dancingintherain12 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 i slept with him a month into knowing him but i am looking for a relationship and we havent had that talk yet.. did i mess things up? do guys view girls as not relationship material because she slept with him too soon? Link to post Share on other sites
ericw899 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 i slept with him a month into knowing him but i am looking for a relationship and we havent had that talk yet.. did i mess things up? do guys view girls as not relationship material because she slept with him too soon? For me personally, absolutely. If a girl is willing to sleep with me right away, I take it that she is easy and will be willing to do it with any guy, therefore I would never consider her as a girlfriend. A fwb? sure. But a committed relationship? No way Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Like anything else in life it varies. Some men will reach certain conclusions while others will realize they too participated in whatever happened. The key is you have to be true to yourself. You make decisions based on what you want. Own whatever you chose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 For me personally, absolutely. If a girl is willing to sleep with me right away, I take it that she is easy and will be willing to do it with any guy, therefore I would never consider her as a girlfriend. A fwb? sure. But a committed relationship? No way Do you sleep with these women? If so does that mean you’ll sleep with any woman and therefore not really an acceptable choice for a boyfriend? OP, It’s all relative. An aweful lot of people would think of a month as a long time. If he’s a good man, he won’t be judgy like that. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 For me personally, absolutely. If a girl is willing to sleep with me right away, I take it that she is easy and will be willing to do it with any guy, therefore I would never consider her as a girlfriend. A fwb? sure. But a committed relationship? No way Guys like you make me very sad. Aren't you also the one participating in this too? Does that make you not boyfriend material? Ever thought to think she was actually vibing with you and doesn't do that with every guy? Sigh. When will the double standard end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 Do you sleep with these women? If so does that mean you’ll sleep with any woman and therefore not really an acceptable choice for a boyfriend? OP, It’s all relative. An aweful lot of people would think of a month as a long time. If he’s a good man, he won’t be judgy like that. Thanks! I never got to ask him what he's looking for, and I feel like a lot of guys lately tell me "well they get what they want and the chase is over" why does there even need to be a chase? why can't two people genuinely get to know each other without the added bull**** games? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 In general, yes. I don't care what year you think this is, where we are in terms of "gender equality", etc., but if you have sex with a man too quickly (as a woman) you will ruin any chances of a real relationship developing if that's what you're looking for. There are variables to everything, of course. I remember once many years ago it had the opposite affect on me. Without getting too much into detail about it, I had a lost weekend with this guy and afterward I became the stereotypical man and I left HIM over it. I was revolted by him that he would give it up so quickly and hung him out to dry. But that was a real turning point moment for me in so many ways far too long to get into here. So always keep in mind there are variables, but they are few and far between. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 In general, yes. I don't care what year you think this is, where we are in terms of "gender equality", etc., but if you have sex with a man too quickly (as a woman) you will ruin any chances of a real relationship developing if that's what you're looking for. There are variables to everything, of course. I remember once many years ago it had the opposite affect on me. Without getting too much into detail about it, I had a lost weekend with this guy and afterward I became the stereotypical man and I left HIM over it. I was revolted by him that he would give it up so quickly and hung him out to dry. But that was a real turning point moment for me in so many ways far too long to get into here. So always keep in mind there are variables, but they are few and far between. So is there a way to fix it and have him see me as girlfriend material (because I am) or did I ruin this potential relationship for good? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 So is there a way to fix it and have him see me as girlfriend material (because I am) or did I ruin this potential relationship for good? Why would you want to date a man who thought ill of you because you slept with him? If anything, his decision to look down on you should make your life easier. If he shows you that his true colors are so full of double standards just walk away. Who needs that level of judgment in their life? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 Why would you want to date a man who thought ill of you because you slept with him? If anything, his decision to look down on you should make your life easier. If he shows you that his true colors are so full of double standards just walk away. Who needs that level of judgment in their life? Youre right. I guess I just don't know what he thinks... :/ I hope he is not that type of guy, but from the guy friends I have spoken to, they said that they see woman this way if they slept with them too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 In general, yes. I don't care what year you think this is, where we are in terms of "gender equality", etc., but if you have sex with a man too quickly (as a woman) you will ruin any chances of a real relationship developing if that's what you're looking for. There are variables to everything, of course. I remember once many years ago it had the opposite affect on me. Without getting too much into detail about it, I had a lost weekend with this guy and afterward I became the stereotypical man and I left HIM over it. I was revolted by him that he would give it up so quickly and hung him out to dry. But that was a real turning point moment for me in so many ways far too long to get into here. So always keep in mind there are variables, but they are few and far between. Not true at all. I slept with my girlfriend on the first date, and we're in a committed relationship. It'll depend on the guy. But it's funny how some guys still have this double standard notion (like Eric in this thread) that a woman sleeping with them too soon (when exactly is the too soon timeline I wonder?) is bad, but yet, the guys themselves also participated in the act lol. