My "looks" has ZERO chance. But my personality..

[stuck_in_the_past]

So, I am not mad or insecure. Not a self hater. I'm actually not 'bad' looking, just short and I embody this "90s" look...

 

Not a good thing on the "LA" based dating site. Lol. But- simply put, I'm "undatebable".

 

I become too snarky. My personality, I can tell- turns em off. I talk too, um, like a boss or something. Like a know it all. But reason is, it was what "worked in 1998" and I simply am crazy and sticking to it. Unable to adjust to "today".

 

I do not look like boys the girls on OKC normally date. I work in downtown LA so I'm well aware.

 

My question is, I just... well, I don't know what my question is. Maybe, IS THERE A BETTER site than OKC for my 'type'?

 

And second, is WHY NOT like me, sheesh. In real life, I got women friends. Mostly my sisters. But I have my own crew too. They all from H.S., so they embody the 90s thing too. Only they paired up. Made babies. I'm the left over.

 

What are some other areas on the 'net... I just realized too, I actually AM a "conservative", but I'm sort of a self-team hater... ya know?

 

Oh yeah, and I'm short.

[5x5]

Oh yeah, and I'm short.

 

So?

 

I have plenty of male friends who are short, yet plenty of them haven't lacked for female suitors or ongoing sexual relationships.

 

In fact all of them are still married with the exception of one, and he still doesn't lack for women and sexual relationships with them.

 

My divorced friend (5'5") always found it easy to get attractive girls in high school. And has continued the same with attractive women, through into being near 50, even though he is fat and not wealthy.

 

One of my other friends (5'4") who I served with in the Army, is one of the most pretty looking men I have ever seen (he knows it), and he has never lacked for pretty women chasing him, and is happily married to a beautiful woman.

 

Another one of my former Army mates, is also short at just over 5'3" and he was never handsome and from a young age was balding. Yet he has also never lacked for female suitors either with plenty of them being pretty as well.

 

Then there is me, I'm 5'3" yet I never lacked for some girls in high school. Just as I have never lacked for some women suitors and sexual relationships as an adult. On many occasions at parties, clubs, pubs and in their homes or mine, I have had women asking me out, or offering me sex.

 

Plus when I was younger 16-22 I had a few offer me their virginity (since they explicitly said so), of whom I availed myself of such offers on all but two of those occasions (the first I turned down was when I was 16 and she was 18).

 

Likewise I have been married twice (still married now at 19+ years in the second instance), plus I turned down one other marriage proposal.

 

I've been with plenty of attractive women and have turned down plenty as well, just as I've been turned down by some as well.

 

I've also had some married women and some women with boyfriends offer me sex over the years as well. On lesser occasion I've also had some men ask me or make offers of sex as well. For example my current wife (who is 5'7") was in a sexual relationship with another (tall) man, when she asked me out on a date then dumped him after our date.

 

My daughter from my first marriage is married to a short man. One of my nieces recently got married to a short guy as well. My short brothers are also married.

 

Sure dating and finding sexual relationships is a competitive sport, in which not everyone does well. Yet plenty of tall men suck at getting to be with women, just as plenty of short men suck at it as well.

 

Height needn't limit ones success at such things at all.

 

Being short is not a disability.

[stuck_in_the_past]

I agree.

 

Like I was saying I'm not a mad angry short. I too dated 'lots' but that was in the 90's/00's when I guess I was more of the style of the day.....

 

I notice lot of short guys who are married too. Actually let me tell you a story. I used to think most short guys were 'lame geeky' and that's why you seen so many stories. But my last roomate, a girl, brought her BF over. I was expecting some tall trendy guy. Nope. Shorter than me.

 

But I know how they really work better when they meet early on. Say, high school sweetharts. The girl doesn't care then.....

 

I was like that too, had girls coming to me in H.S. I was too shy, so it wasn't til few years later (and the internet) I finally got 'the feeling' and then things went good.

 

My mistake was not having kids/marry any. Because, I thought, tbh I'd still have a chance today... (i know, that was/is my main mistake).

 

but today, as you might be aware of, take a look at the dating sites. Holy cow do I not have a chance.....

