Disabled and wife wants divorce after 21 years.

[Orokotikki]

You are doing great, stay strong and keep taking care of yourself Stephen!

[Mr. Lucky]

I agreed, helped her get things set up and we are again talking.

 

Have you noticed her willingness to have positive interactions with you are based on what she needs at the time?

 

She said she can't miss me if we see each other every day. I agree.

 

I can't help but wonder if both you and she think this means the same thing...

 

Mr. Lucky

[StephenTexas]

Have you noticed her willingness to have positive interactions with you are based on what she needs at the time?

 

 

 

I can't help but wonder if both you and she think this means the same thing...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It doesn't matter.

 

I know it means more to me and the odds are stacked against me. I'm not a kid anymore and I love the underdog. Actually, today she told me honestly she did love me and I said I know this time. I know when she means it and when she is lying, that's how I found out in the first place and I will get back to Mr Wonderful later... but that is not why I am doing this.

 

I am not going to change the kind of man I am ever. I will never do anything underhanded. The only reason I have researched her behavior and this guy is to be able to protect myself if things go bad. I would never treat anyone like that, especially the woman I still love.

 

At the same time, I want to help her set up a solid start and then go from there. She isn't going to stay right now. I want these memories of me to stick and be positive where she cannot say, "you set me up to fail," if that happens. It's the man I am and I have never pushed someone down to get ahead. I don't have **** in this man's world, but I have my self-respect and can lay my head down and go right to sleep.

 

I am also not naive. I know she can run right out and do whatever she wants. I choose not to dwell on that but rather on what she is going to think and feel down the road ALONE. Any man worth a **** won't respect her or treat her well knowing she is still married. If that is what she runs with, then I will just let her keep on running... it doesn't hurt me, only her.

 

And I may be wrong but twenty years younger dude seems to have cooled his jets. I would not doubt he will jump right back in but he is a fool if he does because the lawyer said he is a part of things no matter what he does from this point, as are is her buddy who helped her set up her weekend. Both are scarce on her radar now. Take from that what you will.

 

So I will jump back in this weekend as she is moving out and let you know what goes down.

[preraph]

You're a good man, and a really strong one. Unlike so many of us, you don't let your ethics slip during sad and sorry times. I salute your resolve and wish you the best possible outcome.

[Orokotikki]

Really impressed Stephen!

 

I don't want to give any advice which may derail you're chosen path, but if you find yourself wondering what to do next, after having secured yourself and meeting with the lawyer, I could only suggest researching this guy and exposing him - to his wife if he is married, parents, family, workplace.

 

It took me some digging to find out who the OM really was in my situation (used a false name), but exposure helps pop their bubble.

 

Keep strong and know that we are thinking of you and praying for the best possible outcome for you.

[StephenTexas]

Really impressed Stephen!

 

I don't want to give any advice which may derail you're chosen path, but if you find yourself wondering what to do next, after having secured yourself and meeting with the lawyer, I could only suggest researching this guy and exposing him - to his wife if he is married, parents, family, workplace.

 

It took me some digging to find out who the OM really was in my situation (used a false name), but exposure helps pop their bubble.

 

Keep strong and know that we are thinking of you and praying for the best possible outcome for you.

 

 

I have that information for the lawyer to research. he wasn't answering her till today and she has sent him 3 texts, so he must have answered.

 

It has been another tough day. These next few days as she moves out will be the hardest since I lost my father. Y'all send me strength not to falter or break down in whatever form you believe

 

The biggest news is my son in prison sent me a letter and he has figured out what is going on, just doesn't know the details and he won't find out from me, probably his brother. He has found religion which may be what he needed all this time to break from drugs.

 

I will just give you two quotes from his letter to me.

 

This is not all your fault, remember that.

 

I love you and I will always be your son... I got your back, love ....

 

Needed that.

[FMW]

Stay strong Stephen. Thanks for sharing this with us.

[Orokotikki]

We will be pulling for you and thinking of you over the weekend. There is bound to be ups and downs, but stay strong and take care of yourself!

 

Wish I had your strength when I first found out - I am and remain truly impressed.

[StephenTexas]

We will be pulling for you and thinking of you over the weekend. There is bound to be ups and downs, but stay strong and take care of yourself!

