Wanderlust2018 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Single guy here...I’ve been involved physically with a married woman off and on for several years. She has no intentions of changing her situation at home nor do I expect her to. She does however become very jealous and upset when I am dating single women and has gone so far as to tell me she wants me to be exclusive to her, even though she’s married. My question is, is this kind of thinking common!?!? I really can’t for the life of me get my head around someone who is married and having an affair with a single person expecting exclusivity from the single person. Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Selfishness. Thanks basically what it is. And if you allow it, then thats on you. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 She is married so is probably of the monogamous mindset despite her dalliance with you. She may expect exclusivity from you, either as she is actually ONLY sleeping with you or she does not want to catch any STIs from you, which she may pass on to her husband. or she may be just be a very jealous/possessive person. You sleeping with others makes you "unsafe" both health wise and if you get close to some other woman/women you may let slip her secret... She doesn't want to risk being found out. You being a free agent is dangerous for her in many ways, therefore she wants to keep you all to herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 I would only agree to that is a divorce was filed... if not then don't agree to it. Date others, having you keep your options open is healthy for you Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Wanderlust. There are other threads on this topic. Of course, they are older, so they won't be found unless you search for them. I agree with everyone, but Elaine's post mimics what I would've written. At worst, she doesn't want to pass any sexually transmitted infection to her husband, whom she is likely still having sex with when she is not with you. When I first read what you wrote, the word "RIDICULOUS" literally flashed in red neon in my mind's eye. I think it is utterly ridiculous for a married person to ask a single person not to see anyone else. I mean, really???!?!?! Then I think back to a time when the MM I was totally in love with thought I might be sleeping with someone else and I remember feeling fear that he wouldn't want to be with me anymore, that he would see me in a worse light... I remember feeling fear. Of course, he was still sleeping with his wife. He never admitted to it, but he did admit that if I knew anything of their home life it would be like salt in my wounds. In the end, my mind was caught up with this MM and for that reason I had been completely unavailable to anyone else romantically or sexually... even when I tried to break free. I am just now - after more than a year - feeling like I might be interested in going on a date... not sex, not relationship, but maybe a date. If I could do it again (I wouldn't), I would still only sleep with just one person, but he wouldn't know ANYTHING because I wouldn't tell him anything just like he didn't tell me anything... but I would date anyone I wanted to go out with and leave him if it became serious. That is what I would do in a perfect world... but, of course, that is NOT what I did, and I am paying for that, I think, every day. That's my take. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Single guy here...I’ve been involved physically with a married woman off and on for several years. She has no intentions of changing her situation at home nor do I expect her to. She does however become very jealous and upset when I am dating single women and has gone so far as to tell me she wants me to be exclusive to her, even though she’s married. My question is, is this kind of thinking common!?!? I really can’t for the life of me get my head around someone who is married and having an affair with a single person expecting exclusivity from the single person. Of course she doesn't want you dating anyone else. You're supposed to be head over heels in love with her and you are only putting up with her husband because she's the woman of your dreams. That's the fantasy in her head. All affairs are based on fantasy. Your fantasy is probably having sex with a pretty woman with no strings attached. ...yeah, OK. Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Omg....tell her no. That’s a ridiculous and selfish expectation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Decades ago when meeting MW's, I was looking for an exclusive relationship so if they were on the way out, cool, but I dated around and wasn't beholden to any one particular person from a commitment standpoint. If they were solidly in the M and simply liked to play or gather attention, cool, as things mutually worked out we socialized. I used them mainly to hone/keep honed the skills I was learning from the successful guys since single women were in short supply. MW's can get territorial if they get emotionally attached. In a sense you become a surrogate husband and they want you all to themselves. That's cool, get a divorce and we'll sail off into the sunset together. Else, fair is fair. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 There is increadibly irony here... She is not exclusive, and yet that is exactly what she expects from you. That is very hypocritical and not very reasonable... Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Do better for yourself. Not only do you deserve better than to be a sidepiece, you may be putting yourself in real physical and mortal danger. Finding your wife cheated is one of the few things that can turn a meek, mousy man into genuine killer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 Do better for yourself. Not only do you deserve better than to be a sidepiece, you may be putting yourself in real physical and mortal danger. Finding your wife cheated is one of the few things that can turn a meek, mousy man into genuine killer. That is a very good point. Being an OW may make you persona non grata in certain circles and wives may hate you with a passion but it is not usually a dangerous "occupation", being an OM is a bit different, at best you may get beaten up, at worst dead... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted September 24, 2018 Share Posted September 24, 2018 I really can’t for the life of me get my head around someone who is married and having an affair with a single person expecting exclusivity from the single person. She's not thinking about what's best for you, only for her. To her, having sex with you and then going home to her husband is perfectly normal. Others might not agree. Doesn't make one person any more right than anyone else, it's all a matter of what you're willing to put up with in order to stay with a person. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Single guy here...I’ve been involved physically with a married woman off and on for several years. She has no intentions of changing her situation at home nor do I expect her to. She does however become very jealous and upset when I am dating single women and has gone so far as to tell me she wants me to be exclusive to her, even though she’s married. My question is, is this kind of thinking common!?!? I really can’t for the life of me get my head around someone who is married and having an affair with a single person expecting exclusivity from the single person. People get jealous, yep, even when they are married and it makes no sense and it's unfair. It's very self-centered. She can feel how she wants but I wouldn't allow her to dictate what you do when the scales aren't balanced. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 If as a married woman she wants her OM to be exclusive to her then why not? It is up to the OM to walk away if that doesn't suit Many MM demand exclusivity from their OWs so no real difference there. He has his wife and his OW needs to be faithful to him alone. Few really want to be part of a casual sex ring. The married person in an affair, often dictates the terms as they are usually the one with the most to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 If as a married woman she wants her OM to be exclusive to her then why not? It is up to the OM to walk away if that doesn't suit Many MM demand exclusivity from their OWs so no real difference there. He has his wife and his OW needs to be faithful to him alone. Few really want to be part of a casual sex ring. The married person in an affair, often dictates the terms as they are usually the one with the most to lose. Very true. There are many stories on this board from women who's MM have demanded that the OW be exclusive - despite the fact that they continue to have sex with their wives (or better yet, lie to the OW and tell them that they are not having sex with their wives... "staying only for the children.") It doesn't mean that it's a reasonable request. In fact, the OW/OM would be foolish to agree and devote their lives to another who is obviously, not devoted in return. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 I'd tell her no, or, given that she's already lying to her husband, do what you want and lie as well. Seriously, though, I don't think you should lie to her, but you can tell her that what you do isn't any of her business under the circumstances, and refuse to discuss it. Of course, she may decide that's not good enough, and dump you, but surely you can do better than a cheater, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 She’s sleeping with you and her husband, but wants you to be exclusive. Right. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Not uncommon with high maintenance MW's. It's all about them and, TBH if they're attractive enough they will get what they want. Seen it a lot. Guys line up to service their egos and, as appropriate, nether regions. The first decade or so, over a generation ago, was shocking. Didn't realize women could be like that. I learned The cool part is calling them on it. OP, try that. IME, they'll poof you faster than you can spit. Like you were never there. Because, in reality, you never were. They let you love them, or stroke their ego, or insert body parts. The man is interchangeable. That's reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Tell her you will be glad to be exclusive when she shows you divorce papers but until then you will have sex when you want with whom you want and to not ask you about it anymore. Who does she think she is? Trust me, when you tell her this it's going to drive her crazy and she may push for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Tell her you will be glad to be exclusive when she shows you divorce papers but until then you will have sex when you want with whom you want and to not ask you about it anymore. Seems like fair play to me... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 She’s sleeping with you and her husband, but wants you to be exclusive. Right. Yep... epitome of selfish and self centered cheaters. Ask her husband if he agrees with her brand of "being exclusive". Go date a LOT of women. She has no right to ask anything of you! Link to post Share on other sites
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