Having a hard time

[ItsTheDay]

So, I've been in an almost 6 year relationship. The past year or so, I've been having trust issues but with good reasoning. I know it's not right but I went through her iPad before and I'm actually glad I did. I wasn't happy with what I found, but I wouldn't of known if I haven't. Anyway, we both workout but go to different gyms during the work week because of our different commutes. About a year and a half ago, I found out that she was talking to her friend about having feelings for a guy she met at her gym she goes to near her work. It killed me, I was upset, I wanted to leave her. We talked about it and worked it out.

 

So the other day I found something else out, she's been deleting text/conversations from a guy she works with. So I asked her about it and she said she did it because she didn't want me to take anything the wrong way. Now I didn't hear much about this guy until a little less than a year ago. She actually trained this guy to take over her position, and that's all I knew of him before, was a guy she trained.

 

She travels out of state for work a lot with the position she's in now, she never did with her previous position, the one the guy's in now. But now I'm finding out that he indeed goes on these out of state trips with her and a couple others from her work. I find this really strange since she never had to before. She also does happy hour with people from her work, I'd day once a month and one time it was twice within 10 days, he also goes with her to happy hour.

 

She tells me nothing is going on between them and he's just a friend. I'm not sure what to believe, I'm lost.

 

 

What should I believe? What do I do?

Edited September 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge threads into CFJ and delete duplicate post

[kendahke]

I'm lost.

 

No you're not.

 

You know exactly where you are. You're at the intersection of "Do I trust my intuition?" and "Do I trust her?"

 

Which do you trust more? Follow that.

[ItsTheDay]

No you're not.

 

You know exactly where you are. You're at the intersection of "Do I trust my intuition?" and "Do I trust her?"

 

Which do you trust more? Follow that.

 

What would you believe/do?

[skins4life]

Listen, I understand what you're going through and listen to me.. do not waste your time wondering about where you stand with a person. You need to have a serious talk with her about what SHE wants exactly... if you know you're a good person with good intentions don't waste it.. if you know what you want in life you need to go for it.. but don't let the uncertainty of the situation keep you dwelling for a long time. I have been there and have done that.. Find out what she wants to do..then MOVE ON!

[ItsTheDay]

Listen, I understand what you're going through and listen to me.. do not waste your time wondering about where you stand with a person. You need to have a serious talk with her about what SHE wants exactly... if you know you're a good person with good intentions don't waste it.. if you know what you want in life you need to go for it.. but don't let the uncertainty of the situation keep you dwelling for a long time. I have been there and have done that.. Find out what she wants to do..then MOVE ON!

 

I have a feeling there is something going on with them. I mean why delete his text if there isn't? I think she's going to keep denying it because she works with him and that's not going to change. Plus they leave for another out of state trip for work in less than 2 weeks. He is a married guy with kids but that doesn't mean anything and they could very well be mutual about this situation. He probably doesn't want to ruin is marriage and she doesn't want to ruin our relationship. She could of called it off with him after I confronted her but who knows. There's always 3 sides to story. His, her's and the truth, which I will never know.

 

This is killing me. I told her last night I don't think it's going to work this time. She didn't really say much, just laid there in tears.

[Zahara]

I have a feeling there is something going on with them. I mean why delete his text if there isn't? I think she's going to keep denying it because she works with him and that's not going to change. Plus they leave for another out of state trip for work in less than 2 weeks. He is a married guy with kids but that doesn't mean anything and they could very well be mutual about this situation. He probably doesn't want to ruin is marriage and she doesn't want to ruin our relationship. She could of called it off with him after I confronted her but who knows. There's always 3 sides to story. His, her's and the truth, which I will never know.

 

This is killing me. I told her last night I don't think it's going to work this time. She didn't really say much, just laid there in tears.

 

I was in a relationship once when I had suspicions that he was cheating. I remember he once asked me to look something up on his laptop and when I opened it, his email was up. Respecting his privacy, I quickly gave the laptop back to him but he was so flustered. My senses were up. Then there were the deleted messages. He said the same exact thing -- she was just a friend and didn't want me freaking out. I should have listened to my instincts.

 

I'm in a relationship now that is absolutely transparent. Nothing to hide. No doubts or fears. It's easy. If only I knew then what I know now.

 

Once trust is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild. Doesn't help when one is still exhibiting sketchy behavior.

[Orokotikki]

Trust your gut OP.

