Sam2020 Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 I've been acquainted with this woman for over a year through a meetup group. She started inviting me and a couple of other ladies to monthly get togethers. After a few months of this, I noticed that she's literally treating me as if I don't exist! I have no idea why as I've always been nice to her and the other ladies. At two separate small meetup dinners, she was pretty chilly with me. This behavior seems immature and silly and to make it more confusing, she is a marriage counselor/therapist! I wouldn't think someone who works with people would behave this way. I'm going to see her in the small group of ladies tonight and wondered if I should pull her aside and ask her about it. Or should I wait for another time to do so? It has been really bothering me for the last few weeks since this has NEVER happened to me before. Okay, maybe in the 5th grade when one of my bully cousins wouldn't let me "play" with her and my other two cousins. Thoughts? Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 Sam2020 -- are you a man or a woman? I ask because if you are a man being included in the ladies' get togethers by this one lady, I would say the lady in question liked you & was waiting for you to make a move. When you didn't she shut down & in an effort to save face is distancing herself from you. If you are woman, I can't offer you an explanation. Have you ever reciprocated & invited her somewhere? She may feel the friendship is one sided with her doing all the work. Either way, I wouldn't really bring it up to her. At most I'd ask if you have offended her in some way. Beyond that I would not outline what you perceive as her change in behavior. Some people just drift out of your life. I realize you still have to interact with her but do so graciously from a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 just find another meetup group...these people are not your friends Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 You don't confront someone simply because they have cooled off toward you. This was merely an acquaintance. She decided she wanted to keep you at arm's length. A counselor would do it early rather than wait until you were even more invested. I don't care what sex you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam2020 Posted September 21, 2018 Author Share Posted September 21, 2018 just find another meetup group...these people are not your friends Well I'm not going to stop attending meetups in this particular group just because of one person. I've been a member of this group for four years. She is the only person who does this. I simply find it puzzling that anyone would treat another this way. In our culture it's just NOT done. At least I've never in my entire life have been treated like I'm invisible by anyone. I find this behavior quite immature. You don't confront someone simply because they have cooled off toward you. This was merely an acquaintance. She decided she wanted to keep you at arm's length. A counselor would do it early rather than wait until you were even more invested. I don't care what sex you are. I'm not going to "confront" anyone. I simply want have a conversation to find out why any mature adult would be this rude. I understand that not everyone has to like the company of everyone. But I've done nothing to this woman to be treated this way and would simply like to know why she's so icy. Part of the issue is because she and I are culturally similar where people don't treat others this way. If someone doesn't want to have me as part of their smaller group that's fine, but why all of sudden treat me like I'm invisible. In this group (as most meetup groups) there are only a handful of "locals" and the majority are from the continuous states. I've spoken to other friends who are also brought up here and they find her behavior odd as well. Perhaps it's more difficult for those who are not brought up in an island culture to understand what I mean. But thanks for everyone's input. At some point I'll have a conversation with her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 (edited) Maybe she felt you were too focused on her. I remember years ago, I thought this guy at the dog park was nice. I mostly followed the dog to whoever they landed on, and she landed on him. I wasn't hitting on the guy. I just liked his energy. I was much older than him and just being social. So when I'd see him next visit, I'd go chat. Well, one day, he had this pained expression on his face. He told me he was gay and he came to the dog park to cruise for guys. So I was messing up his reason for being there. He didn't want someone to think he was straight or had a woman. You just never know what someone else is trying to accomplish at these things. Maybe if you were too focused on her, she felt it was blocking someone she was focused on from socializing as much. Edited September 21, 2018 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam2020 Posted September 21, 2018 Author Share Posted September 21, 2018 Maybe she felt you were too focused on her. I remember years ago, I thought this guy at the dog park was nice. I mostly followed the dog to whoever they landed on, and she landed on him. I wasn't hitting on the guy. I just liked his energy. I was much older than him and just being social. So when I'd see him next visit, I'd go chat. Well, one day, he had this pained expression on his face. He told me he was gay and he came to the dog park to cruise for guys. So I was messing up his reason for being there. He didn't want someone to think he was straight or had a woman. You just never know what someone else is trying to accomplish at these things. Maybe if you were too focused on her, she felt it was blocking someone she was focused on from socializing as much. No way she would EVER think this. First of all, we are all heterosexual women over 50 and I don't prefer her company over anyone else. In fact, when I spoke to another (male) friend who is in the same group about this issue. He asked "Well do you even like her?" Which made me laugh because honestly, she doesn't seem to be my kind of person. I just enjoy going instead of staying home. I have made other great (true) friendships in the meetup group, but those ladies are not included in this small group. I have noticed that she always tells me all the other people she goes out to dinner, etc. with. She mentions this things every single time I see her as if she wants me to be envious or something. It doesn't bother me one iota because I already have friends outside the group. She's never been married, I was married for 25 years and have a kid. So not sure if she's envious of me, my life. But like I said, I will have a conversation with her at some point. I don't like how uncomfortable it is to see/feel her iciness for no known reason. If I'm not her cup of tea, that's okay by me, but I just find this behavior silly. Link to post Share on other sites
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