Love_aint_happenin Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 I am the lady in question.......................................................................... How do I come to an honest answer. The "down the road guy" has many great qualities 2 teenage girls, their mother commited suicide 4 years ago, depression bi-polar. "ain't happpening" has made many mistakes including denying any feelings for me while conversing with his X, with whom he has a small child with. He reasons he must keep her happy for visitation purposes. My children also left to go live with their father because of extreme dislike of "Aint happening". I am torn , they say hindsight is 20/20 ! But can people really change. I am not asking for change, he has realized changes must occur or the enevitable will result (alone). Please anyone. "ain't happening" is saying, doing, all the right things for the moment. PS We both agreed on not crossing the line with intimacy issues. We both have morals.????????????????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love_aint_happenin Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 Thread started here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t69763/ My so called X wanted to post here, so I said she could do so under my account. Hence the above post made by her. I admit the conversing with other X for the sake of my daughter. However, this X's children came to hate me because I tried to teach them some respect and values which they were obviously lacking. They, especially the older one 13, had no respect for their mother nor I and living under the roof I provided. This to me was unacceptable. She and I almost always agreed on specific punishments for actions they had taken. We tried grounding, taking away phone and TV privileges, but to no avail. The oldest ended up going to stay with his dad and it was agreed by his Grandmother and Aunt and others that it was about time that happened. The younger then became totally defiant to any rule or regulation, gave up in school and didn't pass 6th grade. I took his failing school very personally, thinking I had failed him. I have 3 sons of my own 15,12,and 10 and I've never encountered such defiance and rebellion from them. They know Dad wouldn't accept it. So I tried the same father tactics on her children, but I failed. For instance, her boys and another neighborhood boy completely trashed a car on said neighbor boys property. They broke out every window and evry light, caved the roof in, ruined it! It happened to be boy #3's step grandmothers car and was only worth about 300 bucks, so to the approval of all parents, I told them they had to each earn $100 to pay for the car. However, they had to seek their own employment in the neighborhood and were not allowed to earn more than $2/hr and also had to explain to their employer what they had done and why. Well, I ended up providing some of the work for them because it was winter time and they had a deadline to make. They all made it. I told them if we don't show them stiff consequences for their actions, then it would escalate to something else that would land them in jail someday! I worked on their motorcycles and bicycles for and with them, bought their gas, fixed flat tires etc. and this is what I get, hatred. Both boys are currently living with their father now, but she wants them to come home. The younger wants to stay with dad so he can go on to 7th grade and not repeat 6th here and the older told his mother he was afraid he might hurt her. He said she backs him into a corner when being scolded and he's afraid he's gonna blow up and hurt her! What to do? I truly do love her with all my heart. I don't know, maybe I need to move on and leave this lady alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love_aint_happenin Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 Anyone have any thoughts or input on this situation? Please even? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love_aint_happenin Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 I guess I'll just keep updating here, or perhaps I should have made a proper introduction. I'm a 44 YO male, self employed masonry contractor, been married once, have 3 boys ages 15, 12, 10. We were together for 16 yrs. and married for 11. I think we grew apart as we got older and i was always working too many hours and days striving for the "American Dream". She, "the lady in Q?" is 33 and is the mother of the 2 boys in previous post. She's been married twice. First husband became paranoid schizophrenic and quit work and basically left her no choice in life but to leave him and move on. Second husband treated her badly as far as respect goes and he tells me her oldest son was a major part of their divorce, they have remained friends and kept contact until she recently found out, 2 weeks after their wedding that he cheated on her! They were married for 3 years. She tells me all she wants is to be loved and I can see it in her eyes through her tears even. I've come to realize that I love this woman to no end and I want ohhhh soooo much, the chance to not just tell her, but show her how much I love her! Her latest BF just kicked her out last night because he found out she spent the night with me Wednesday. She fell asleep on the couch and I covered her with a blanket and I went to bed. She loves me, this I know. She said she's been with him to get away from and get over me but it isn't working out that way. She called at 6:30 AM today and asked if she could come home, I said of course you can, it IS your home. She arrived around 8:30 AM and we've been talking all morning, then she went to her sisters house to take a shower, called and asked if she could have 5-7 days to stay at sis's house with NC between her and I as well as her and him. I said "whatever it takes is fine with me". I want her back, but I want all of her, not part of her. My boys and I are going camping this weekend and I all but begged her to come with, but I understand her wanting time to sort things out and clear her head. Will one or more of you "wiser than I" individuals PPPPPPPleeeeaassee (said like Roger Rabbit) respond, toss me a bone, anything. I do kindly thank you,...................in advance even. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 I don't understand your story. It's all over the place. What happened between the two of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love_aint_happenin Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 I was afraid of letting her know how I felt about her from the beginning. I feared she would take my heart and run away with it,............leaving me without one! She pointed out to me that all the women in my life have left me. My Mom died 6 days before my 16 Bday, my wife left me for another guy, the mother of my daughter (shoulda mentioned her in previous post, but X did so for me) decided she couldn't change or control me, so she left as well. There's a link on second post of this thread where it all started. Thank you JS17 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love_aint_happenin Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 Mercy, JS17 you're right, I started somewhere in the middle, proceeded to the end, and am now at the beginning of the story. Sorry for the confusion, I guess it's a prime example of what's happening between my heart and my head! My sincerest appologies. Link to post Share on other sites
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