 

Thanks for the input tho, glad to see you a "good" shortie.

[d0nnivain]

On line dating sights are all about looks. They are superficial at best. If somebody doesn't immediately like the look of you it's too easy to click or swipe to the next person.

 

If you want to find a date you will have to do more in person activities. When somebody can see & experience your personality you will be more likely to find love.

 

So close your computer, put down your phone & go do something, anything.

[OatsAndHall]

On line dating sights are all about looks. They are superficial at best. If somebody doesn't immediately like the look of you it's too easy to click or swipe to the next person.

 

If you want to find a date you will have to do more in person activities. When somebody can see & experience your personality you will be more likely to find love.

 

So close your computer, put down your phone & go do something, anything.

 

 

 

 

Yup... OLD is a meat market and there's no way around it. Someone needs a pretty thick skin if they're going to use it continually.

 

 

And, geography plays a HUGE role in OLD dating. I live in a rural area and am about as far from "rural" as one can get. I don't look the part of the country boy, I don't own a big pick-up truck, and I don't farm, ranch or work as a mechanic. I'm a friggin math teacher.. This all works against me in a big way around here.

[bathtub-row]

You sound kind of neat to me. You seem to be authoritative which means you know your own mind. And, lo and behold, men can get away with not being great looking if they have good personalities.

 

As far as your height is concerned, yes, it will bother some women but not all. Good thing Tom Cruise or Dustin Hoffman didn’t let that stop them.

[clia]

Have you considered just updating your look? Why do you want to embody the 1990s when it's 2018?

[smackie9]

Have you considered just updating your look? Why do you want to embody the 1990s when it's 2018?

This^^^ you are in LA for crying out loud, now dress like you are from LA. I have watched the match maker, and million dollar real estate...and people dress trendy and or look polished. You want to be successful? then dress for success. This is key in dating....not what dating site you go on...that never makes a difference.

 

 

You expect women to do their hair and nails, take care of their rack, and look hot to attract you, so guess what...you want to jump on the dating train? then you have to look the part too.

 

 

 

The trick is, whatever you are doing now, do the opposite. Because nothing will change unless you make changes.

[kendahke]

Well, what kind of women in LA are you trying to attract?

 

I mean, there's someone for everyone, so it more than likely has nothing to do with how you look, but who you are going after.

 

Your dating success depends upon the kind of woman you are trying to attract or think you should have and she may prefer a man who looks more like the LA type, as is her right because everyone has a right to their preferences.

 

You have to use the right lure and fish in the right place. Swordfish aren't going to stop for minnow bait.

 

If you think an outdated, 20+ year old look is fly, then rock it and own it, but understand that it doesn't obligate anyone to date you if they don't want to date a man who prefers living in a fashion time warp.

Edited September 14, 2018 by kendahke

[stuck_in_the_past]

Have you considered just updating your look? Why do you want to embody the 1990s when it's 2018?

 

I have.. and I know the "2018" look and sure I could pull it off if I wanted. I just feel so fake/"trying" and mostly a hypocryte.

[stuck_in_the_past]

You sound kind of neat to me. You seem to be authoritative which means you know your own mind. And, lo and behold, men can get away with not being great looking if they have good personalities.

 

As far as your height is concerned, yes, it will bother some women but not all. Good thing Tom Cruise or Dustin Hoffman didn’t let that stop them.

 

Hah is that a good or a bad thing?

 

I guess you're kinda right. I'm sort of "neat", was raised by sisters.. I have this belief girls want a guy with a nice bathroom and kitches. I'm clean when it comes to that. BUT--- I'm from "THe hood side of LA". I'm "loyal" to my friends and background that was raised with baggy pants, hoodies and hats on backward...

[stuck_in_the_past]

Well, what kind of women in LA are you trying to attract?

 

I mean, there's someone for everyone, so it more than likely has nothing to do with how you look, but who you are going after.

 

Your dating success depends upon the kind of woman you are trying to attract or think you should have and she may prefer a man who looks more like the LA type, as is her right because everyone has a right to their preferences.

 

You have to use the right lure and fish in the right place. Swordfish aren't going to stop for minnow bait.