If she is hiding messages by deleting them, even if there isn't something going on she is hoping there will be (but far more likely there already is).

 

Common sense test - if there was nothing going on and an old female friend or coworker messaged you, would you be silently deleting it out of worry for her feelings? Or would you think little to nothing of it and leave it on your phone?

 

Now if you were up to something sleazy or hoping or imagining something romantic or flirting inappropriately with said imaginary gal pal would you leave the innocent messages on your phone or furtively delete them?

 

Sorry bud, it don't look good.

How did you find she was deleting the messages?

What were their contents like?

[Ralph79]

A few questions before commenting:

 

About a year and a half ago, I found out that she was talking to her friend about having feelings for a guy she met at her gym she goes to near her work.

1. How did you find out? Was this revealed to you when you snooped on her ipad?

2. What type of feelings? What else went on between the gym guy and her? Was she thinking of leaving you for him? or was it just attraction?

 

It killed me, I was upset, I wanted to leave her. We talked about it and worked it out.

3. What did she actually admit to ?

4. What did you work out? Where there any compromises or promises made by her? Or was it worked out because it turned out to be nothing beyond friendly chatter with her friend?

 

So the other day I found something else out, she's been deleting text/conversations from a guy she works with. So I asked her about it and she said she did it because she didn't want me to take anything the wrong way.

5. How did you find this out? Was it through her Ipad again? Or was it through other means?

6. What type of comments did she admit to making that she believed you might take the wrong way? Did she admit to deleting flirtatious comments? Did she admit to deleting personal information she shared about your relationship issues ?

 

She travels out of state for work a lot with the position she's in now, she never did with her previous position, the one the guy's in now. But now I'm finding out that he indeed goes on these out of state trips with her and a couple others from her work. I find this really strange since she never had to before.

7. Did she exhibit strange behavior around the time she started taking out of state trips with her co-workers?

8. Did she stop answering phone calls or became unavailable while she on these trips ?

9. Do you know any of the other co-workers that go with her on these out of state trips? If so, is it possible to deduce any information out of them?

10. You say you find it strange that she didn't used to go on these trips before. Is it possible these trips are due to her new position?

 

This is killing me. I told her last night I don't think it's going to work this time. She didn't really say much, just laid there in tears.

11. What was the argument about? The deleted messages?

12. She laid in tears simply denying the messages contained anything inappropriate or was there something else discussed?

 

The only observations I can make so far are the following:

 

1. If you have to resort to snooping on her Ipad to see if your partner is cheating on you, then there is no point in maintaining the relationship. I'm not saying you shouldn't protect yourself, but if you don't trust her enough to leave her personal belongings intact, then you are better off on your own.

 

2. Sooner or later you WILL have to trust a partner in your life. You can't live thinking your partners will cheat on you, just because they made mistakes in the past. If you can't get past that, then be with someone you CAN trust.

 

3. There is a remote possibility that what she deleted was something that would upset you because it was personal (i.e.: She might've complained that she can't stand the way you don't trust her, or something like that). Either way, deleting the messages leaves the door open for any number of possibilities.

 

Regardless it's up to you on how you wish to proceed. Something is definitely not right.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I have a feeling there is something going on with them. I mean why delete his text if there isn't? I think she's going to keep denying it because she works with him and that's not going to change. Plus they leave for another out of state trip for work in less than 2 weeks. He is a married guy with kids but that doesn't mean anything and they could very well be mutual about this situation. He probably doesn't want to ruin is marriage and she doesn't want to ruin our relationship. She could of called it off with him after I confronted her but who knows. There's always 3 sides to story. His, her's and the truth, which I will never know.

 

This is killing me. I told her last night I don't think it's going to work this time. She didn't really say much, just laid there in tears.

 

Look, man, I was in the SAME EXACT POSITION as you,

She deleted texts, gaslighted, made me believe I was crazy too,

The truth of the matter is that she had an affair for years,

I caught onto it pretty quickly, but believed her crocodile tears.

 

Do not give her a pass, do not let her fill you with a bunch of lies!

A woman who loves and respects you doesn't act like that, that's why!

If there was nothing to hide, why is she hiding it from you?!

It's because she knows its inappropriate, but doesn't want to give it up too!

 

You already know she'd lied to you before, and here is she's doing it again,

This isn't baseball, you don't give her 3 strikes before you put it to an end,

You gave her 1 chance before, you showed her mercy because of your love,

Now she's playing you a fool by continuing it, it's time you realize push came to shove.

