Starswillshine Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 Discuss what is happening between us. For how long shall we continue in this flirting mode? I think that we need to clear things and know where we stand. Where you stand? He is married. You are an outsider. There is no question where you stand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 user123456, Please do yourself a favour and stop what you are doing right now. You are at work to work, not to flirt with guys. Some companies have a policy abut workers not fraternising at work. If this goes any further he'll throw you under a bus and you'll be the one who gets fired. And stop all this "he started it" nonsense. You are responsible for your own actions and aren't compelled to respond to him. Start takening responsibility and do it now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 I am not trying to break up any relationship or marriage. I was not the one initiating this. It’s his relationship and his call on how to handle this. If there was no problem with his relationship we wouldn’t do anything with me Yes he would. Happens all the time. He's grooming you. You show promise that you're a willing affair partner. You want to be the OW? Go ahead. But don't complain when he doesn't have time to date you/see you except at work...because that's what you're agreeing to by continuing to be interested in him. Be ready for disappointment and heartache... it's coming. BTW, he's a jerk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 We both want this but maybe in a different way. I am starting to believe that he will not do any move but he keeps me around cause he’s having a good time with me. Apart from that we have not ever discussed the “almost kissing”. Do you think that It’s about time to clear things between us? Maybe ask him to discuss? So you are admitting that you are trying to take this guy away from his gf? You talk a lot about his motivation but what about yours? What are you after? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 Discuss what is happening between us. For how long shall we continue in this flirting mode? I think that we need to clear things and know where we stand. Why would you need to discuss something this ridiculous with him? Do you need him to tell YOU what to do? You already know where you stand - on the outside trying to get in. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author User123456 Posted October 3, 2018 Author Share Posted October 3, 2018 Why would you need to discuss something this ridiculous with him? Do you need him to tell YOU what to do? You already know where you stand - on the outside trying to get in. I am not waiting to tell me what to do. I just need to know how he sees me. However I don’t understand why it should be criticized and why do you believe is impossible to fall for someone even though you are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 I am not waiting to tell me what to do. I just need to know how he sees me. However I don’t understand why it should be criticized and why do you believe is impossible to fall for someone even though you are in a relationship. User, you are getting these types of responses because of what you've written about how this person acts towards you. It is possible to fall for someone else even if in a relationship; however, what that person does, generally, is exit the relationship promptly or back off the new person until the prior relationship has been resolved. That shows both respect for others and personal integrity. We here have warned you not to see this guy in a good light as a self-protection measure. We have warned you not to deal with him at all unless he is free and clear from his relationship, because of the possibility that he will literally use you up if you let him. You don't want that, trust me. By asking him what he wants to do (with you) gives away your personal power and your agency over what you need to do to protect your emotional well-being. He may not even be able to verbalize "how he sees you." You may or may not get the truth. If he says one thing (he sees you in a romantic way and wants to be with you) but does another (actively remains, by choice, with another woman he calls his woman), which should you believe? In essence, who cares what he thinks? He is likely looking out for his best interests and probably doesn't give a care (or even a thought) about yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronco Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 User, Take it from someone who knows what you are going through. I made a poor decision being with my ex who I worked with and ultimately dated 25 years ago (at that time, we dated for 2.5 years). I met up with him 2 months ago after not seeing him for 18 years and he kissed me (etc). He has a gf and I had no intention of anything happening but it did. He and I cleared the air a week later and we have not spoken since, and I do not plan to reach out again and he is not either. We will eventually be fine and friends again as we were but for now, we need space as we still have feelings for each other. BUT, it is WRONG because he is in a relationship and is not leaving his gf so I can not be with him. I think everyone is being hard on you because we all see that you could become what I was for a few days in August, and it is not worth it. Move on and as someone said, do your work at work and avoid him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 The original post was a few weeks ago, so if he hasn’t mentioned it that’s a sign that he doesn’t intent to leave his girlfriend and may not feel as strongly about it as you do. It’s a blessing in disguise. As others have said, that can create a tough work environment for you over a man that you may not have a future with. Especially if his girlfriend finds out. Best thing to do it work on detaching yourself emotionally from this instead of wondering where his head is at. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author User123456 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 User, you are getting these types of responses because of what you've written about how this person acts towards you. It is possible to fall for someone else even if in a relationship; however, what that person does, generally, is exit the relationship promptly or back off the new person until the prior relationship has been resolved. That shows both respect for others and personal integrity. We here have warned you not to see this guy in a good light as a self-protection measure. We have warned you not to deal with him at all unless he is free and clear from his relationship, because of the possibility that he will literally use you up if you let him. You don't want that, trust me. By asking him what he wants to do (with you) gives away your personal power and your agency over what you need to do to protect your emotional well-being. He may not even be able to verbalize "how he sees you." You may or may not get the truth. If he says one thing (he sees you in a romantic way and wants to be with you) but does another (actively remains, by choice, with another woman he calls his woman), which should you believe? In essence, who cares what he thinks? He is likely looking out for his best interests and probably doesn't give a care (or even a thought) about yours. Thank you for your answer. I agree with you but I feel it that there is something between us which maybe it will not go further under these circumstances. Maybe if I keep some distance from him for some time it will make it easier to understand if we want each other or if this is just an ego boost for both of us. For him to feel wanted after being in a long relationship and for me to feel that he wants me even if he has another relationship. However working together does not help it Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 Get a new job then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author User123456 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 Get a new job then. This is not a solution to leave my job Link to post Share on other sites
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