househunter Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 (edited) How do you leave a marriage when I have not worked in 20 years. Only a high school diploma. I am unable to work. Not getting disability. Husband has always had the income. Kids are grown. I feel stuck. Nowhere to go, because I have no income of my own. Any woman out there been in this predicament? Please help with any advice. Edited September 25, 2018 by househunter Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 I’m sure there have been women in your situation. If you’re in the US, you’re entitled to spousal support after two decades of marriage. You raised the kids, took care of the house/household, etc. I’m assuming your H has had a job/income all these years? Talk to a lawyer and get informed. Then start looking for a job. You’ll need one eventually. Get started sooner rather than later! Jobs like cleaning homes, etc. don’t require a degree, the hourly pay is not bad (physical work), and you can make your own schedule. Just an idea to get started! Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 You hire an attorney to hammer out a separation agreement that will be filed with the court, your husband will have to provide some support till you can get a job, unless you are past retirement age then things change somewhat and he might have to provide support forever. When the divorce goes thru you will get granted Alimony till you get on your feet and can support yourself.. Of course the amounts and duration all depend on the state you are in. So.. to start you need to seek an attorney and hire one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 How are you living if you have no income? How do you pay your bills? You will have to contact an attorney as well as get a job. Any job. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 I am unable to work. Not getting disability. You may have to rethink one of these two. Unemployment is very low right now and employers are begging for workers. But if you can't work, you should further explore your options for disability or assistance. You seem stuck mentally as well as logistically. You'll have to overcome that inertia to get what you want... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Why are you unable to work? Unemployment is very low right now and company's are hiring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author househunter Posted September 25, 2018 Author Share Posted September 25, 2018 We have been married over 28 years. My husband has a good job and has supported the house and all the bills. I have been unable to work after the kids grew up because of a disability. I stayed home to raise them. I didn't know I was entitled to spousal support. And in my state it looks like I would be. We are not at retirement age. I know I would either have to file again for disability,(was denied as husband made too much money, and I had not worked long enough to collect off my own) or find some kind of job if in fact I decided on separation/divorce. I don't think I could stay in the house and ask him to leave? Because I cant afford the mortgage. or the bills here. My kids are grown but I still have three of them still here. I would have to go live with some kind of relative I would suppose. And do lawyers offer no fee consults for the first visit normally? The advice on here makes me feel a little better. Because I really did not think separating was even an option because of the financial aspect. I am afraid to say too much because I don't know if he would be able to find out if this was me on here. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Yes, you can find lawyers who give free initial consultations. I would get a smaller, more affordable condo, the (grown) kids can stay in the house with your H. I wouldn’t bother with large mortgages in your situation, even with spousal support. Just too much responsibility. Cut out all extra (financial) baggage and start over. Keep it simple. It can be very empowering. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 If anyone is entitled to spousal support, you would be. 28 year marriage and you cannot work due to disability, the money is as good as in your pocket. However the duration is in question. Some states might award lifetime support, you need to research this a bit. If you provide your state, I've got a good reference I can check to give you an idea of how long you'd be eligible for- but of course you never know for sure until you get the court's decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author househunter Posted September 25, 2018 Author Share Posted September 25, 2018 If anyone is entitled to spousal support, you would be. 28 year marriage and you cannot work due to disability, the money is as good as in your pocket. However the duration is in question. Some states might award lifetime support, you need to research this a bit. If you provide your state, I've got a good reference I can check to give you an idea of how long you'd be eligible for- but of course you never know for sure until you get the court's decision. I don't want to say my state on here. Is there anyway I can send you a PM on here? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 I don't want to say my state on here. Is there anyway I can send you a PM on here? Thank you You may not have PM rights yet. Just google spousal support + [your state]. Link to post Share on other sites
Author househunter Posted September 25, 2018 Author Share Posted September 25, 2018 Ok, so I actually did a google search on this for my state. And ya'll were right. I certainly fall into the category of being eligible for spousal support. Now I don't feel so stuck. I know now I have an option and I don't have to put up with certain things any longer. I can use my voice to express my feelings on things without being afraid of backlash. Or having a fear of just going along with things because I was afraid I would have no place to go, and no way to support myself. I really, really thought there was no way out if I needed it. Now I know. I am new here, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the responses. Ya'll have been a great help! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 (edited) I don't want to say my state on here. Is there anyway I can send you a PM on here? Thank you You can research by doing an internet search using your state and the term spousal support. Edited September 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Yes, you can get spousal support. Also, go to a family services place in your area ... and call up a divorce attorney for a free consultation ... Many give free consultations. The divorce attorney will tell you what your options are ... and how they'd go about representing you ... And lots of divorce attorneys will work without payment from you ... and instead, they will bill the husband for your legal fees. The legal fees will come out of settlement. In fact, schedule multiple divorce attorneys ... and get different perspectives ... and choose the one you like the most. They will know you're consulting with more than one attorney. So a family services place for some help ...+ google divorce attorneys and your state/city/town whatever ... Call and ask if they offer initial consultations for free and set up appointments. I had to hire an attorney for a matter about ten years ago. I was broke, and yes, the initial consultations were free. When you meet with the attorney, reveal everything ... your fears ... your disability issue ... the whole thing ... Good attorneys are like counselors. Totally nonjudgmental. And the more you reveal, the more they can think clearly about your case. Good luck. You have more options than you think you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 and make sure you are not using a community computer he uses in order to post here or google info, if you do then clear the search history and cache Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 You won't be entitled to Social Security Disability because you never worked long enough to pay into the system You probably can't get SSI (the charity one) because the money levels are sooooo low you would never qualify. You can't live on that anyway. Do look into getting spousal support. See where you go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 My kids are grown but I still have three of them still here. Does "here" mean living in the house with you? Unless they're rent-paying roommates, you may have to kick adult children out of the nest. Time to focus on you and your needs... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 If there's any abuse going on here, please contact an organization in your area that helps (or even shelters) abuse victims. They could help you with the legal process, too, and possibly at no cost to you. Link to post Share on other sites
familylawfirm Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Do not worry, the jury ensures that both party leave in good terms and are able to sustain themselves. Such cases happen very often. You need to hire a well qualified lawyer who will deal case professionally. I faced similar issues with my husband but the Family Law Firm was very professional to deal with the case. Check their link: Top Compitetive Attorneys For Legal Divorce In New Mexico Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 If you are unable to work due to a disability, visit your doctor and start the documentation to apply for disability. However, I do want to say that there are many jobs out there that do not require physical labor of any type. If you are lacking in skills, many community colleges offer classes to help you get out into the workforce. You would most likely be eligible to take these classes free of charge. There are MANY resources out there to help a woman in your predicament. When you do gain PM rights, feel free to private message me. I would be happy to help you do a little research to get you started on your way. Sheesh. I forgot that you probably won't qualify for disability if you do not have the necessary years worked. Link to post Share on other sites
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