[ItsTheDay]

A few questions before commenting:

 

 

1. How did you find out? Was this revealed to you when you snooped on her ipad?

2. What type of feelings? What else went on between the gym guy and her? Was she thinking of leaving you for him? or was it just attraction?

 

 

3. What did she actually admit to ?

4. What did you work out? Where there any compromises or promises made by her? Or was it worked out because it turned out to be nothing beyond friendly chatter with her friend?

 

 

5. How did you find this out? Was it through her Ipad again? Or was it through other means?

6. What type of comments did she admit to making that she believed you might take the wrong way? Did she admit to deleting flirtatious comments? Did she admit to deleting personal information she shared about your relationship issues ?

 

 

7. Did she exhibit strange behavior around the time she started taking out of state trips with her co-workers?

8. Did she stop answering phone calls or became unavailable while she on these trips ?

9. Do you know any of the other co-workers that go with her on these out of state trips? If so, is it possible to deduce any information out of them?

10. You say you find it strange that she didn't used to go on these trips before. Is it possible these trips are due to her new position?

 

 

11. What was the argument about? The deleted messages?

12. She laid in tears simply denying the messages contained anything inappropriate or was there something else discussed?

 

The only observations I can make so far are the following:

 

1. If you have to resort to snooping on her Ipad to see if your partner is cheating on you, then there is no point in maintaining the relationship. I'm not saying you shouldn't protect yourself, but if you don't trust her enough to leave her personal belongings intact, then you are better off on your own.

 

2. Sooner or later you WILL have to trust a partner in your life. You can't live thinking your partners will cheat on you, just because they made mistakes in the past. If you can't get past that, then be with someone you CAN trust.

 

3. There is a remote possibility that what she deleted was something that would upset you because it was personal (i.e.: She might've complained that she can't stand the way you don't trust her, or something like that). Either way, deleting the messages leaves the door open for any number of possibilities.

 

Regardless it's up to you on how you wish to proceed. Something is definitely not right.

 

1. I snooped through her iPad

 

2. The convo between her and her friend was that she was still pressed over that guy (I take it she's talked to her about him before) and it's exciting to her but she feels bad and he's moving soon.

 

3. She admitting that she was just talking to him at the gym and nothing more.

 

4. She promised that she would focus on us because I'm the one she wants to be with.

 

5. The past few months I would occasionally check her iPad, when she left it home. After the first time, she started taking it to work. She said she would take it to work because she wanted to read. Which I kind of believe because shes into reading. So yeah, I snooped through her iPad again and found out.

 

6. She didn't admit to anything, just said they were work text and she didn't want me to take any text from and to him the wrong way.

 

7. Not really.

 

8. I didn't really bother her while she was away. We would text mainly, sometimes she would call me.

 

9. No, I really don't know them like that.

 

10. Yeah, these trips are part of her new position. But this guy has an old position of hers and when she was in that old position, she never went to any work trips.

 

11. Yes, the deleted text and conversations between them.

 

12. Nothing else was discussed.

[smackie9]

Even tho sex isn't in the mix, emotionally she is cheating, that's why she says "we're just friends". It's the same old song and dance. Now I'm all for privacy, but if you find yourself monitoring her activity, and finding out things she's never bother to mention, then you shouldn't be in this relationship...period. It's ran it's course.

 

 

 

Emotionally, you are not providing what she needs, so she finds it (not intentionally) through this coworker. This normally happens with long relationships. If you don't have a lot of interests in common, and share them passionately and don't bring new things to be excited about to the relationship, it will not last for the long haul. It puts distance between you, and you become too different for each other.

[skins4life]

I have a feeling there is something going on with them. I mean why delete his text if there isn't? I think she's going to keep denying it because she works with him and that's not going to change. Plus they leave for another out of state trip for work in less than 2 weeks. He is a married guy with kids but that doesn't mean anything and they could very well be mutual about this situation. He probably doesn't want to ruin is marriage and she doesn't want to ruin our relationship. She could of called it off with him after I confronted her but who knows. There's always 3 sides to story. His, her's and the truth, which I will never know.

 

This is killing me. I told her last night I don't think it's going to work this time. She didn't really say much, just laid there in tears.

 

 

Yeah, I think it's best to move forward believe me I have been in that situation before I am currently going through a break up with a girl I have been with for 8 years... She wasn't my first love, the girl who I was with before her cheated on me like a test. When I tell you, believe in your gut, and believe what your intuitions tell you. Trust me on this..walk away.

