2018 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted September 11, 2018 Author Share Posted September 11, 2018 Cold, 'mechanical' details ... Passing filters: age, location, height, body type, appearance, non-smoking, social drinking, income, marital status, family values, ethnicity, religion Profile common interests: It's match.com. I look for dancing, hiking, and exploring. She has them checked off but in conversation says she does not do them. The actual interest she described was international travel which I am, at best, indifferent to. Conversation flow: Everything she said represented her having the good personal values I'm hoping for in a woman to meet and explore building an LTR with. However all my probing/questions about when and where to meet got responses of changing the subject. She talked about it being okay for me to contact her later in the week to continue discussion about meeting. At no point did she explicitly say she was interested in meeting me. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 If she isn't showing interest I wouldn't waste anymore time on her I'd just move on to someone else more interested. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 Cold, 'mechanical' details ... Passing filters: age, location, height, body type, appearance, non-smoking, social drinking, income, marital status, family values, ethnicity, religion Profile common interests: It's match.com. I look for dancing, hiking, and exploring. She has them checked off but in conversation says she does not do them. The actual interest she described was international travel which I am, at best, indifferent to. Conversation flow: Everything she said represented her having the good personal values I'm hoping for in a woman to meet and explore building an LTR with. However all my probing/questions about when and where to meet got responses of changing the subject. She talked about it being okay for me to contact her later in the week to continue discussion about meeting. At no point did she explicitly say she was interested in meeting me. Changing the subject when you asked her out should be enough reason to block and move on. I see your confusion though - why would she be open to speaking again if she wasn’t interested? Typically it’s because women enjoy the attention and validation from male suitors even if they have no interest in dating them. You might have heard the term “orbiter”. Don’t waste your time. When a woman is interested in you she will make it easy to take her out - not more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted September 11, 2018 Author Share Posted September 11, 2018 Changing the subject when you asked her out should be enough reason to block and move on. I see your confusion though - why would she be open to speaking again if she wasn’t interested? Typically it’s because women enjoy the attention and validation from male suitors even if they have no interest in dating them. You might have heard the term “orbiter”. Don’t waste your time. When a woman is interested in you she will make it easy to take her out - not more difficult. Yeah ... confusion (on my part) She may be, as you suggest, an attention whore. On the other hand and to be fair to her, I'm pretty sure it was her first day on match.com and all the indications are she's savvy about neither OLD mechanics nor 'the dating game'. My inclination is still to 'move on'. But with the confusion factor this particular contact has me uncharacteristically uncertain. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 you should talk with her once more, you never know... Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 Yes, since you're torn, give her one more shot. Maybe she's just really anxious and inexperienced with OLD and that's why she cut the call short, she was nervous. Maybe she has friends telling her to make the guy do the chasing and to not appear too interested. She's probably getting the same mixed set of advice as you are from various sources. So contact her and suggest meeting - a specific date, time and place - and see what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 Here it'd be pretty rare she'd wanna meet or go throwing herself out there after 10 min phone calls especially brand new at the old stuff. More like usually at least a few phone calls and needing to see how serious you were. And l'd imagine even moreso so for an older lady. but there is a difference between that and just plane old no vibe, l'd just call her back if your interested, see if things liven up. Link to post Share on other sites
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