 

Wish I had your strength when I first found out - I am and remain truly impressed.

 

She got her keys today. Since I had the open heart talk with her yesterday she has been more like the woman I know. Talking, joking with me and Alex and being warmer on her own towards me.

 

Something happened that make me wonder. Trying not to get any hopes up at this point but she took our son Alex to the next building to show him the apartment. She gave him a key and showed him around.

 

Then she turns to him and says, "If your father and I get back together, you could take this over now that you have a job and have the stuff to start out with."

 

Alex says, "Sure... But Mom, is there really a chance that you guys can get back together?"

 

"Of course there is," she said.

 

It was different for something like that to come from her. Even though I know most separations end in divorce, it made today better for me to know that she does have those thoughts in her mind.

 

Lets see how the rest of the weekend goes.

[Orokotikki]

Wishing you the best Stephen, but watch her actions, don't trust her words.

If someone is willing to cheat on their spouse something like a hopeful or wishful lie to prevent a painful reaction from a (even grown) child is an easy, even natural thing.

Stay strong, focused, don't sprout hopes from her words but her actions, as hard as it is.

 

Was this the weekend she was going to spend with POSOM?

[Mr. Lucky]

Wishing you the best Stephen, but watch her actions, don't trust her words.

 

Bingo.

 

Then she turns to him and says, "If your father and I get back together, you could take this over now that you have a job and have the stuff to start out with."

 

Alex says, "Sure... But Mom, is there really a chance that you guys can get back together?"

 

"Of course there is," she said.

 

StephenTexas, as she's telling your son this, she's moving out of the marital home and into her own place so she can have unfettered access to her OM.

 

Get ready to spend the next several months of your life checking the complex parking lot for unfamiliar cars. And peeking down her hallway, trying to see who comes and goes. And your son's going to be in the middle of this?

 

Seems neither healthy nor constructive...

 

Mr. Lucky

[StephenTexas]

Wishing you the best Stephen, but watch her actions, don't trust her words.

If someone is willing to cheat on their spouse something like a hopeful or wishful lie to prevent a painful reaction from a (even grown) child is an easy, even natural thing.

Stay strong, focused, don't sprout hopes from her words but her actions, as hard as it is.

 

Was this the weekend she was going to spend with POSOM?

 

Yeah she was but it looks like he has given her the cold shoulder. She texted him with no response, texted again the next day got a response an hour later and she sent one back then nothing.

 

Her moving out changed her plans and her friends bailed on her.

 

i hear you MR Right. But don't worry... I handled her moving out too well and really don't count on anything she says, just found it ironic that she brought this up to him. She can be a ****, but she would not lie to him like that.

 

I can't say how I feel about this today except that I let her know she can come over or have me over there when she wants if i am here. I told her I have a list of things to work on if the doc visit goes well tomorrow.

 

You don't have to worry about me being blindsided by her possibly stepping out with someone else. I am going to be too busy to notice if she does not keep the lines open or actually try to work on us before too long. I have must look better with the weight loss because I am getting certain smiles from ladies of my age range... I still remember what they look like. I am not going to turn anything away while this is going on.

[Marc878]

You are putting yourself in plan B status. Why?

[overtherainbow1]

She can be a ****, but she would not lie to him like that.

 

Yea, sure. She wouldn't just say something to make herself feel better and justify her actions here would she? She wouldn't like to string you along too, right? Totally believable. I mean, if she lied to the kids, she'd be the first WW to ever do so.

 

I can't say how I feel about this today except that I let her know she can come over or have me over there when she wants if i am here. I told her I have a list of things to work on if the doc visit goes well tomorrow.

 

Friendzone, Plan B here you come.

 

You don't have to worry about me being blindsided by her possibly stepping out with someone else. I am going to be too busy to notice if she does not keep the lines open or actually try to work on us before too long. I have must look better with the weight loss because I am getting certain smiles from ladies of my age range... I still remember what they look like. I am not going to turn anything away while this is going on.

 

This is good, get busy, detach from her, and be the best you that you can be.

[Orokotikki]

Yeah she was but it looks like he has given her the cold shoulder. She texted him with no response, texted again the next day got a response an hour later and she sent one back then nothing.

