Thinking of breaking NC after being ghosted

[Thamary Scott]

Thamary, good for you (time to bring out the happy bunny!)

 

 

Thank you Vivir! I am much much better and I do have whole days where I can safely say I am a bit happier. The bad days are there as well. Where the feelings of worthlessness sometimes overwhelm me. But I have embraced them as part of my healing process. I know as time moves on, I will reach the land of indifference. I am hanging in there.

[InvisibleLady]

 

I may not have mentioned it but definitely I took advise from all here and my M is in a much better place as well. I think telling my H or not is a personal choice! If I do choose to tell him I will do it in my time and when I know its right. Right now I am fighting to regain everything I lost i.e. happiness, self confidence etc and it is a huge fight if you've been in my situation. I will keep fighting and each day in NC things are getting clearer and I am happier.

 

Good for you for maintaining NC, TS! It is hard, I have stopped tracking the weeks now, but I know I am somewhere beyond 3 months of absolutely NC since the A ended last year.

 

You are right, self confidence does take a beating. Especially since my ego is bruised that he hasn't reached out, even though I don't even want him to! So strange. I will not break NC and will see his not reaching out as a gift. Yes, the clarity gets so much better with time - it is amazing.

 

Keep going!!!

[Thamary Scott]

Good for you for maintaining NC, TS! It is hard, I have stopped tracking the weeks now, but I know I am somewhere beyond 3 months of absolutely NC since the A ended last year.

 

You are right, self confidence does take a beating. Especially since my ego is bruised that he hasn't reached out, even though I don't even want him to! So strange. I will not break NC and will see his not reaching out as a gift. Yes, the clarity gets so much better with time - it is amazing.

 

Keep going!!!

 

IL

 

Thank you! Yes lets keep going and well done. 3 months NC is no mean feat. Believe me I understand you when you say your ego is bruised because he hasn't reached out. Mine is too somewhat. But whenever I think like that I give myself props to say this is one more day that I have chosen not to reach out as well. Because in the past I would definitely have reached out. Not this time. I am stronger and more resolute. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Suffer through and you will get to the other side.

 

Hugs

[KatCha]

Just remind yourself that he is the one stuck, not you. Embrace your freedom. You still have a chance to find a good love while he has made his bed. Let him sleep in it while you get to spend your time in any dang bed you please in the future. It'll get better for you. Stay strong. Your future is full of good potential now that he is gone. One day you may come to see that and it is a realization that is filled with so much beauty and hope after surviving so much bleakness and dreariness. Who needs it! I hope you smile big again soon. Hugs.

[Thamary Scott]

Well, were do I start? Almost 9 weeks NC now. The fact that I am counting shows the depth of my wound. But....it also shows how much progress I have made through the treacherous waters of NC. This is one of the most difficult journeys, no answers to your soo many questions, no nothing...BUT this is also a time for great healing and self discovery. To all those who are starting out NC or who are contemplating NC here are pointers on what has helped me thus far (Maybe it will help just one person):

 

1. I have never checked xMM's social media profiles. NEVER. EVER. No hurts by seeing someone's seemingly perfect life.;

 

2. I have read almost all OM/OW threads on LS some dating from years ago and copied and pasted anything and everything on NC. This got me going through so many dark days. 100s of pages but I do read and hang on to every word as my life depends on it;

 

3. I have also come to understand through a lot of research that xMM was a narcissist who suffered from possibly the worst form of narcissistic personality disorder. He would discard me at whim and blame me for so many things. The A itself was my fault according to xMM despite the fact that he is the one who approached me. The silent treatment. The gas-lighting. I ended up thinking I was crazy and delusional for calling him out on his crap. The devaluation and eventually the ghosting. All points to someone who has unsolved mental issues. You can read a website called Quora for more on this condition called NPD;

 

4. For those who believe in spirituality, know that there is a higher power who can help you out of the deepest and darkest place. Any relationship/friendship or whatever connection to a narcissistic individual can be a spiritual attack for which some never come out alive but if you depend on a higher power you will definitely be freed;

 

