bab Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 I've mentioned a couple of times that I HATE wedding planning. My latest idea fell through and I'm back at square one. Blah. The problem is... My mom and sister expect a big extravagent deal and think that since I'll be entering the work force next year, I shouldn't worry about the money. My fiance's parents don't want us to spend much and have only immediate family and a couple of close friends. My parents fiance have given us $5000, and I expect between $4000-$8000 from my parents. My fiance thinks we should walk away with money (and lots of it) in our pockets. I feel sooo pressured from all sides that I haven't been able to figure out what I want. Novel idea huh? I know I don't want to put anything on a credit card, and I want some of my cousins there. That's as much as I've got. I'm not sure what I'm asking for here. The wedding fairy to drop from the sky and make it all better would be nice...Hmmm...seems unlikely. Are other people here that are/have dealt with similar things? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 My mom and sister expect a big extravagant deal and think that since I'll be entering the work force next year, I shouldn't worry about the money. I'll be the first to state the obvious - it's not your mother's or your sister's wedding so forget about them & concentrate on what you & your fiancé want. A friend of mine recently got married. They had a lot of pressure for a big, expensive family wedding - something neither of them was interested in doing. They ended up paying for their own wedding, which was small, quiet & attended by a few close friends & family. Six months later they attended a big family party held in their honour & paid for by their parents - as far as they were concerned they were just repeating their vows & the family got the wedding they wanted. It doesn't have to go so far as there being two weddings, but everyone is going to have to compromise somewhere - you can't please everyone. Not going into debt for a wedding is a wise decision and $9,000 to $13,000 seems like a decent amount of money for a party, if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Elope and splurge on the honeymoon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bab Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 I'm defintely not going to spend more than we are given, that's for sure. My fiance of course doesn't want to spend even half that, which is a challange. I'm seriously considering eloping, but I'm scared I'll regret it. I know I need to get over trying to please everybody, but it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
JPMorgan Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 When I was little I played dress up and dreamt about my fairy-tale wedding. I knew the dresses and flowers and music. I have everything planned exactly how I wanted it to be. I dreamed about it until it became an expectation and as I got older it was something I *knew* I would have someday. I budgeted about $500 for the wedding! My wedding was everything and more that I had hoped and dreamed for. It cost well UNDER $500! I realized I didn't need and no longer wanted the little-girl fantasy. Reality and fantasy just don't mesh and personally I think spending thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding party is downright silly -- but to each his own. Do what you & your guy want to do. Be grateful for such lavish gifts of $$$ and spend/invest wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 1. compromise on everything 2. you won't be able to keep everyone happy no matter what you do 3. a moderate wedding where you get to pocket some ca$h after is best 4. many spend more thought on their wedding than their marriage, don't be one of those 5. do what you want after taking into account what others want 6. it is you whose getting hitched so you have final say 7. a lavish and expensive wedding is nice but having a down-payment for a house is even nicer. it is one night of fun for all vs. a roof over you head for decades. 8. don't skimp on the food and the open bar 9. have fun alpha Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 3. a moderate wedding where you get to pocket some ca$h after is best I agree with you Alpha.. My wedding cost about 25,000 and other than you get some great pictures the money was really spent on everybody but the bride and groom. I look back at it today and think that it could've been alot more moderate. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Reality and fantasy just don't mesh and personally I think spending thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding party is downright silly -- but to each his own. Ditto. $500, JP. That's sweet! I'll give you a call to help with the planning if I ever decide to get married. bab, forget about what your parents and his parents want/expect. Hear out their advice and suggestions, but do what you and your guy want. It's your wedding not theirs. They should just be happy for you both and if that's not enough for them, that's not your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 If your parents and his parents are paying for the wedding then shouldn't they have some influence over the wedding planning? It seems kind of shady to accept money for a wedding but then just pocket most of it. Not that I think weddings should be overly extravagant but it seems a little silly to complain about having $9,000 - $13,000 to spend as you want. Oh, you poor, poor, thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Elope and send the money to me. Heck, if they need someone to spend their money, I'd be glad to help with that. It is YOUR wedding. Have it the way that YOU want it. Don't forget that you are investing your life in a marriage, not a wedding. If small makes it more intimate and personal for you, then go with it. Let your parents spend their money on a big bash over the holidays or something. Better yet, tell them that you would prefer to use the money as the beginning of a down payment on a house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bab Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 3. a moderate wedding where you get to pocket some ca$h after is best 8. don't skimp on the food and the open bar Any advice on how to reconcile these? These are the two items that are driving up the cost the most. If your parents and his parents are paying for the wedding then shouldn't they have some influence over the wedding planning? It seems kind of shady to accept money for a wedding but then just pocket most of it. Not that I think weddings should be overly extravagant but it seems a little silly to complain about having $9,000 - $13,000 