Why the first thing people want to know is your age?

[Springsummer]

So this week I sat with 2 group of people for lunch on different day. They all want to know how old I am. and they will ask in different ways like when did you come to this country? how old were you when you finish school in your home country. and the boss of my boss will ask if I my ex boss is older or younger than me(that's actually a compliment as I am actually at least 10 yrs older than the ex boss?) after I refuse to tell.

 

you know, this is a question I am really uncomfortable to answer. Especially almost all have them have children and above me career wise. and in fact their actual age may not be much older than me.

 

but I guess they have a good guess now.

 

why? why the heck they are so care? urg.....hates hates this. sometimes I really don't want to socialize. what should I feel and think about this?

Edited September 15, 2018 by Springsummer

[Springsummer]

and also got an work email from someone that she is on maternity leave. heck it seems I only saw her a few months ago and I didn't see any bump. People get 1 yr of paid maternity/paternity leave here. I can't even find someone, not even remotely.

 

sigh, the world is driving me half crazy.

[preraph]

They care for the same reason we care on here when someone tells us a problem and we have to ask how old they and the others involved are because it directly relates to maturity or lack thereof, ability to foresee consequences of our actions, naivety, idealism of youth. So if someone is talking trash or is being dramatic, we want to know if they're just young or if they're really messed up!

[basil67]

Asking questions is a normal part of conversation and 'getting to know you'. If you don't want to tell people about yourself or don't want to socialise, perhaps sitting alone with a book would be a better option for you.

[Chilli]

how old are ya anyway ???

Sorry , couldn't resists :bunny:

 

Nah l hate that question too.

l dunno why , l think because people usually think l'm much younger and l fit in and get along really well with people much younger .

where as although l might get along ok with or have some nice chats wiith someone older, really l'll have nothing in common apart from that.

 

It is a typical question though l suppose even if they think they're being clever about it, l get that too.

You might also though be too one of these people that could be any age give or take 15 years and this does make people even more curious than usual too.

[Logo]

In this day and age, I get the impression from a lot of people that they ask about age simply to pigeonhole someone and put him or her in a mental box.

 

 

There are plenty of other questions people can ask besides, "How old are you?" Why does it matter, anyway? I don't see it as a conversation starter.

 

 

And it's especially annoying in the dating world. A woman once approached me at a bar, she seemed very interested. She was about 10 years younger. I could tell more or less how old she was. I suppose she couldn't tell my age. She introduced me to her friends, we had a nice conversation and then she asked me, how old are you, anyway?

 

 

 

After I told her my age, she shriveled away, poooof, just like that, she was gone.

Edited September 15, 2018 by Logo

[Springsummer]

In this day and age, I get the impression from a lot of people that they ask about age simply to pigeonhole someone and put him or her in a mental box.

 

 

There are plenty of other questions people can ask besides, "How old are you?" Why does it matter, anyway? I don't see it as a conversation starter.

 

 

And it's especially annoying in the dating world. A woman once approached me at a bar, she seemed very interested. She was about 10 years younger. I could tell more or less how old she was. I suppose she couldn't tell my age. She introduced me to her friends, we had a nice conversation and then she asked me, how old are you, anyway?

 

 

 

After I told her my age, she shriveled away, poooof, just like that, she was gone.

 

Exactly. That sucks.

[Springsummer]

You might also though be too one of these people that could be any age give or take 15 years and this does make people even more curious than usual too.

 

ya, they said I must be the youngest in the groups....it is likely not the case

[Springsummer]

damn, I should start buying lottery. hope some day I win it, so I don't have to work with people.

[basil67]

I don't see it as a conversation starter.

 

I don't see it as a conversation starter either. For this reason, I'm not interpreting the question in a literal sense.

[BaileyB]

and also got an work email from someone that she is on maternity leave. heck it seems I only saw her a few months ago and I didn't see any bump. People get 1 yr of paid maternity/paternity leave here. I can't even find someone, not even remotely.

