Clearing the Air

[Mysterio]

I have shared this before. I just need some insight.

 

 

 

So for the third time this yr. My friend SD's friends's GF-C. Out of the blue has stated that she think that SD and I are not close/When SD has a party. I am not invited.

 

 

C and I work in the same workplace but different jobs. I run into her now and then.

 

 

 

SD sent me a message like this in 2013 and I don't know why this part of the message irks so much. I can't put my finger on it. Keep in mind that SD and I only had three get together s before he sent this message. Feb 2012/Early July 2012/Late August 2012 and a phone call from me that was not returned in Nov 2012. I called him in Jan 2013 and this is what he shared with me.

 

 

 

SD-Message-Hey Mysterio,

 

I have been really busy over last few months.

 

Just so you know I don't really call any of my friends to do stuff. Most of my friends like M or K. I only see a few times a year.

 

Over summer I had over 10 interviews when looking for job that kept me busy.

 

I work shift work (3p-11p, 11p-7a, 7a-3p...) So I find that I sleep more now to adjust to it.

 

Also Dec was really busy for me as I was investigating different universities and sent in applications.

 

But things are going really well for me and I am happy, I just have been very busy.

 

Hope you are doing good. Maybe we can get together with M in Feb.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what bothers me is that even though he sent this message to me. I felt singled out and I can't imagine that M/K have the same message to them.

 

 

 

Am I hyper sensitive to this or what. I have gone to school and other friends. We never had to say anything like this. Its not like I am calling SD to do time consuming activities. At this point in time. He would have been in his 3rd yr of school. So its not like I am calling him to do anything major and even talking on the phone/e-mails were not in abundance at that time.

 

 

 

I wish he would have gotten back to me by E-mail in Nov of 2012 and said. I got your message. I am just a bit busy. I have time to get together with you and M in Feb-2013 and if that does not work May/Aug sometime. That is more simplistic than this message that he sent to me.

 

 

 

When he sent me that message. I was agitated by it. So from that point on. I gave SD super space. So its to the point where we barley talk or interact and now my Co-worker is curious about the state of our friendship.

 

 

 

I did see and talk to SD this yr on May. I am wanting to speak to him about this. I don't know how I should go about this. I have arranged to talk to him about this on Sunday.

 

 

 

My thing is that because SD wrote this and has not invied me to his parties. C thinks something is wrong. M/K go to the parties so whats the sudden problem with me. There has never been some problem that I am aware of.

 

 

 

Any insight would be grateful.

[Zapbasket]

If you and SD once had been very good friends who did things together often and shared confidences as well as activities, I'd say go ahead and broach the subject.

 

But if that note was the last real communication you've had with SD since January 2013, and you were just friendly acquaintances before that, it's past time to let it go. You possibly are not invited to the parties because SD has communicated with C that indeed you two are NOT close.

 

I'm sorry :-( I just think when someone consistently, and repeatedly, turns down your invitations over an extended period of time, you have to just assume they don't want to spend time with you for whatever reason and move on to other friends. Remember, too, that often it's not really about YOU--there are a number of people where I live who kept inviting me to things and I turned them down not because I disliked them, but because I was going through a major life depression / transition and I just didn't have the energy for small talk and nor did I feel I knew them well enough to confide such deep emotions to them. At another time, I'd have accepted their invitations.

 

Again, if at one time you really were close, then I don't think there's a time expiration for confronting the issue of why you broke apart. If you were never close, then you do have to let SD go, which I know sucks.

[preraph]

I have no idea what all those abbreviations are. But if someone tells you they're busy, just assume they're too busy to give you any priority.

[Mysterio]

I guess from my view. I don't like SD's Buddys' GF inquiring to me if we are still close/Why are you not at the parties. I am the one that is not invited to his parties if he has one. I have been to them in the past. I know the people there. M is always there, who is our shared friend.

 

Our dynamic was 4 times a yr. Not 4 times a week/month or even 10 times in a row.

 

I just find it murky to be in this situation. I have made arrangements to talk this Sunday.

 

We are supposed to get together with our friend M the week after. I think I am hypersensitive, but I did not put us in this situation. I should be on par with M. M goes to the parties. So whats the problem with me. Thats why I am posting to see if something sounds off. I guess until Sunday. I will have to play it chill.

 

I have talked to some other people and they think its odd that he is kind of like this. He never was before 2013. I had a friend that went to Chiropractic School for 3 yrs. He never had to say anything like I don't call anyone to do anything with. I have another friend that has his own company and opened a new division and all we do is plan get togethers in advance.

 

Sometimes I think that on my side. I have re evaluate people and try not to be everyones best friend. I can't. Some people have to stay aquintances.

Edited September 13, 2018 by Mysterio