 

If you think an outdated, 20+ year old look is fly, then rock it and own it, but understand that it doesn't obligate anyone to date you if they don't want to date a man who prefers living in a fashion time warp.

 

 

I used to have a definite "type". But now they're all gone...

 

Sad to say, now what I'm attracted to is "Whatever wants me". And that, I do not know....

[stuck_in_the_past]

On line dating sights are all about looks.

 

Yeah, OKC kinda is..

 

But it wasn't always like that. I used to use AOL as my main way of meeting, in the 90's. It's only chat, so you really see if you click. Then, after sending a pic-bam. It was SO MUCH BETTER. Ughhh. I'm frustrated.

 

So close your computer, put down your phone & go do something, anything.

 

Man.. I "Hiked-did art-made music-surfed-skated-got into pets-foodie". But prob is I go out now, the crowd is too much swag. It's Goliath. I can't be there anymore. I get a weird sensation I'll turn into a hater. Mean. Enemy. So I don't go out. This is my real problem-- Bigger than just clothes or dates. It's society. I no longer am cool. And I used to be. Wahhh. Nah- I just get jealous seeing the newer, perfect millenials. Seeing them causes my body to shiver with weakness.

[depcharger]

this is just my opinion

 

If You are really cheerful and happy go lucky ( THINK Joel Olsteen)

 

always happy, smiling and uplifter...

 

I am not saying you will become a stud, but it will surely help, everyone is attracted to that happy, bubbly person

[bathtub-row]

Hah is that a good or a bad thing?

 

I guess you're kinda right. I'm sort of "neat", was raised by sisters.. I have this belief girls want a guy with a nice bathroom and kitches. I'm clean when it comes to that. BUT--- I'm from "THe hood side of LA". I'm "loyal" to my friends and background that was raised with baggy pants, hoodies and hats on backward...

 

Baggy pants, hoodies, hats on backwards -- NO!!! Time to grow up if you want a grown-up relationship.

[preraph]

I'm just trying to help with the snarky here. I just want you to think about this every time you are about to say something snarky to someone.

 

If it comes out of your mouth, you thought it, so therefore saying "Just kidding" or expecting people to just think you're ironic or "just kidding" doesn't work, because everyone know (thanks to Sigmund Freud) that if you said it, you thought it. So that's why snarky and cutting isn't pleasant for most people. Think before you talk.

 

Can't help you with shortness, but I will say L.A. has more short men and women than I've ever seen anywhere else in my entire life, short little perfectly proportioned people who look like giants on screen. I remember walking around there at just five foot seven and people were all little tiny think things. I felt so big and clunky. So L.A. is probably your best place. Lots of tiny people.

[guest569]

That's weird.. when was the last time you bought clothes? I guess since you're short, you don't grow out of them.

[stuck_in_the_past]

Baggy pants, hoodies, hats on backwards -- NO!!! Time to grow up if you want a grown-up relationship.

 

I guess some things are better explained via a picture. Lol.

 

I don't dress like that. But I just know guys who "hated skinny pants" like a passion. Since I'm skinny, skinny pants look like normal pants on me.

 

L.A. has more short men and women than I've ever seen anywhere else in my entire life, short little perfectly proportioned people who look like giants on screen. I remember walking around there at just five foot seven and people were all little tiny think things. I felt so big and clunky. So L.A. is probably your best place. Lots of tiny people.

 

True. But for reasons I won't go into, or maybe it's just me, pairing up two of us shorties here is very strange. Like I was saying you gotta meet young or have common friends. Otherwise... OKC/POF world for me!! Those girls who I could date are not on there.

 

On the 'random stage' of dating, I'm up against some Maroon 5 lookin mofo'....and I'm just saying it kinda sucks how they go for only that online. Or everywhere. Ugh. I'm overwhelmed by media.

 

Where's the snarky, dude?!? I ain't snarky!!!! (Lol. Ok, a lil)

 

But that's exactly the thing my man. Society MADE me snarky. Well, "ONLINE LIFE" made me snarky. Mostly, this boys and girls thing. I really hate it, can you tell? I'm upset at God. I'm upset at social media.

