Switching off

[guest569]

Work can be stressful.. As I move up in the hierarchy I wonder if the extra responsibility is worth the extra money. People can be such a pain.. I'm in a negative workplace where I can't relax and I can't be me. If I say something stupid, make a mistake, or don't make a mistake but second guess myself because my manager always does (he has no faith and no respect because I'm a young woman) or get bullied or abused.. I end up losing sleep and feeling anxiety over it.. The thoughts go around and around.

 

How do you develop thicker skin as a manager and how do you shut off these thoughts and maintain a healthy work and life balance?

 

It might be aggravated because a lot of stuff is going down in my life at the moment. Help!

[Happy Lemming]

Work can be stressful.. People can be such a pain..

How do you develop thicker skin as a manager and how do you shut off these thoughts and maintain a healthy work and life balance?

 

When I worked my main complaint mirrored one of your statements... "People can be such a pain" The bigger the company the more "pains" in the mix. What I did was look for smaller companies with less people to work at, less pains. I had a head hunter/recruiter that would target small companies (specifically) for me.

 

My last job (prior to retirement) was a two person company (me and the owner). It was great!! Can you work for a smaller company in your field??

 

I don't know about thicker skin, there is always going to be a "difficult person" in any given company that will want to "rattle your cage", especially if you are a manager. As far as subordinates, there are those individuals that will test your patience and attempt to get away with pushing the envelope to do the minimum amount of work. I feel your pain, it seems a lot of people view work as playtime and have little to no work ethic.

[Eternal Sunshine]

No good advice but I am in the same position. I am really happy with all the extra money but...managing people is harder than I thought. Even when it's nothing major but the constant annoyance of them "working from home" when they shouldn't, arranging their parking when they decide to drive to work for a day and so on.

 

 

 

I am currently trying to hire for a senior position that's difficult to fill. The top candidate that all super-senior management loves has some dodgy references that ring big red flags. If he doesn't deliver or is a major pain to manage, I will have to deal with it. Yet if I let him go, there could be another 3 months of finding someone suitable, organizing numerous interviews that go for few rounds etc etc. I am currently laying awake pondering this

[Mr. Lucky]

How do you develop thicker skin as a manager and how do you shut off these thoughts and maintain a healthy work and life balance?

 

smiley1, I've never been a young woman so I can't speak to that. But my approach to your other issues was to simply work to my own standards and let the chips fall where they may. I always considered myself a hard worker and I both gave and asked for respect from the people around me. If that was enough for my employer, then great. If it wasn't, then so be it.

 

In other words, just be yourself. Give good effort and treat others fairly, that part's in your control. Learn to let the rest go, that's on them, not you. The good news is, at most establishments, you get to come back tomorrow and do it all over again...

 

Mr. Lucky

[guest569]

Thanks for your replies. It helps a lot already just to vent a little and share experiences and frustrations - with people far removed from that place. HL, I have actually been doing exactly that - looking at smaller companies! I reminisce about my old workplace which was a little smaller, had a positive feel, respect, family.. Good times. I only left because there were no opportunities there for progressing into management or higher technical roles, no stepping stones in between where I was and where the next level was.. so I am glad I moved because I've learned so much. I think now I could go back in to such a place at my current level and hopefully find a nice team and a positive organisation that is a bit less stuffy, dusty and exhausted. Somewhere clean and modern and supportive. I feel positive just thinking about it but it's a matter of landing the jobs! When they even arise!

 

ES that sounds tough. I'm glad I haven't had to hire anyone too senior yet but have heard it is very difficult to find anyone fit for the job. Dodgy references are such a massive red flag. Unless the references were being nasty and malicious. Was it the reports themselves or was the person being shady and providing not so legit references? I've had that happen before where the contacts weren't even legit.

 

Lucky, I think you're right about that. I am always very kind and respectful but it's not going both ways here so I need to just keep being myself and not let it get me down. I will focus on the nice people there.. And there are a lot of them too! It's just that there are sooo many not so nice.. My previous boss was so lovely and he respected me and my style and fully trusted me to get on with the job and would give me the space to do so. I don't think I ask for much! Oh and he wasn't sexist or racist or jealous of me. Sigh.. This day in age, really..

Edited September 18, 2018 by smiley1

[Mr. Lucky]

I am always very kind and respectful but it's not going both ways here so I need to just keep being myself and not let it get me down.

 

Look at it this way - would you want to work long-term for a company where that wasn't part of the pathway to success? Work hard and be smart but have your own standards and boundaries in place. Good things come to good people...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ChatroomHero]

People treat you how you allow them to treat you. It's true in friendships and true at work. If they are treating you poorly, you have to stand up for yourself.

 

 

Now a lot of people will say...but they will fire me....it will make it worse...

But a lot of people never stand up for themselves and are guessing what will happen. What they fail to realize is even though someone verbally undervalues you, they likely value you but do not want to show it. Most people when called on being crappy actually will back down. You are conditioning them on how to treat you. Usually they are coming from a point of weakness, deficiency and lack of confidence in their own skill so try to make people look bad to make themselves look good.

 

 

I had one lousy manager at a company where the company was pretty anti-employee and the manager towed the line. He asked me to do something unethical because the big boss wanted it that way and in front of a dispatcher, I told him in no uncertain terms he was never to ask me to do anything like that to me again and risk my reputation. I told him if the big boss had anything to say to me, I would be happy to tell him the same thing and I was disappointed he (the manager) wasn't moral enough to stand up to the boss and I was embarrassed for him. He apologized, went tail between his legs and never came out of the office the rest of the day according to the dispatcher. Never had an issue after that. In fact I quit under really bad circumstances and they called a week later and begged me to come back.

 

 

Same company, one of the owners of the company tried to change everyone's salary to a bonus structure that it took me less than 5 minutes to calculate that on average I would be working about 10-15 hours a week overtime but taking about a $300 per week pay cut, like basically not be paid for overtime. I calculated right in front of him. He told me to give it a chance I'll make more money. I told him almost verbatim, "You are saying you are offering to pay me more. I am saying I am offering to accept less money, if this was legitimate you would happily pay me less for the same amount of hours so I know it's not legitimate. I'm not interested, it's not going to happen". I walked out and I was the only one there that didn't get scammed. Everyone else signed it and complained about not getting paid for hours worked anymore because the bonus didn't work out.

 

 

I have other examples too, but the point is I know my value and I am not afraid to invoke it. Every lousy manager I have had, if they didn't know my value then their boss did. I never refused over-time, was loved by customers, had not taken one sick day in almost 2 decades and I take on new products before anyone else...I was more important to them than they were to me, even if they wouldn't acknowledge it. Again, they treated me only as bad as I allowed them to treat me and you be surprised to know when you stand up for yourself and your integrity most people will back down because deep down they know they are wrong.