5. I play positive music in my car with a positive message which I recycle even subconsciously when I am doing my work or errands. Try the Storm is over by R. Kelly, Alive by Sia and Broken Gracefully by Tasha Cobbs;

 

6. I pat myself on the back whenever my thoughts slip and remind myself how far I have come and how brave I have been. Its still painful. I am still experiencing all nightmares of being discarded several times but failing to leave. BUT I am nowhere near where I was 4 weeks ago, 3 weeks ago 2 days ago and so on. NC truly makes the burden easier with time;

 

7. I am eating right and I have lost some weight and I feel good;

 

8. I have learned to engage with the outside world again and just talk to people randomly being kind and attentive to other people's problems. During the first days of NC I could hardly get out of bed. I was just sooooo depressed and I longed for xMM horribly. Now I do not long of him. Still think of him yes but no longing whatsoever.

 

My final advise is The way to get even with xMM/xOW who has trampled on your heart is to go no contact, to heal by forgiving them and to live a happy life again away from them. You do not need to forget, but forgive That way you break their evil hold over your life. You will not be tied to them with hatred or bitterness. Who loses if you are happy? They do. They will still be empty, sad, dangerous human beings

 

 

All the best!

[brokenheart4ever]

Hi Thamary! wow thank you for sharing your story, so inspiring, its been 8 weeks NC for me, not one peep from him and never will get anything from me. you have inspired me soo much!! thank you for your posts, I just joined! your amazing! i hope you are doing well and staying strong:)

Edited December 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Thamary Scott]

Folks,

 

Phew were do I start??

Well its been exactly one year NC today and I really have no words....

This post is to pull someone out of the hellhole that I was in a year ago!

Its been one tough but also one really really progressive year.

From someone who at this time last year could not get out of bed, could not bath to someone who can type and say in terms of making it? I think I am making good good progress.

 

Those who read my thread know I was ghosted by MM. It was one tough situation and it took everything out of me. It drained the deepest part of my soul. I would sometimes drive to a workplace I've worked for a year and get lost on my way! In short I was crazy, insane all those things! Crying for no reason. Gosh I almost got fired from work. I could not work, could not concentrate. I literary could not lift a finger.

 

I discovered my H also had an OW and it was hell on top of hell. I literary died. BUT we decided to save our M. We went for Counselling, Counselled ourselves, started praying together, exercising together and wow! The things that time do!

 

In this past year I have never done the following:

 

a. Never called or text MM

b. Never went to any of his social media profiles;

c. Never searched for him in in way;

b. Changed my numbers and emails all round.

 

I went from a crazy insane girl to someone who is now opening up their own Law Practice.

If you had told me in the deepest part of hell that I was in that I would celebrate one year NC I would not have believed it!

Its a small small milestone to some but to me its HUGE!

I almost died. I wanted to die. I wanted it to just pass. I didn't know if there was any light! All I knew were dark days! On end.

 

All those who are contemplating NC, do it.

DO IT today.

You have no idea what you are missing out there.

AND the freedom it brings.

If I could help one soul.

Then let it be!

 

Ciao

[Zona]

I discovered my H also had an OW and it was hell on top of hell.

 

Does your H know about your affair now?

[BlindsidedTwice]

Thank you for coming back to share your update. It gives me hope.

 

I'm around 6 weeks NC and I do have moments (sometimes hours!) of clarity, peace, freedom!! but then it all comes rushing back to me and I'm back in the pit of despair.

 

This thread is now completely inspiring. It's obvious how deeply you were hurting a year ago, and now you are able to see so clearly. You are living proof that the hard work is worth it.

 

Thank you x 1000.

[Lewhawk]

Does WS also know about your affair?

[DKT3]

Of course he doesn't know....this isnt reconciliation and she hasn't changed one bit. As an example buried deep in her update is one little bit about her husband and marriage. It's still all about her, so of course her husband doesn't know about her affair

[oldtruck]

OP, you are forcing your WH/BH to live his life and recovery of his

marriage based on a lie.

 

You are condemning your WH/BH to believe only he has sinned

against the marriage.

 

You can be proud that you are maintaining NC.

 

There is no way to be proud that you are deceiving your WH/BH.