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancingintherain12 Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 Not true at all. I slept with my girlfriend on the first date, and we're in a committed relationship. It'll depend on the guy. But it's funny how some guys still have this double standard notion (like Eric in this thread) that a woman sleeping with them too soon (when exactly is the too soon timeline I wonder?) is bad, but yet, the guys themselves also participated in the act lol. so she slept with you on the first date. when did you commit to her? did you guys keep sleeping together for a while, and did you see her as less of a chase? did you care about a woman who plays hard to get? were you looking for a relationship? I gave him a blow job on the first date, but we didnt have sex until we hung out like 8 or so times. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 (edited) l don't care what anyone says or how they wanna twist it all up into some equality bullshyt . Mortan, c is spot on. And nope , even as guy l wouldn't wanna sleep with someone l'd just met and l'd expect her to have a bit more class than that too. Some of the stuff l see around here about all this and what chicks do just makes me cringe, especially the way they talk about it, like it's no different than vacuuming the damn house or something and you bet she'll usually be on here next asking where the hell he went or why he doesn't givashyt anymore. l don't care what you wanna call it l respect a girl that holds out to focus on finding a relationship and love and from that making love later in the way many other cultures still work. But to op , a month in yaknow , that's not bad, really , most of them here are jumping in one or two dates from what l see. The only thing is though to be with him a month and not know where your at together and what you both want.??? There's no need for some "talk" , you should be already just getting along really well and just talking about all kinds of stuff anyway and all that stuffs just naturally in there too anyway. Edited September 16, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Have sex too soon, and you're not relationship material. Wait too long and you're a stuck-up prude. Women cannot win, can they? When, exactly, is the right time? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 l don't care what anyone says or how they wanna twist it all up into some equality bullshyt . Mortan, c is spot on. And nope , even as guy l wouldn't wanna sleep with someone l'd just met and l'd expect her to have a bit more class than that too. Some of the stuff l see around here about all this and what chicks do just makes me cringe, especially the way they talk about it, like it's no different than vacuuming the damn house or something and you bet she'll usually be on here next asking where the hell he went or why he doesn't givashyt anymore. l don't care what you wanna call it l respect a girl that holds out to focus on finding a relationship and love and from that making love later in the way many other cultures still work. But to op , a month in yaknow , that's not bad, really , most of them here are jumping in one or two dates from what l see. The only thing is though to be with him a month and not know where your at together and what you both want.??? There's no need for some "talk" , you should be already just getting along really well and just talking about all kinds of stuff anyway and all that stuffs just naturally in there too anyway. Except Mortan doesn't speak for every guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 so she slept with you on the first date. when did you commit to her? did you guys keep sleeping together for a while, and did you see her as less of a chase? did you care about a woman who plays hard to get? were you looking for a relationship? I gave him a blow job on the first date, but we didnt have sex until we hung out like 8 or so times. Committed to her about a month later. We pretty knew from the first date on, so we didn't necessarily need to have the "talk" per se. We were both looking for a longer term relationship, but the chemistry and passion were just there from the first date. She did say that she would usually sleep with a guy after 2-3 dates. We've pretty much slept together every single date (we both have high sex drives). And no, I didn't see her as less of a chase. If anything, I was glad she didn't have to play this nonsense game (and to me, it is nonsense) of making a guy wait months or whatever for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Aiight. This is a crazy story. And has almost no relation to what’s going on w you OP, but does show that men are all different... About 2 1/2 years ago I was at a sex party. While I was in the midst of a threesome (me and two guys) I looked up and locked eyes with one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen, a guy named Drew. He came over and just pushed one of those other guys away and joined in, immediately leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I hope you’ll come home with me.” I spent the next couple hours having sex with him and his two best friends in various arrangements. Then spent the next 3 or 4 months meeting up with them in various combinations, tho Drew was the only one that ever felt romantic to me. The others fell away, other than a little text chat here and there, but I kept seeing Drew sporadically until I met someone I really wanted to be with and have a real relationship with. Drew actually put up a