[d0nnivain]

Man.. I "Hiked-did art-made music-surfed-skated-got into pets-foodie". But prob is I go out now, the crowd is too much swag. It's Goliath. I can't be there anymore. I get a weird sensation I'll turn into a hater. Mean. Enemy. So I don't go out. This is my real problem-- Bigger than just clothes or dates. It's society. I no longer am cool. And I used to be. Wahhh. Nah- I just get jealous seeing the newer, perfect millenials. Seeing them causes my body to shiver with weakness.

 

You gotta find your people. These folks who make you feel whatever you're describing above are not your people. Keep searching for a place where you belong. It's hard. It takes effort but once you find that group, it grows exponentially because those new people that you met & clicked with have other people & together you all attract more people.

[smackie9]

Baggy pants, hoodies, hats on backwards -- NO!!! Time to grow up if you want a grown-up relationship.

How about the pants that hang so low. Makes me want to scream "Pull those damn pants up!" lol

[kendahke]

what I'm attracted to is "Whatever wants me". And that, I do not know....

 

And this "I can't arse myself" vibe is what turns women off even before you start talking to them.

 

I mean you can argue with people on here who suggest you make more of an effort, but that doesn't remove the reality that these days, especially in LA which is ground zero regarding imaging, media and all things visual, if it's obvious you don't give a rip, then that's the energy you're going to get in return--a big cup of "whatever cocoa".

 

Your choice...

[kendahke]

L.A. has more short men and women than I've ever seen anywhere else in my entire life, short little perfectly proportioned people who look like giants on screen. I remember walking around there at just five foot seven and people were all little tiny think things. I felt so big and clunky. So L.A. is probably your best place. Lots of tiny people.

 

 

So true!!! Just about everyone you see on screen is under 5'8.

[brigit87]

 

But I just know guys who "hated skinny pants" like a passion. Since I'm skinny, skinny pants look like normal pants on me.

 

 

LOL!

 

Well maybe that's a good thing. Wear jeans a blazer and and a nice white dress shirt. That a 90's look that will work for today too.

[preraph]

I guess some things are better explained via a picture. Lol.

 

I don't dress like that. But I just know guys who "hated skinny pants" like a passion. Since I'm skinny, skinny pants look like normal pants on me.

 

 

 

True. But for reasons I won't go into, or maybe it's just me, pairing up two of us shorties here is very strange. Like I was saying you gotta meet young or have common friends. Otherwise... OKC/POF world for me!! Those girls who I could date are not on there.

 

On the 'random stage' of dating, I'm up against some Maroon 5 lookin mofo'....and I'm just saying it kinda sucks how they go for only that online. Or everywhere. Ugh. I'm overwhelmed by media.

 

Where's the snarky, dude?!? I ain't snarky!!!! (Lol. Ok, a lil)

 

But that's exactly the thing my man. Society MADE me snarky. Well, "ONLINE LIFE" made me snarky. Mostly, this boys and girls thing. I really hate it, can you tell? I'm upset at God. I'm upset at social media.

 

Well, being as you're in LA, maybe you need to go get a department store makeover. Call ahead and ask some affordable but nice quality department store like H&M and find out who would be a good clerk to get advice from in the men's department. Then go and take enough money for a couple of sets of clothes and a pair of shoes. And let him bring you up to date, and give you the edge you need. You might ask him to recommend a salon or barber to update your hair too. Hair is very important.

[No_Go]

I have.. and I know the "2018" look and sure I could pull it off if I wanted. I just feel so fake/"trying" and mostly a hypocryte.

 

You need to make effort to look good BUT not look like someone else. Changing your style to fit fashion trends is a disaster. Just make your ‘90’s look’ as good as you can and call it a day.

 

I loathe ‘trendy’ looks on men and women alike. I put ton of efforts and money to look my best, but ‘modern’ looks just give me chills. E.g. athleisure aka gym clothes outside of the gym I’ll put only if someone points a gun at me. In contrast to me, BF wears himself very casually and I love the look on him- it just fits his personality type and lifestyle. So when it comes to style - just make sure it reflect your personality AND flatters your body because although the current ‘trends’ say ‘we’re all beautiful’ lol, you know the non PC truth - looks are vital for success in any social situation including dating.