OW's profile pic is her and my husband

[phoenix_7]

I’ve been NC with my husband for more than a year now. I never replied to his hoovering, and blocked all forms of communication with him so that I can heal. I am doing quite well right now until a friend of mine sent me a pic of his mistress’ social media page: Her profile pic is already the two of them together. My friend means well, mind you. She just wants to give me a heads up. Legally, we are not separated yet. Why would his mistress do this publicly seeing that this will just increminate them both after denying about their affair?

[Wildflower201]

I’ve been NC with my husband for more than a year now. I never replied to his hoovering, and blocked all forms of communication with him so that I can heal. I am doing quite well right now until a friend of mine sent me a pic of his mistress’ social media page: Her profile pic is already the two of them together. My friend means well, mind you. She just wants to give me a heads up. Legally, we are not separated yet. Why would his mistress do this publicly seeing that this will just increminate them both after denying about their affair?

 

Hi Phoenix, I'm sorry about what you're dealing with. I know that in my search for answers I wished for someone to come and clarify the actions of the other people in my situation. I always looked for whys.

 

I cannot say for certain why the OW posted a pic of her and your H. I can say that from the way that I looked at things, I was trying to feel legitimate. I was trying to justify the affair by making people see that the feelings were real, and that the MM wanted me. It makes you feel better when other people see your relationship as something good, or meaningful, or more than just sex. It is likely that it makes her feel less like a mistress, which is something a lot of OW actually don't want to feel. Just my two cents.

[FMW]

If it's been more than a year since you've been ignoring your husband and you don't live together then he most likely has a legal case for claiming abandonment. In which case having a picture of her and her "friend" (as they can claim) on her social media doesn't have much impact.

 

My question is not why his affair partner is showing a lack of class, but why you are still married to someone you completely ignore. Seems like a situation just begging for contentious and awkward events (like their picture on a public site).

[phoenix_7]

he cannot claim abandonment since he is the one who left; he chose her. i used the word "husband" because we are still in the process of a divorce, and it is not finalized yet. I am ignoring him because this already happened before with the same woman months before our final separation. He was crying, denying everything, begging for forgiveness, and i took him back but still he was seeing her. I don't want to listen to his lies anymore, thus that's why i am ignoring him. he smeared me to people saying that i was just jealous and crazy, and now lo and behold, he is already in the OW's prof pic with her arm around him.

Edited September 12, 2018 by phoenix_7

[phoenix_7]

Hi! thank you for replying. I really do not understand why both of them are being nasty to me. I didn't do anything to them. the OW used to be my friend btw. they are open to their circle of friends, they go out etc. but i am not sure if my H's family already met the OW. I dunno what triggered the OW to do what she did seeing that i just kept quite after more than a year.

[FMW]

It's definitely lacking in taste, but the OW probably feels insecure that he's still legally married to you so she's staking a claim however she can. Most of the time, unless he's spending marital funds on her, an affair isn't going to make a big difference in a divorce settlement anyway.

 

Try to get the divorce over as soon as possible, if you are ignoring him and avoiding contact (understandably) then there is no reason to stretch this out.

 

My divorce went fairly quickly and I was the one who chose to end the marriage (my husband wasn't an innocent victim since he had been repeatedly unfaithful). Although from separation to decree was only about 10 months, he taunted me with his stripper girlfriend and generally made me want to smack him (although all in all the divorce was fairly amicable).

 

Once the decree was signed it really did make a big psychological difference to me, I no longer felt any attachment to what he (or she) did. That's why I'm saying get the divorce over with. And never look back.

[phoenix_7]

Thank you! I feel so much better now. yes, i am using the pic as evidence. I'm gathering as much as I can. you are right, she is probably insecure. they are "open' to their circle of friends but i am not sure if my H introduced her to his family. I was just curious what triggered her to be nasty since i just kept quite about everything. i did not do anything that will provoke her to post that.

[d0nnivain]

Print out the picture & take it to your lawyer.

