I have feelings for my former high school teacher?

[ZeframInventorofWarp]

I'm a 21-year-old man. Live with my dad, work as a bank teller full-time while attempting to launch a publishing company and own a car. I like to think I'm a fairly normal guy. But I saw my former high school English/History teacher recently, let's call her Mrs. Howell.

 

God she was beautiful. Is and was. She's a small blonde woman with a perfect and adorable smile. I just saw her by chance recently while I was out in town. Now I've always had a longstanding crush on this woman from when I was just a boy of 15 in her class. I remember she left the school for Europe when I was 17 in Grade 12 and was gone for the remainder of my duration in high school. But I never stopped thinking about her, even wrote her a message that I sent to her at one point. Then several more afterwards that I never sent but kept writing as drafts to keep up some kind of a vent about her I guess. Even into my 20's I found her on my mind less but occasionally she'd pop up. Now seeing her again brought back all those feelings I thought I'd buried.

 

Now this woman is significantly older than me. Unmarried, single? I don't really know, but definitely unmarried. I remember hearing something about her being divorced when I was in her class. But she is well older than me. By 22 years. And with me at 21, that makes her 43. I was 15 when I first met her, 37, upon moving back to my hometown with my mother.

 

I want to ask her out when I go to my former school to speak about entrepreneurship at the end of this month. Might be a horrible idea. But it wouldn't be the first horrible idea I've had. Besides. I know I'm young, but I remember the woman who always called on me to read in her class and then stopped suddenly because she saw how impressive my communicaton skills were compared to my classmates and wanted me to be humble about it. The woman who once called me "wise beyond my years" and was so excited to read my manuscripts that I'd write and that I started at one point writing almost solely for her. Because it got to the point where at the end of every two week period at the end of school the high point of my two weeks was rushing to her classroom, flashdrive in hand, and handing her off the latest chapters of my stories for her to read that she really started getting into. Those days cancelled out all of the bullying and loneliness that I felt at school and at home. Or getting straight As and excellent marks in her class 'cause I couldn't keep my ****ing eyes off of her so of course she was the one teacher who I was paying absolute attention to. Or just talking to her about Mad Men and Breaking Bad because we had similar interests. Or even just listening to her give lectures, because this woman had a huge, sexy brain with wicked intelligence and a lot of actually really interesting, intelligent observations and ideas.

 

I might be young, and it might be naive, but I want to live in a world where a man my age can court a woman her age having met the way we did and have it not be weird and succeed despite the pressures that everyone, especially society, might otherwise place. I want to believe that a man my age who met her the way I did can in fact pursue a woman like hr and win in love with it despite all the odds. I want to believe that I could have even a fleeting chance. Because I want to believe in love and romance and I'm a wickedly hopeless romantic and I just know that I could find a way to be the man that she deserves...just not the one she needs right now. Or something like that. At least I could never stop trying, even if I could never hope to offer her what a man her own age or older could (house, car, financial stability). But I could offer her...something. And something's gotta be worth something. Something's better than nothing, right? I can't be crazy, right? There's got to be a shot here.

I just remember that woman who walked over to my desk with a chair and sat down in front of me on my first day and explained to me how she knew how it felt to be the new kid and I shouldn't feel out of place. And I know that she did that because she's a teacher and they're supposed to be nice like that but damnit, it was just so sweet and warm and she didn't have to do that. Or all the times I stopped by her class after school looking forward to dropping off my latest manuscript and talk to her and how much I'd be able to get her to laugh thanks to my sarcasm and my quick-wit humour and stupid references. Or even during oral history presentations when she was just laughing through all of my add-libbed speeches with tons of pop culture references and the parts written on my hand that I tried to be inconscpicuous about or my videos that she loved so much she wanted to use as examples for other classes. And of course, calling me older than I am on the outside and "wise beyond me years".

 

And again I know she's a teacher and that's her job to make her students feel special and attended to but ****. She's perfect. Even her imperfections. She's just perfect. There's only one better girl than her I've ever met (and fallen for) who was like her: Beautiful, sweet, warm, kind, loving. But she's dead. So Howell is without a doubt and easily the most beautiful and sweetest. Even at 43, even at 22 years my senior. Honestly, she definitely does not look 43. Maybe 30 at the most.

 

I'd rather make an idiot of myself pursuing a woman so beautiful and incredible and who's so sweet and warm and makes me feel a way that's indescribeable than I would let another good thing pass me by. I'm just not sure that I can take another hurt. Getting rejected hurts. I've a previous loves. And I've been rejected by a previous love. 2 just might be my limit.

 

But my alternative is living my life in fear, letting this woman get away, and potentially missing out on something good, even if it might not lead to anything.

 

And anyway it really wouldn't be anyone else's business if I even did pursue her and something managed to come of this. It wouldn't be anyone's place to mention the age difference or how we met. Just because I was a boy in her class when we first met and now...well, you get the picture. That would be entirely something between us to overcome and face on our own.