 

Also, if she tells you that she just want to be friends..DON'T it will only tear you apart when you see her out in public with the guy she cheated on you for.

[RedHead5]

In my opinion, if you have to delete a conversation, that's cheating. My definition of cheating is doing anything that you would not do in front of your SO. In those terms, cheating can vary greatly depending on the comfort levels of both parties but she wouldn't be deleting it if she didn't feel guilty.

 

My ex was like this. Except he chatted to many girls and many conversations were deleted. We we're about 6 years in when this started to get bad (although I think it was going on for longer) and I started noticing things and secretly reading his messages too.

 

He told me it was all innocent and I was overreacting about this one exchange of messages but he ended up messing around with her at work and had a sexual harrassmemt charge filed against him. Not saying that she is messing around, or at least not yet, but it's dangerous behavior that only leads to one place.

 

Best advice I could give is if you are unhappy, leave. I tried to stay in an unhappy marriage out of obligation and had this done to me and I was soooooo much happier once I got away from him. Don't stay with someone who treats you like crap or takes you for granted. Especially if you have talked to her and she refused to make changes.

[PRW]

Well, I'm going to be the odd man out here.

 

I didn't see any problems with her. Every normal human being is going to have a moment where the feel like they have "feelings" for someone they met while in a relationship, especially if they have spent 6 years putting up with the pressure from someone who has trust issues. It means they are alive and breathing. Anyone who is high enough quality of a person to have options, and claims they haven't is lying.

 

She has been in a 6 year relationship with you and she has NOT dumped you. Think how easy it would have been during those 6 years for her to meet another guy (she seems to have lots of opportunity) and then just simply dump you and forget it. Why stay with a guy and tolerate his ongoing trust issues for 6 years when she could probably have started up something with another guy anytime she wanted and just dump the guy with the trust issues. But she didn't. That speaks volumes about her commitment to you.

 

The reason she doesn't tell you every detail and hides some things from you is because you most likely during those 6 years previously demonstrated that you can not handle it and start accusing her of things and snooping into her stuff. So she doesn't want the grief and the accusations.

 

I can't count the times I have run across women who tell me, "My boyfriend is just so jealous, I can't tell him anything."

Edited September 20, 2018 by PRW

[ItsTheDay]

Well, I'm going to be the odd man out here.

 

I didn't see any problems with her. Every normal human being is going to have a moment where the feel like they have "feelings" for someone they met while in a relationship, especially if they have spent 6 years putting up with the pressure from someone who has trust issues. It means they are alive and breathing. Anyone who is high enough quality of a person to have options, and claims they haven't is lying.

 

She has been in a 6 year relationship with you and she has NOT dumped you. Think how easy it would have been during those 6 years for her to meet another guy (she seems to have lots of opportunity) and then just simply dump you and forget it. Why stay with a guy and tolerate his ongoing trust issues for 6 years when she could probably have started up something with another guy anytime she wanted and just dump the guy with the trust issues. But she didn't. That speaks volumes about her commitment to you.

 

The reason she doesn't tell you every detail and hides some things from you is because you most likely during those 6 years previously demonstrated that you can not handle it and start accusing her of things and snooping into her stuff. So she doesn't want the grief and the accusations.

 

I can't count the times I have run across women who tell me, "My boyfriend is just so jealous, I can't tell him anything."

 

I can see your point but I didn't have trust issues for our whole 6 years. It wasn't until I found out about the guy at her gym Which was about a year and a half ago.

[PRW]

I can see your point but I didn't have trust issues for our whole 6 years. It wasn't until I found out about the guy at her gym Which was about a year and a half ago.

 

No, I would say the guy at the gym just made the issue apparent. If you didn't have trust issues you wouldn't have been worried about the guy at the gym. That situation wasn't anything that any normal couple wouldn't experience at some point during a six year period.

 

I think you need to quit complaining and be thankful for what you have. She could have left you at any time but she didn't,...the guy at the gym proves that. If she is going to dump you then it will happen and there isn't anything you can do about it.

[ItsTheDay]

No, I would say the guy at the gym just made the issue apparent. If you didn't have trust issues you wouldn't have been worried about the guy at the gym. That situation wasn't anything that any normal couple wouldn't experience at some point during a six year period.

