Unluckywife Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Together 5 yrs, we have twin girls age 3. I started to suspect porn use and I found he was looking at gay porn. I told him it was cheating and he said he wouldn't do it. Then I found he posted a nude pic of himself on adult friend finder and seemed to be looking for men cuz that's all the people who viewed him etc. I confronted him and he took it down, now we are in counseling. He denies being gay and having had any intention of physical cheating but his behavior makes me question that. Is there any chance he is not gay? I dont want to waste my time just to have him tell me 10 yrs later or whatever Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 He may be bisexual, but probably isn't gay. He has certainly crossed a line here, and counselling is a good start towards fixing things. He can't be honest with you until he can be honest with himself, and he may not understand why he has this particular urge, especially if he has had a sheltered life. I don't understand the idea that watching porn is cheating, unless it is a religious perspective (and I don't understand - or agree with - that concept, either). Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Its entirely possible that he is either bisexual or gay. He may not know himself. You would not be the first woman to marry a gay man. You probably won't be the last. You need to decide what your deal breakers are for your marriage? Is it acceptable to you to be married to a man who is looking to have sex with others? Is it acceptable if the others are men? I would be highly sceptical that he would not do it again... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 I have a close friend in high school who in his early twenties, found himself attracted to men. At first, everyone thought it was a phase because he was in a bad relationship. Not to say your relationship is necessarily bad though. But anyway, he posted online, and I pretty sure it was craigslist, or some similar site offering blow jobs. Fast forward the story. He is now married to another woman, who often have threesomes with other men. He is bisexual. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Yes he will do it again. This is not something he can give up because his urges won't let him. He is either bi or gay. Both would be a deal breaker for me. Some women don't mind having a spouse or partner who is bi. You will have to decide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 Together 5 yrs, we have twin girls age 3. I started to suspect porn use and I found he was looking at gay porn. I told him it was cheating and he said he wouldn't do it. It's cheating to look at porn or it's cheating to look at gay porn? There's obviously a difference as far as your marriage is concerned. As others have advised, this is a boundary issue unlikely to change. The simple answer would be to leave now unless you want to be looking over your shoulder - and at his browser history - for the rest of your married life. Though I understand, with 3-year old twins, not so simple. Sorry this has happened to you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 (edited) When he puts it in a box and wraps it in Christmas paper with a big red bow on top, will you believe it then? I mean, really, how big does the billboard have to be before you get the message? Whether he’s bi or full on gay, does it matter? What are you hanging onto here? He wants to do it with a guy and probably already has. Being persistently naive about this won’t make it go away. Edited September 19, 2018 by bathtub-row 2 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 Together 5 yrs, we have twin girls age 3. I started to suspect porn use and I found he was looking at gay porn. I told him it was cheating and he said he wouldn't do it. Then I found he posted a nude pic of himself on adult friend finder and seemed to be looking for men cuz that's all the people who viewed him etc. I confronted him and he took it down, now we are in counseling. He denies being gay and having had any intention of physical cheating but his behavior makes me question that. Is there any chance he is not gay? I dont want to waste my time just to have him tell me 10 yrs later or whatever he could be secretly gay Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 I agree with everyone else, he is either bisexual or gay. Link to post Share on other sites
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