 

I might be stupid.

 

But it wouldn't be the first time.

 

Would it be crazy if when I go speak at my former school, I ask her to just a nice, innocent platonic coffee and see where it goes?

[BaileyB]

No woman is perfect. No man is perfect.

 

The fact that you think this woman is perfect just shows your youth and nativity.

 

Technically, you are both of age and she is not your teacher anymore, so you would not be doing anything “wrong” if you approached her.

 

However, if I was the teacher in this situation (and I am about her age), and I was approached by a former student who is barely legal and thought he wanted to date me... Well, I would be polite but I would most definitely not even consider the thought. I’m sorry.

 

I would suggest that you remember her as a wonderful teacher and find some girls closer to your own age and stage in life to date.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think you should reconsider your plan because in this situation, rejection is almost a guarantee.

 

She knows you as a young boy you were, not the young man you are today. Not to mention what dating a former teenage student would do to her reputation and career. There are very few male teachers that would take that risk, and even fewer women, for good reason.

 

I respect the depth and sincerity of your feelings, but it so unlikely that your feelings will be returned, even if she thinks you are nice guy and is flattered. There is just way too much on the line for her.

 

I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I can see you setting yourself up for major disappointment and hurt.

[FMW]

Ask her, just keep your expectations under control.

[d0nnivain]

You are going back to the school as the speaker not some kid. If you see her, ask if she'd like to grab a coffee with you after school to catch up. See if she responds well to that. See how things go during the coffee. If she seems responsive then you can ask her on a date.

 

She may turn you down on principle due to the age difference & the ick factor for her that you are a former student.

 

 

My point is work your way up to asking for the date & make sure she's receptive to being asked out. It will reduce the awkwardness. Whatever you do, don't gush at her about her perfect you think she is. Save that for your post-coital interactions if things get that far.

[Mardelis]

Put things into perspective. There's more than a 20 YEAR age difference. You're in two different places now, and think about what it will be like when you're 50. She'll be around 73.

 

You gotta think this through, don't act on [] impulses. Lots of guys "marry their mother" and it's not always a bad thing but with this sort of age disparity it's going to be a trainwreck.

Edited September 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix spacing; edit for tone

[preraph]

I don't think you know whether she is married or otherwise taken or not, and you should find that out before making any invitations. If she's all that, she's got a man if she wants one. There's been plenty of time from the last divorce to find someone new. Why not just ask her if she ever remarried. If the answer is no, say, "I had a selfish reason for asking." I believe she will feel odd about your age difference, though, because she knew you when you were just a child, really. So be prepared to accept if she still views you as her student.

[rightondude]

I say get it ol' boy

[Noproblem]

What you gonna lose if you ask her out?

But I suggest you first ask her to hang out and discuss work or whatever befor you really asks her out.

 

 

Men marries girls younger than them by 30 years old and nobody bats an eye, but when women date younger, suddnely it is a taboo. Yes, the age gap of 22 is huge, but we only live once in this life and this woman might be the one!

 

Who knows!

It might be just an itch and once you date her or get rejected you will move over and start new!

 

As unrequiteed love cure is by confessing and either getting rejected or getting the approval, but if left unsaid, it can last for years and years, believe me I know!

 

I just see this life as one opprutinuty only, we regret many things, but the "What ifs" are always the hardest regrets.

 

 

What if you dated her and had a wonderful love story with her that lasted despite all odds?

What if you dated her but died early, at least you dated the one you had crush on for years before you died

 

What if you dated her and discovred she was disgusting and grew out of that love??

 

So go for it!

Edited September 25, 2018 by Noproblem

[rightondude]

agree with poster above. Only thing I regret in life is the shoulda coulda woulda's. The boneheaded moments are just laughs for later on.

 

Maybe your fantasy is her fantasy too? As long as you don't put her in an awkward situation I say go for it.

[stillafool]

One thing is for sure OP, whether she accepts your invite or not, you will have made her day. (hell month, maybe year).

[allenfrank194]

I think you've gotten some good advice here.

 

Don't let the super negative people get you down or make you feel like you're a weirdo for this attraction/fantasy. You never know what she's thinking until you ask.

 

When I was 21 I had a crush on the prettiest cocktail waitress in the hotel/casino in Las Vegas where I worked as a waiter while I went to UNLV. Problem was, EVERYONE wanted to date her, she was 37 and divorced with two young children.

 

I did what several people here have suggested you do. I asked her if she felt like getting a coffee or lunch one day (we both worked swing shift). She said yes. We had a great lunch. I was nervous as hell and she made me feel comfortable. The vibe was nice and we were both flirting with each other the entire time. We ended up dating for 2+ years. I have great memories of this experience with her, her children and her broader family, which I came to know very well.

 

I was once taught this by someone:

All we can do in life is ask for what we want while giving up control of the outcome.

 

It's not very nice to get nasty, hostile or make the other person uncomfortable just because we don't get our way.