to spend as you want. Oh, you poor, poor, thing.. Well, his parents want us to pocket most of it for a downpayment on the house. They DON'T think we should spend it. My dad hasn't voiced an opinion, and I'm trying to decline my mom's $4000, which is why there is a range. She's always tried really hard to be fair, and she gave my sister $4000 for her wedding, and she is set on giving me the same amount. You are right that I'm very lucky to have been given so much. I suppose that's why I'm so stressed about about trying to please everyone. Maybe I'll see if I can do it for $8000, and we can save my fiance's parent's money. I agree with you Alpha.. My wedding cost about 25,000 and other than you get some great pictures the money was really spent on everybody but the bride and groom. Wow. That is a ton of money. It's encouraging to hear that you don't think it was really necessary. JP, what did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Any advice on how to reconcile these? These are the two items that are driving up the cost the most. when I said "don't skimp" I meant go somewhere in the middle. Don't get the best food and booze but don't get the worst either. Also, by limiting the # of guests you will limit the bar and food bill. Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Why not run off to some tropical island like my friend is doing. She said these are the dates, this is when the wedding is going to be, place etc.... We wish everyone can join us, if not we understand. And they are not stressing. They look at it as their day, nobody else's. All her friends are planning on going and paying our own way...... Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 1. Spend half the money you received on your wedding. The only rule is for people to have fun, and you can practically do that for free. 2. Donate the other half of the money to the hurricane survivors. 3. Rejoice in the fact that your love was celebrated helping others in a lasting way, and not just glossed over by buying things that won't even last longer than a day. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 I'm getting married in a year and have already started the planning. My parents are giving me and my fiance $20,000 to do anything we want with. My fiance and I seriously considered eloping but after days of thought we decided to have a wedding. They key to saving money is to shop around! I did research on the internet and found many places in my area and they give a price range too. My fiance and I met with some places and we got the best price in our area. We also saved money on DJ, Video, and Photo by going with a company that does all three for you. It saved us thousands of dollars. We're not having flowers, except for bouquet, wedding party, parents of bride and groom etc... We're making our own centerpieces and favors as well. Also, follow YOUR heart. Weddings are happy times. Don't let family members ruin the experience for you. It should be a fun, happy time. Best of luck to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bab Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 Why not run off to some tropical island like my friend is doing. My fiance's best friend is getting married over Christmas in Hawaii and we're going. I don't feel comfortable asking people to spend that much money to come see me. I guess that's silly since I don't know the couple all that well and I'm excited about going to their wedding. My latest idea was to rent a beach house here in the US at a beach nowhere near an airport, and have it there. The owners said no and my family hates the idea, so I'm getting extremely frustrated, and looking for alternatives. A moderate wedding sounds best. I made an appointment for Monday to look at a place that I could have both the wedding and reception with an onsite caterer. My hope is that combining everything into one place will save money...?? 4. many spend more thought on their wedding than their marriage, don't be one of those So true. We've been dating for 5 years, and started talking about marriage after the 2nd year. There were a couple of things that didn't mesh about how we envisioned our futures so, even though we had a great relationship at the time, we talked about our future lives for another 2 years before we were both sure that our future plans could mesh. The last year, I admit, I got a bit antzy waiting for the proposal. Now we've purchased a book full of questions we are supposed to ask each other before we say, I do. We talk about them over dinner. It's really nice. Plus, we killed our TV, so we almost HAVE to talk to each other now. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Plus, we killed our TV, so we almost HAVE to talk to each other now. What about Monday Nite Football and Desperate Housewives? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bab Posted September 10, 2005 Author Share Posted September 10, 2005 What about Monday Nite Football and Desperate Housewives? We are watching the neighbor's dog today, and my fiance has already ventured over there to watch the Michigan/Notre Dame game. It's a grand experiment, and we'll see how long it lasts!! Link to post Share on other sites
AmberAriesMom Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 I've mentioned a couple of times that I HATE wedding planning. My latest idea fell through and I'm back at square one. Blah. The problem is... My mom and sister expect a big extravagent deal and think that since I'll be entering the work force next year, I shouldn't worry about the money. My fiance's parents don't want us to spend much and have only immediate family and a couple of close friends. My parents fiance have given us $5000, and I expect between $4000-$8000 from my parents. My fiance thinks we should walk away with money (and lots of it) in our pockets. I feel sooo pressured from all sides that I haven't been able to figure out what I want. Novel idea huh? I know I don't want to put anything on a credit card, and I want some of my cousins there. That's as much as I've got. I'm not sure what I'm asking for here. The wedding fairy to drop from the sky and make it all better would be nice...Hmmm...seems unlikely. Are other people here that are/have dealt with similar things? First, it's your wedding so A) if you want one, then use the money people have given you for as much as you can get, B) if you want to elope or have a smaller one, use what money you need and give back the rest of it..or at least offer it back to the original owers! Good Lord! Do not just take the extra money for anything without the permission of those who offered it for your wedding! Link to post Share on other sites
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