 

You can't go full NC until the divorce is final, sorry. Get that moving.

[Wildflower201]

Hi! thank you for replying. I really do not understand why both of them are being nasty to me. I didn't do anything to them. the OW used to be my friend btw. they are open to their circle of friends, they go out etc. but i am not sure if my H's family already met the OW. I dunno what triggered the OW to do what she did seeing that i just kept quite after more than a year.

 

No problem. My exMM said a lot of negative things about his wife. If your H has done this, I could see them being nasty to you. It isn't right, but it fits logically.

 

That's awful that OW used to be your friend. I just don't understand how friends can do such things. I have such trouble with people who have the ability to be a part of your life but betray you like that. It was a huge sore spot for me and exMM.

 

Sometimes, Phoenix, just existing is a problem for other people. You are married to the man that she wants, so you're the enemy.

 

Other times, guilt and shame are so strong that you project what's inside onto other people.

[shellybing]

Hi! thank you for replying. I really do not understand why both of them are being nasty to me. I didn't do anything to them. the OW used to be my friend btw. they are open to their circle of friends, they go out etc. but i am not sure if my H's family already met the OW. I dunno what triggered the OW to do what she did seeing that i just kept quite after more than a year.

 

They are not thinking of you. If your husband was with another woman, and you guys divorced, he was over you long before you ever seperated. It is not about you anymore, it is about their new relationship. It's not easy getting over this, but get yourself a new life and dont worry about them. Yes, it is a dig, but they are living their lives. You should too.

[basil67]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. You mentioned that the photo would incriminate them. On what grounds you see them as being incriminated?

[Wildflower201]

They are not thinking of you. If your husband was with another woman, and you guys divorced, he was over you long before you ever seperated. It is not about you anymore, it is about their new relationship. It's not easy getting over this, but get yourself a new life and dont worry about them. Yes, it is a dig, but they are living their lives. You should too.

 

I'm slower to heal and slower to move. The above is the advice that the majority of people have given me, and I'm not saying it's wrong, it's just not how I'm built and I haven't been able to do it this way.

 

If you are able to, it's definitely best.

[pepperbird]

Sounds like a case of the emperor and his new clothes. All shine and no substance.

 

 

my guess would be she is insecure and trying to put on a good front.

 

 

In the end, what did she get? A guy she can't trust and she has to lie to herself about his ability to be faithful.

 

 

I understand it's upsetting, but in the end, you will come out on top. You'll find happiness either with someone else or on your own, while she'll never be able to truly trust him. You won't need to post photos to convince both the world and yourself that all is well.

[bathtub-row]

I don’t think they see it as doing anything to you. You and your husband aren’t talking and, for all intents and purposes, your marriage is over. I’m not sure why who he dates has any bearing on your divorce, even if he did have an affair. But maybe it does. Regardless, get the divorce over with and free yourself from him.

[Artdeco]

I don’t think a judge would care whether or not your ex has a GF, especially not after one year of NC. I don’t understand what kind of evidence that particular profile picture would provide after one year of separation.

[Happy Lemming]

Do you want him back??

 

If not, what do you care??

 

Delete it and move on. Tell your friend not to forward that nonsense to you.

[preraph]

Cheating isn't anything that figures in when you're divorcing anyway. You can't get more money or have any advantage from being cheated on legally. so there's no reason to conceal it. Why haven't you sent him his papers? Why should she hide? You two have been separated for a year and he's with her. If I were her, I'd be telling him to serve papers right away, but other than that, he's moved on and I'm sorry it's hurting you, but you should sign papers and be done with him.

[Normm]

You've been ignoring him for a year, he's clearly with another woman and you aren't even legally separated yet?

 

 

Why not??

[stillafool]

I doubt this woman was even thinking about you when she posted the pic. They are now a couple, you guys have been separated for a year so she now considers him her man. I would definitely tell your friend that you appreciate it but not to report anymore information about them to you.