Having a tough time. 2Mo out

[FlyingTiger]

I'll keep this brief.

We started dating a little over a year ago. Relationship was amazing until the last month of dating for 7 months. She ended it

because she "didn't think we were a good fit." I followed all the wrong "get your ex back" advice I could find. I chased, kept

communication alive, constantly tried to fix the problem. Less than 2 month later we were back together. We worked our issues

out and were doing great. I realize now that I never allowed myself or our relationship to heal. I think it was mainly due to the

fact I fell in love with her and her son. I know it sounds silly coming from a man but I saw every aspect of my future with them

in it. It was like I saw the future and the little details were coming along with it.

 

 

Even though she was the one who said she wanted to get back together, and I did want that. I hesitated and really thought it

over for about a week before I gave her an answer. I now know I wasn't asking the right questions. Our second relationship lasted

for 5 months. She didn't give me a true reason why, mostly it was the general BS dumpers say. One thing she did say was she

had a problem with the fact that we never fought or had any big arguments. She didn't think we should have the want or

need for "alone time" (We mutually agreed to allow each other a day away from each other) and she was talking about marriage.

Basically that she was ready to get married.

 

Again I made the mistake as before. A month after the break up

I told her again we couldn't be just friends. It's been a month since I've made any contact with her. No call, text, IMs, watching

snaps, etc. I decided to give us a hard NC. 2 weeks into it I posted a picture "If we ever stop talking, send me a song". She

replied with Mercy by Brett Young. This tore me but I decided I needed to ignore it because 1 she needed to know life without

me and 2 it didn't seem like a legit reach out.

 

I've followed everything I've read on NC and moving on. I've excelled in my career, picked up a few new hobbies, started eating

healthier and working out harder. I started seeing a therapist and taking medication (that's another story). I've completely stepped

out of my comfort zone. Even been on a few dates. For anyone who's trying to better themselves or move on, I'll tell you that

dating is hard. DO NOT jump into this. I was honest with my dates about my previous relationship and even though we had a great

time together, it was a total disaster on my healing because I wasn't ready. Hell, I'm still not over my ex. I still find myself thinking about

her, her son, family and friends. The days I don't are followed with dreams of them. Oh the dreams...

 

Nonetheless, I have been working to improve myself and move forward, I still long for that text/call from her. I had to walk away,

and even though I want her to come running back, I had to do so for myself. I'll be in indefinite NC until she reaches out, mainly

because I know I'd take her back even after what we've been through.

 

 

 

 

 

I guess why I'm writing this is for advice. This process of healing

will be difficult and won't come overnight but I need to know am I doing the right thing? How long before it's too late?

Or the fact that I haven't heard from her, does that mean it's too late? We cannot go forward together or fix whatever

it is unless she makes the first move and is willing to, I know this. What more can I do to better myself, move forward, stop the hurt?

I apologize if I rambled on. I welcome your insight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What we do in life echoes in eternity."

[coolheadal]

We men fall into certain traps and this woman you was with had some issues. Just don't know what your getting involved with. She single mom raising a kid. I guess the kid isn't yours. She told you and her haven't argue so you know she has some social issues there in her head. What's going on with you emotionally your seeing someone for help and taking meds for depression or anxiety if you care to share. If not it's okay.. Stay away from single moms they'll just break your bank and you. I've been there too, but I am on no meds though and not seeing anyone for help. I heal myself as healer etc. That's another story that runs in my family. For you I see you have changed your life around that's great. Move on and forget what you had to with your ex. Going back to them isn't the same either. I tried that in 2016 with a woman that was sociopathic liar, she had everything bi-polar as well an schizophrenic. Lied about everything and drove me to the point to get the heck out of it sooner. Just move on and cope.

[Chassit]

I too am at the two month mark and am still hurting horribly. I don't have any real advice for you especially since you seem to be doing better than I.

 

 

I did want to let you know that yo are not alone though. Hang tough an. I know I'm trying to.

[shydad]

I fell in love with her and her son. I know it sounds silly coming from a man

 

Hi FlyingTiger, this is not silly at all.

 

I guess why I'm writing this is for advice. ... I need to know am I doing the right thing? How long before it's too late? Or the fact that I haven't heard from her, does that mean it's too late? We cannot go forward together or fix whatever it is unless she makes the first move and is willing to, I know this. What more can I do to better myself, move forward, stop the hurt?

My advice to you is to keep doing what you're doing: sit tight and make no move. You need time to think about this and figure out what you want.

 

Your thoughts are conflicted and appear to be unclear and unfocused. You appear to be highly cautious, yet ready to jump back immediately if she messages you. I think maybe you're more than a bit obsessed with her. You're also dating other women. These ideas seem really jumbled to me. You need more time to figure things out, at least a few more months for sure. You are not in a great position. You're vulnerable: As far as I can tell, a single message from your ex will determine the path of your life.

 

The personal improvements you've been making are fantastic! (career, hobbies, lifestyle)