 

sigh, the world is driving me half crazy.

 

The things that happen to us, or "the world" as you say, are neutral. We assign meaning to them, by labelling these events as "good" or "bad."

 

And then, it is our reaction to these events that determines our experience.

 

Someone asking your age is nothing more than an attempt to get to know you. YOU have assigned the meaning to that question, such that it is an intrusion of your privacy or a judgment of the fact that you are still single. I get it - I used to hate the question "are you married." But, the reality is that it has less to do with the person asking the question - there is usually no "ill will." Your feelings have more to do with how you internalize it.

Edited September 15, 2018 by BaileyB

[CollinW]

In this day and age, I get the impression from a lot of people that they ask about age simply to pigeonhole someone and put him or her in a mental box.

 

 

There are plenty of other questions people can ask besides, "How old are you?" Why does it matter, anyway? I don't see it as a conversation starter.

 

 

And it's especially annoying in the dating world. A woman once approached me at a bar, she seemed very interested. She was about 10 years younger. I could tell more or less how old she was. I suppose she couldn't tell my age. She introduced me to her friends, we had a nice conversation and then she asked me, how old are you, anyway?

 

 

 

After I told her my age, she shriveled away, poooof, just like that, she was gone.

People have a right to decide their standards regarding age whether you personally like it or not.

 

People asks for ages because it highly correlates to your experiences, what you can relate to and outlook on life as whole, with obvious variances. If anyone has issues with the question, it speaks more on your self esteem than it does on the people asking it and I'd recommend assessing how you can become comfortable with it.

[Poutrew]

Be very wary when people you work with (or work for) want to know how old you are. If you tell them you might find out what age discrimination means the hard way. Especially if your immediate supervisor is younger than you are... your work situation could become very difficult as the boss tries to push you out the door to make room for a younger person willing to work you job for less money...

[basil67]

The things that happen to us, or "the world" as you say, are neutral. We assign meaning to them, by labelling these events as "good" or "bad."

 

And then, it is our reaction to these events that determines our experience.

 

Someone asking your age is nothing more than an attempt to get to know you. YOU have assigned the meaning to that question, such that it is an intrusion of your privacy or a judgment of the fact that you are still single. I get it - I used to hate the question "are you married." But, the reality is that it has less to do with the person asking the question - there is usually no "ill will." Your feelings have more to do with how you internalize it.

 

This ^^

 

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react to ti.

 

There is a group of people who when asked a personal question will happily open up and engage. They will ask questions in return and a bond will form and a good conversation will be had. They may even end up with the person becoming a good friend.

 

There is another group of people who suspect negative motivation of those who attempt to engage with us. So they close up and form negative/cynical opinions about others. This thread is evidence of the differing approaches.

 

Which group of people do you think are more successful in life, love and dating?

[Veronica73]

I’ve always thought it was considered rude to ask people how old they are. I never do that unless it has some bearing on the conversation, and hardly anyone asks me either. And there isn’t much point anyway. You can always look them up on the internet if you’re that curious and then you don’t come across as rude.

[alphamale]

I’ve always thought it was considered rude to ask people how old they are. I never do that unless it has some bearing on the conversation, and hardly anyone asks me either. And there isn’t much point anyway. You can always look them up on the internet if you’re that curious and then you don’t come across as rude.

 

I agree with this^^^

[SteadyPace]

She is usually the second thing people want to know about me. What I do for a living is the first. Maybe it’s the stuffy neighborhood I live in...

[No_Go]

Age is the most crucial parameter you can learn for someone.

 

It defines maturity, life expectancy and fertility probabilities, and all these matter under the context of different relationship types.

 

I personally always verify age of people I’m considering getting close to, and if they tell me a fake age, I’d consider it a major breach of trust that doesn’t bode well with establishing relationship of any kind...

