confused

[sandy]

I have been sort a kind of seeing this guy for 8 months off and on, things were great in the beginning, but then it stopped I have been talking to him every day since we met.To make a long story short, I really like this guy alot and I know he likes me.and even though we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, and he can date and I can date whoever we want, the other day I told him that I wanted to come see him since I havent seen him in 3 months. Well he said that could be a problem, he admitted to me he was dating someone else. I just lost it, I cant stop crying I feel like Ive been dumped, I knew he was probably seeing someone, but knowing it for sure, I dont know what to do. I dont know if I have a right to be upset cause we werent in a relationship. I dont know if he just said that cause I caught him off guard (that happend to me before)I need to talk to him, but I dont know what to say, I have so much to say to him, I dont want to loose our friendship because technically he didnt do anything wrong. I hope I am making some kind of sense,I am just really confused and its hard to explain.

[Tony T]

Knowing when to forget somebody and move on is the hardest thing we have to learn. You might have been great buddies with this guy but not great enough for him to tell you (unsolicited) that he was dating somebody else.

 

He may have had you on a string as a reserve, he may not have sensed your level of interest, you may have been somebody to do something with when nobody else was around, or you may have been a great friend. Opposite sex friends often, by necessity, have to be tossed in favor of a relationship where the new partner may not understand.

 

You may not be as interested in him as it seems right now. A lot of times, our interest increases when somebody becomes unavailable. If you've been able to live a good life without seeing him for three months, once you get used to the idea of him seeing someone else you'll likely forget about him.

 

At any rate, I don't think he's treated you nicely considering the tone of the relationship you had with him, talking everyday, etc. However, the fact that your relationhip with him wound down after a time was your hint that you needed to move on.

 

Now that you've got the facts and you clearly understand that there is someone else he prefers to be with, you are free to find someone who prefers to be with YOU. That's exactly the way it's supposed to work in the dating world. Nothing personal...there's somebody GREAT for everybody. Now, go for it.

 

Oh, yes, it hurts, but only temporarily. But reality can't be changed. In life, once you learn to embrace reality, you'll never have another problem.

[sandy]

Tony,

 

you said that he may have not sensed your level of interest. My mom seems to agree with that theory, I always kept everything to my self, in fear that if I said to much of how I really felt, that I would scare him away. And the other night when this happened, we were talking on email, and I told him that I wanted to come see him, and I just lost it as I said previously, He probably didnt know what to think, cause whatever was on my mind I said, and I never done that with him before. I was asking him if it was serious, he told me to stop to calm down and relax. What gets me is that when I first met him 8 months ago, I was on cloud 9 and he just got out of a long term relationship and he basically said he didnt want a relationship, and I excepted that, thats why I basically kept how I felt about him to myself. The only thing that will be hard for me that I cant let go of,is the fact that I talked to him everyday,and I know that I cant call him anymore, but its going to be so hard to really let go, cause its not like we hate each other. SORRY SO LONG, I KNOW IM IN DENIAL

Knowing when to forget somebody and move on is the hardest thing we have to learn. You might have been great buddies with this guy but not great enough for him to tell you (unsolicited) that he was dating somebody else. He may have had you on a string as a reserve, he may not have sensed your level of interest, you may have been somebody to do something with when nobody else was around, or you may have been a great friend. Opposite sex friends often, by necessity, have to be tossed in favor of a relationship where the new partner may not understand. You may not be as interested in him as it seems right now. A lot of times, our interest increases when somebody becomes unavailable. If you've been able to live a good life without seeing him for three months, once you get used to the idea of him seeing someone else you'll likely forget about him. At any rate, I don't think he's treated you nicely considering the tone of the relationship you had with him, talking everyday, etc. However, the fact that your relationhip with him wound down after a time was your hint that you needed to move on. Now that you've got the facts and you clearly understand that there is someone else he prefers to be with, you are free to find someone who prefers to be with YOU. That's exactly the way it's supposed to work in the dating world. Nothing personal...there's somebody GREAT for everybody. Now, go for it.

 

Oh, yes, it hurts, but only temporarily. But reality can't be changed. In life, once you learn to embrace reality, you'll never have another problem.

[Tony T]

Well, you just met him at the wrong time. You were a comfort to him during his healing process but once he was ready he moved on. I hope you learned something from this. If you get interested in someone who is just out of a relationship or on the rebound, run for the hills.

 

You're going to be just fine. Yes, it hurts like hell for a while and you'll have an empty feeling. But you're lots smarter now and you won't let anything like this happen again. Go through the healing process, which shouldn't take long since you weren't in a full blown relationship with him, and go find somebody nice for yourself.

 

Always be kind to yourself.