divegrl Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Hi!! My ex boyfriend has come back and I am hoping for some insight into this situation. We were together for a couple months last year. I thought our relationship was going fairly well. However he was experiencing some financial stress due to his job. After a couple of months, he said that is just wasn’t working and we could be friends. After we broke up he moved back in with family to sort out his finances and figure out the next path for his career. Well now he has come back asking for another chance. I just don’t know. I thought we got along well, however I was taken aback when he decided to leave. I would like to pursue a relationship again but I am afraid he will say it’s just not working again. I would really appreciate any advice or experiences others have had regarding second chances. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 If he's still not got his life on track, then I would decline if I were you, because like you said, he might do it again. On the other hand, if he's got his life together and has moved out of his parents house then leave the past in the past and give him chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Absolutely not. The right guy for you would never let you go for those reasons. A relationship should grow and become stronger over time, not stagnate or fizzle out. The fact that he just let you go means his feelings were not strong enough to continue. I would never be able to trust him again to not do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 If he treated you well while you were together, no verbal or physical abuse, no cheating or sneaking, then maybe he just hit a patch where he knew he needed to get his life in order before he should invest in a relationship. But if he didn't treat you right, nothing has changed there. If he treated you well, no shenanigans, give him another chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 If he treated you well while you were together, no verbal or physical abuse, no cheating or sneaking, then maybe he just hit a patch where he knew he needed to get his life in order before he should invest in a relationship. But if he didn't treat you right, nothing has changed there. If he treated you well, no shenanigans, give him another chance. I agree with the above. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted September 17, 2018 Author Share Posted September 17, 2018 Hi all Thank you so much for responding. He does have a stable job now and is living independently. Our relationship was healthy; that is why I was taken aback when he broke things off. And yes, what happens when another hard time comes up? We are meeting to hang out, just as friends for now. And I will see how things progress. Thank you all so much for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
What111 Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 I hope it works out for you. Make sure not to act needy. Be patient 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 Hi all Thank you so much for responding. He does have a stable job now and is living independently. Our relationship was healthy; that is why I was taken aback when he broke things off. And yes, what happens when another hard time comes up? We are meeting to hang out, just as friends for now. And I will see how things progress. Thank you all so much for your advice. Well, maybe by the time something else happens, you will have a commitment or enough of a bond where he feels he can weather it together. Men sometimes feel very uncomfortable when they have work problems and like they have no business and no chance of being with a woman. And then there are people who are just that compartmentalized and have to put all their focus on getting their job situation straightened out before they can even focus on you or anyone else. You just have to give them space. I didn't feel social at all myself after losing one of my jobs. I wasn't in a good enough mood to feel social. I don't know what your reaction was when he was having problems, but try to just take kind of a middle road. Don't be demanding, but also don't be OVERLY sympathetic and maternal, or he will feel you've lost respect for him. Supportive but don't act focused on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 From what I've seen, if a person breaks up easily, he (or she) is very likely to do it again. That's because break up is easy for that person to do. Not everyone becomes attached. Many people can enjoy companionship without deep emotionally attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 Hi all! Thank you everyone for the continued comments. I really appreciate the advice and support. I am just going to take dating him one day at a time and see how it goes. I am keeping really good boundaries in place. I talked with him about everything and he knows my concerns. He apologized for breaking up with me and said he was in a bad place. Slowly. Taking everything very slow. Thank you again. Have a beautiful day my friends! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jjb117 Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 We must look at this logically instead of emotionally So if we dissect this, it is obvious that 1. He treated you well in the time that you got to know him - BUT you also didn't get to know each other really well. A couple of months is barely enough time to really know anybody. So there may be potential flaws that you don't know yet - but that's a risk you must take when dating. 2. He left you - I can't speak for him, only he knows his reasoning. Personally, I would NEVER put myself in a position to lose somebody I truly care about or want in my life. Considering he left tells me that he puts himself first before anybody and will do whatever it takes in life that suits him. Take notice of that when dating him and see if he's truly empathetic to the people around him. 3. He came back - Now this is entirely on you. I see no harm in slowly dating him again but I feel you must be clear with him. I'm not saying to give him an ultimatum, but if it gets to the point where you might date each other exclusively again, you should tell him how it hurt you when he left so abruptly. That is now scares you because you don't want it to happen again. Be honest with him. I feel like this conversation must happen if you'd like to take the next step. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 I think you've made the right decision. Just take it slow and don't get too attached anytime soon! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 Best of luck. Hope it all works out this time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted September 20, 2018 Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 Yup yup exactly! So I did tell him that he hurt me and that it scared me to date him again. To this he also said he was sorry. I have forgiven him and accepted the situation. But you’re right. It is on me to protect my heart and be a good judge of character. And we are definitely not dating exclusively as of yet. Thanks so much friends!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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