 

So this week I sat with 2 group of people for lunch on different day. They all want to know how old I am. and they will ask in different ways like when did you come to this country? how old were you when you finish school in your home country. and the boss of my boss will ask if I my ex boss is older or younger than me(that's actually a compliment as I am actually at least 10 yrs older than the ex boss?) after I refuse to tell.

 

you know, this is a question I am really uncomfortable to answer. Especially almost all have them have children and above me career wise. and in fact their actual age may not be much older than me.

 

but I guess they have a good guess now.

 

why? why the heck they are so care? urg.....hates hates this. sometimes I really don't want to socialize. what should I feel and think about this?

[Springsummer]

Age is the most crucial parameter you can learn for someone.

 

It defines maturity, life expectancy and fertility probabilities, and all these matter under the context of different relationship types.

 

I personally always verify age of people I’m considering getting close to, and if they tell me a fake age, I’d consider it a major breach of trust that doesn’t bode well with establishing relationship of any kind...

 

Really? maybe true to you. but I am not. I am not defined by my age, not all all.

[Veronica73]

Age is the most crucial parameter you can learn for someone.

 

It defines maturity, life expectancy and fertility probabilities, and all these matter under the context of different relationship types.

 

I personally always verify age of people I’m considering getting close to, and if they tell me a fake age, I’d consider it a major breach of trust that doesn’t bode well with establishing relationship of any kind...

 

I don’t see why age would ever matter (as long as both people are adults), unless it is someone you are considering dating.

 

That’s just weird!

 

But the fact that there are many people who think this way, is probably why it is considered a rude, invasive question to ask, at least where I grew up. It can make people feel like they are being judged or measured to some invisible standard.

[SteadyPace]

I’d much rather open a conversation by asking “hey baby, what’s your sign?” Has that charming 70’s appeal that women oh so love..

[No_Go]

I don’t see why age would ever matter (as long as both people are adults), unless it is someone you are considering dating.

 

That’s just weird!

 

But the fact that there are many people who think this way, is probably why it is considered a rude, invasive question to ask, at least where I grew up. It can make people feel like they are being judged or measured to some invisible standard.

 

A bit morbid but gives a good idea how long friendship may last...

 

For work tells more than anything - the generation in which the person acquired their education matters, agility matters, flexibility is mainly defined by age (try to make a mum of 3 to relocate to another continent vs just graduated 23yo) etc.

 

Age defines baggage big time, unless someone lived isolated from the world.

 

Having said that, I’m hardly an ageist in the traditional sense, for dating I strongly prefer older men because I have nothing to talk about with the young ones (say under 35-40 for me most are terribly immature). For friends I also connect waaaay better with older.

 

I never ask for age but always verify upon meeting a new person...

[No_Go]

Really? maybe true to you. but I am not. I am not defined by my age, not all all.

 

That’s impossible just biologically - age defines how much time you have left, fertile years, energy levels, disease predisposition and what not.

 

Or you mean behavior-wise?

[Springsummer]

That’s impossible just biologically - age defines how much time you have left, fertile years, energy levels, disease predisposition and what not.

 

Or you mean behavior-wise?

 

that's not a reliable indicator. some people die over 100, while some die very young. some look 20 years younger than their age, while some could look 20 yrs older.

 

well, I am consistently being considered 10-20 years younger than my age by people. like I said, the director asked if I am younger or older than someone who is 32. (actually he could find out as my boss if he really wants to). That makes me want to laugh...god only know how much older I am than that person. I only said older. I didn't want to say much much older. so he won't dig further.

[Springsummer]

Be very wary when people you work with (or work for) want to know how old you are. If you tell them you might find out what age discrimination means the hard way. Especially if your immediate supervisor is younger than you are... your work situation could become very difficult as the boss tries to push you out the door to make room for a younger person willing to work you job for less money...

 

That may very well be the case if you are in the private sector. fortunately I am not. so I guess for this reason, I better never go back to the private sector.