bit of a fight. Said things like, “if I had known you wanted a boyfriend, I would’ve...” Then about a year later, days after I had broken up with the bf, he texted and asked me if I was “still boo’d up.” (Which, I have to say, made me actually laugh out loud and charmed me.). This was only a few weeks ago and now it’s becoming clear that he wants me to be his girlfriend. I had never really entertained that idea. But here we are. Sadly, though, I don’t think he’s a nice enough guy. He’s too demanding and I don’t feel the kind of comfortable with him that I’d need to to be serious with him. The fact that we met the way we did has no bearing on my evaluation of whether he’s boyfriend material. I don’t need to go to crazy sex parties or have sex with multiple people but whoever I end up will be someone who likes sex and likes it that I like sex. And they will be minimally judgmental in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 i slept with him a month into knowing him but i am looking for a relationship and we havent had that talk yet.. did i mess things up? do guys view girls as not relationship material because she slept with him too soon? Not necessarily. Though I don't do this, I've met guys who slept w/a girl early on and wanted a relationship. If you want a relationship not a hook up, hold off on sex. This won't make a guy commit, but it will eliminate the guys who only want sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Guys like you make me very sad. Aren't you also the one participating in this too? Does that make you not boyfriend material? Ever thought to think she was actually vibing with you and doesn't do that with every guy? Sigh. When will the double standard end. Hate to break it to you but you're the one asking the question on whether society thinks you're easy and not relationship material because you had sex. You're buying into the double standard and contributing. A month? Just talk to him. Ask what his intentions are and where he is at. It's not rocket science. You're looking for a relationship. You're relationship material. Is he? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 For me personally, absolutely. If a girl is willing to sleep with me right away, I take it that she is easy and will be willing to do it with any guy, therefore I would never consider her as a girlfriend. A fwb? sure. But a committed relationship? No way That makes you equally easy, OP. This is laughably hypocritical and immature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 My partner and I are about to celebrate 26 years together. We had sex on the day we met. If a guy wouldn't date me because he had sex with me on the day we met, I'd consider that I'd just dodged a bullet. No way would I behave in a certain way in order to catch myself a hypocritical dude. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 The men that complain when women are sexual, too sexual, sexual too soon, are probably the same men who whine about their sexless marriages because they opt for women who aren't into sex. We don't even know what 'too soon' means. OP is just anxious and needs to communicate her intentions. Find out where you stand and get on with it. If you can have sex with someone surely you feel comfortable enough to ask what they are looking for and where you stand. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 The men that complain when women are sexual, too sexual, sexual too soon, are probably the same men who whine about their sexless marriages because they opt for women who aren't into sex. Yup, it wouldn't shock me if this is the main reason. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 (edited) I'm not a woman, but I know full well how the mind of a man operates, so it just seems like common sense to me that if you want to qualify a guy as being into you for more than your body parts, then you need to make sure you do whatever it takes to qualify them...If you always put out easily, then you really cant tell... The world is full of happily married and ltr couples that slept on the first date....And I am sure there are people that waited and things fell apart...That's life... Smart and desirable women know how to play the game....They realize there is so much more to them that a guy wants so they hold that part carefully...The thinking that guys who are really into a woman will think they are cold or a prude and vanish if they don't get sex right away is pure hogwash....Never seen it happen in my life... Realize that I have zero problems with the "new" age of women wanting to aggressively pursue their own sexual needs/desires...But there is well documented evidence that guys are using this as a way to not commit to many of them....In fact, most of the recent studies are showing that guys are no longer committing to ltrs and marriages because its so easy to get laid now... TFY Edited September 16, 2018 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 I'm not a woman, but I know full well how the mind of a man operates, so it just seems like common sense to me that if you want to qualify a guy as being into you for more than your body parts, then you need to make sure you do whatever it takes to qualify them...If you always put out easily, then you really cant tell... The world is full of happily married and ltr couples that slept on the first date....And I am sure there are people that waited and things fell apart...That's life... Smart and desirable women know how to play the game....They realize there is so much more to them that a guy wants so they hold that part carefully...The thinking that guys who are really into a woman will think they are cold or a prude and vanish if they don't get sex right away is pure hogwash....Never seen it happen in my life... TFY The only mind you know is your own. This logic is based on the good old; men are looking for sex while women are looking for relationships, therefore sex should be used as a currency to lure men into relationships. Have sex when it feels right. If he or she likes you they will not disappear after sex and they will also not mind waiting. Point is: It doesn’t matter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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