 

You really are making an unwarranted assumption here. She could have just deleted the message or replied via some other means - such as phone from work, etc.

 

As to her not being able to lie to your children:

1) Patently naive assumption

2) Easily rationalized by her to such a degree that she wouldn't think of it as lying (such "Of course there's a chance, if it doesn't workout with boytoy I just say sorry and bat my eyelashes if I want, since he's terrified of losing me I can do whatever")

3) Not actually relevant.

 

Stay safe, take care of yourself and stick your plan, if you don't have one work on it.

 

Don't think of your wife as your wife while she is in the affair. Remember invasion of the body snatchers? Think of it like that, that she has been replaced by a space alien that looks exactly like your wife and has her memories. People get all kinds of crazy, out of character, etc., in the throes of an affair.

 

Be careful about assumptions brother - I think you are doing great getting things lined up with the lawyer, I am just worried about the above assumption at the start of my post. Try to think like a detective or engineer - the only conclusion that seems apparent from your statement is that she remains in communication with POSOM. You don't know if intermediate messages were deleted or even if the messages left in place may have been done so intentionally. Its not rocket science for them to think up such schemes especially since there are two of them to come up with such ideas.

 

Basic additional examples: Phone GPS does not show her location, it shows her phone's location (if it is google account location, may be even more malleable). Car GPS same thing. No reply text message --> You do not know what reply was exchanged. No phone calls on account (this one's a killer) --> only shows specific phone number wasn't used to call.

 

AP's have all sorts of tricks they think is so clever. F%^&* @#$@$#. Thing that sucks is some of the tricks are hard to detect or circumvent. There's applications/subscriptions to relay phone calls through other numbers or just messaging services like whatsapp, etc.

 

Any progress on finding out more about him? If he is married and you expose, you can pop the fantasy bubble. Even if he is not married, exposure may still pop the bubble. And if he should work with your wife at all, an HR exposure can go miles!

[Mr. Lucky]

Yeah she was but it looks like he has given her the cold shoulder. She texted him with no response, texted again the next day got a response an hour later and she sent one back then nothing.

 

I don't get it - why do you think this is a good thing or speaks positively of your marriage? She's still trying to reach out to him and, if he's available, certainly will hook-up.

 

Stephen, Elvis has left the building. You have unrealistic expectations and are only setting yourself up for more pain...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Orokotikki]

How you holding up Stephen? How goes the battle?

[StephenTexas]

How you holding up Stephen? How goes the battle?

 

No battles. We had a great day Tuesday, okay day Wednesday and no talking today. I'm busy working on my own stuff when she doesn't want to be around me. She's not going anywhere really because of shift change at work for the last two days + tonight and I know that wears on her. I'm sure we will see each other some this weekend or maybe we won't.

 

I'm working hard on me. I talked with a friend up the ladder at Apple and I applied to go back to work there with his recommendation. It is a job I can do even with my issues and Apple cares more about your talent than your physical issues. They may not pay great but they do take good care of their people's health all around.

 

She was here when I bought my new scales. She tried them and said they were dead on. I stepped on and I have passed the 40 lbs. mark! She told me she was proud of me.

 

I have shifted my focus to me. It is not always easy but I am learning. I'm beginning to remember my self-worth too.

 

I got another letter from my son in prison who said, "She can be a selfish, mean, spoiled brat at times.

 

I'll let you know more this weekend.

[Noproblem]

No battles. We had a great day Tuesday, okay day Wednesday and no talking today. I'm busy working on my own stuff when she doesn't want to be around me. She's not going anywhere really because of shift change at work for the last two days + tonight and I know that wears on her. I'm sure we will see each other some this weekend or maybe we won't.

 

I'm working hard on me. I talked with a friend up the ladder at Apple and I applied to go back to work there with his recommendation. It is a job I can do even with my issues and Apple cares more about your talent than your physical issues. They may not pay great but they do take good care of their people's health all around.

 

She was here when I bought my new scales. She tried them and said they were dead on. I stepped on and I have passed the 40 lbs. mark! She told me she was proud of me.

 

I have shifted my focus to me. It is not always easy but I am learning. I'm beginning to remember my self-worth too.