 

I think you need to quit complaining and be thankful for what you have. She could have left you at any time but she didn't,...the guy at the gym proves that. If she is going to dump you then it will happen and there isn't anything you can do about it.

 

Does it? Who knows if I didn't find out and who knows if he wasn't moving. She said he moved here for a short time but moved out of state. With the gym guy, something just felt off. She was getting into different types of exercises that she said she couldn't do before because of her bad knee (deadlifting & squats). She started buying all this gear for those. Straps, belt, shoes, wraps etc. Whenever we went to the gym, did none of those workouts with me. So yeah, I thought something was up and I found out there was. That was a flag for me that something was up.

[Ralph79]

Given all the information you have shared with us , I think the easiest thing to advise you would be to leave the relationship.

 

But I would do so with caution. Yes there are a lot of clues you have discovered that would lead anyone to believe she's cheating on you.

 

But what concrete evidence do you have?

 

Not trying to play mind-games with you here, but I'm simply trying to make you think of a few possible alternate "realities":

 

1. It is normal for people to develop chemistry with other people they spend a lot of time with. Co-Workers, Gym-Buddies, etc. It's human nature. HOWEVER it's one thing to develop feelings for someone you constantly have to be with, and it's a completely different thing to act on those feelings. You had a hunch because she started doing exercises with another guy she wouldn't do with you. And your GF confessed to another friend she was developing feelings for this gym guy? Would she have acted on those feelings? You will never know. You acted in time to prevent further temptation and "possibly" going further with this guy, but at the same time lost the opportunity to test her faithfulness.

 

2. Again, because 99% of the time it's true, the deleted messages are a red flag. But I for one don't think they were necessarily flirtatious or sexual. They could have been, that doesn't mean they were. There is a 1% chance they were private message that either related to your relationship or to a personal problem she doesn't want to share with you. If my wife wrote to a friend: "Don't tell anyone, but my Husband and I are having issues in bed. He doesn't turn me on anymore .... etc" I would seriously be pissed off. Obviously my Wife would delete a message like that. Deleted messages aren't necessarily an indication of an affair, but they are a breach of trust of sorts.

 

Lastly,

 

I can see your point but I didn't have trust issues for our whole 6 years. It wasn't until I found out about the guy at her gym Which was about a year and a half ago.

 

So you didn't have trust issues for 4.5 years. But what PRW states sill applies for the last 1.5 years.

 

If you don't trust her, or if she can't be trusted, then prolonging the relationship is just toxic for both of you.

[FMW]

Her behavior is sketchy. If you told her you weren't sure things were going to work because of this and all she did was cry, then that right there would be another clue to me.

 

We women love to talk - there is no way she wouldn't be making a passionate effort to convince you there was nothing going on unless (a) there was, or (b) for whatever reason she just isn't feeling your relationship anymore.

 

Keep your eyes open.

[RedHead5]

With my ex, I didn't have trust issues until I found those texts. In the first 5-6 years, I never got into his phone. I just had a feeling something was off. I could be wrong but OP's situation sounds soooooo similar to mine.

 

When he told me it was nothing, I took it at face value and still trusted him. A year later he was telling me he got sent home from work because of the sexual harrassment charge. It was a complete and total shock. I was shattered. (But it was a blessing in disguise for me.)

 

My ex was also so afraid of being alone that he wanted a relationship badly but didn't want to take the time and effort to put into it. He also had low self esteem and used flirting with other girls as a way to make himself feel better I guess. OPs girlfriend could be staying because it is easier than leaving even though she is not happy and just having her cake and eating it too. Leaving someone after that long takes guts. It's scary.

 

And she may not be physically cheating but if she is spending all her time and effort flirting outside the relationship she is not vested. If she is staying even though she is not vested it will be a miserable life for both of them.

 

Besides this issue, are there any other problems in the relationship? Do you both put in effort to resolve those? Do you guys still go on dates, put time into keeping things close between you?

[preraph]

Why can't you just accept that she wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be? It's a lot of insecurity. Thinking a guy at the gym is hot is, well, pretty much inevitable, isn't it? Traveling for work probably isn't up to her. Being close with people you work closely with is normal. Workplace relationships are usually harmless. Even sometimes flirty just because people get bored at work and tease each other, but it doesn't mean either of them want to not be with their respective partners.

 

 

Bottom line, if she didn't want to be with you, she's a working girl and not dependent on you and there's nothing to keep her from leaving if she doesn't want to be with you. So you can assume she does.