 

I got another letter from my son in prison who said, "She can be a selfish, mean, spoiled brat at times.

 

I'll let you know more this weekend.

 

 

Congratulations on losing these pounds, and trying to get a job.

I hope it's all work out for you.

I am happy you are getting yourself back

 

Keep at it!

 

Even if she and you return back together, remember you come first!

[vla1120]

No battles. We had a great day Tuesday, okay day Wednesday and no talking today. I'm busy working on my own stuff when she doesn't want to be around me. She's not going anywhere really because of shift change at work for the last two days + tonight and I know that wears on her. I'm sure we will see each other some this weekend or maybe we won't.

 

I'm working hard on me. I talked with a friend up the ladder at Apple and I applied to go back to work there with his recommendation. It is a job I can do even with my issues and Apple cares more about your talent than your physical issues. They may not pay great but they do take good care of their people's health all around.

 

She was here when I bought my new scales. She tried them and said they were dead on. I stepped on and I have passed the 40 lbs. mark! She told me she was proud of me.

 

I have shifted my focus to me. It is not always easy but I am learning. I'm beginning to remember my self-worth too.

 

I got another letter from my son in prison who said, "She can be a selfish, mean, spoiled brat at times.

 

I'll let you know more this weekend.

 

Keep shifting that focus toward yourself! Congrats on the weight loss. You are an inspiration to me. I really need to get past my own blockades and get in gear on exercising and losing this weight (and taking care of myself, too.) Good luck with Apple!

[StephenTexas]

Congratulations on losing these pounds, and trying to get a job.

I hope it's all work out for you.

I am happy you are getting yourself back

 

Keep at it!

 

Even if she and you return back together, remember you come first!

 

Yes, I am making sure of that.

 

This weekend she and I had a breakthrough. I won't go into all the details except to say we are definitely on the same page about how this needs to go if we are going to get back together and we both feel like there is a good chance it will. It took some time to get here and both of us contributed to things going off the track. It is going to take some time for both of us to improve ourselves. I'm not ready yet and she isn't ready yet. But we both are communicating and we both know we love each other.

 

There has been a lot of advice here about different things. I am 56 years old and I have made it by listening to everyone completely and then making up my OWN mind. I truly appreciate everything you guys have said, but I am not changing the way I am handling things. That's me. If things do not work I will not be sorry I took the high road with this life event. I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the new man and the old man.

 

I did a lot of digging and research. Research is one of my specialties in my professional life. I found that there has only been this one guy. Her history has been easy to dig up over the past year. I can also say with all certainty that there is no one else now.

 

Because I have been honest and patient she has been very honest with me about a lot of things. First, she told me what I already knew, her friend has hit the road. Then she told me that all men are stupid. Then she told me I was actually not a stupid man but the rest are. Our evening was productive and we had some quality time together.

 

When I went to leave last night she told me, "I really do love you, I just don't like the man I left." Then she said that I wasn't that man anymore and I was not like any other man. I told her I was never going to be that man and I hope she likes the man I am becoming.

 

AGAIN... there is still a lot we have to do. Actually, there is a lot she has to do. But I wanted to share the progress with you and will continue to do so. I expect bumps and triumphs. There is even the chance that I might change my mind. Whatever the case, I hope my story may help someone else.

 

Whatever happens, I have kept being the man I am deep inside without losing my dignity or pride. I have three grown children who have been watching to see how I handle things and I know they love and respect me for the way I am handling this. I am not trying to be a saint, God knows I would never qualify. I just have to do what I think is right no matter what anyone else says.

 

I will leave you with my favorite saying that I try to follow every day.]

 

Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.

[Orokotikki]

Still praying for you Stephen, I hope you are doing as well as can be under the circumstances.

[StephenTexas]

We spent a week together alone and away.

 

We have much to do still but we are closer than I thought we could be a month ago.

 

Let's see how the next week or so goes before I share big news... just want to make sure it is going to happen. I'm 99% sure it is going to.

[preraph]

Hoping the best outcome for you, Stephen. You have been so patient and kept communication open where so many would just melt down and self-destruct. You're a good man, and a strong one. She surely must realize that.