 

She hid those things because you did the ultimate snooping, which isn't a nice thing to do and is more a product of your insecurity than anything you have done. All because some guy at the gym is hot. She could be telling a friend about him but it's likely just idle talk. She didn't say I want to leave my man for him.

[misspalmy]

So, I've been in an almost 6 year relationship. The past year or so, I've been having trust issues but with good reasoning. I know it's not right but I went through her iPad before and I'm actually glad I did. I wasn't happy with what I found, but I wouldn't of known if I haven't. Anyway, we both workout but go to different gyms during the work week because of our different commutes. About a year and a half ago, I found out that she was talking to her friend about having feelings for a guy she met at her gym she goes to near her work. It killed me, I was upset, I wanted to leave her. We talked about it and worked it out.

 

So the other day I found something else out, she's been deleting text/conversations from a guy she works with. So I asked her about it and she said she did it because she didn't want me to take anything the wrong way. Now I didn't hear much about this guy until a little less than a year ago. She actually trained this guy to take over her position, and that's all I knew of him before, was a guy she trained.

 

She travels out of state for work a lot with the position she's in now, she never did with her previous position, the one the guy's in now. But now I'm finding out that he indeed goes on these out of state trips with her and a couple others from her work. I find this really strange since she never had to before. She also does happy hour with people from her work, I'd day once a month and one time it was twice within 10 days, he also goes with her to happy hour.

 

She tells me nothing is going on between them and he's just a friend. I'm not sure what to believe, I'm lost.

 

 

What should I believe? What do I do?

 

im sleeping with a married man. and lies he tells his wife are out there. yet she knows he cheated b4.

 

anyway what im saying is people that do cheat make you feel like your the one crazy but your not its your gut telling you something is not right, xx

[RedHead5]

Why can't you just accept that she wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be? It's a lot of insecurity. Thinking a guy at the gym is hot is, well, pretty much inevitable, isn't it? Traveling for work probably isn't up to her. Being close with people you work closely with is normal. Workplace relationships are usually harmless. Even sometimes flirty just because people get bored at work and tease each other, but it doesn't mean either of them want to not be with their respective partners.

 

 

Bottom line, if she didn't want to be with you, she's a working girl and not dependent on you and there's nothing to keep her from leaving if she doesn't want to be with you. So you can assume she does.

 

She hid those things because you did the ultimate snooping, which isn't a nice thing to do and is more a product of your insecurity than anything you have done. All because some guy at the gym is hot. She could be telling a friend about him but it's likely just idle talk. She didn't say I want to leave my man for him.

 

That's not the ultimate snooping. You shouldn't have anything to hide in an honest relationship. I'd gladly hand over my phone to my SO. And yes, there are convos with other males in there. But I have nothing to be ashamed of in my conversations.

 

I have been cheated on a few times. My intuition has been spot on every time. When someone is cheating, it's not just oh they are talking to that hot guy/girl and I should be jealous, it's a something has shifted in my relationship and it's not the same feeling. Something is off.

 

I don't like jealousy or insecurity (although I am occasionally guilty of both and do my best to rationalize it and get over it quickly) and I try to give the benefit of the doubt to my partner. But deep down, I think people KNOW when they are being cheated on. Especially in longer term relationships. It's deeper than the superficial jealousy.

[todreaminblue]

you know i was watching this show today...its actually called today:)...and it was talking about the new trend or possible trend of monogamy contracts...which i happen to really feel is a good thing....before marriage even and during marriage even....ill try to condense what was said....

 

basically that trust issues and feelings of insecurity are the most damaging thing to a relationship...matters of the heart...matter...

 

a monogamy contract covers not only sexual liasons but friends of the opposite sex what as a couple each person is comfortable with or not comfortable with in regards to spending time with opposite sex friends phone calls etc.... and consequences of breaking the contract......it all seems smart to me and just..something in writing....i sort of think its almost like a pre-nup without the financial....but then ..consequences may be financial....and i have never been married so i dont really know the ins and outs of pre nuptials...when i have been engaged to be married..... partners have known my character so it was never needed

 

what i do feel with monogamy contracts is it puts couples on the same page and gives them that sense of unity in everything including matters of the heart....not a bad idea....because op....your feelings matter ...as do your partners......but...if those feelings arent the same or she doesnt feel strongly enough to make sure you are secure and comfortable in the relationship maybe she just isnt for you....you should come first as should she to you......i wish you well and i hope it works out for you.....deb