Why do people impose time limits on friendships?

[Popeye_Jones]

I am just at a total loss. I have gotten to a point where I am honestly afraid to get close to anyone anymore because they don't stick around for more than a year. And most of the time, it's not even that long. Friendships (with me, anyway) seem to have a lifespan of about 10 months. And they always tell me that it's "nothing that I did". Well, okay, then why are you ending it if I didn't do anything? I know that nothing is forever, but, jeez, does it have to be over so quickly? Do friendships really run their course faster these days? I don't get it. And the real kicker is, it's not like these people are moving on to anything wonderful or exciting after they end our friendship. Surely I can't be THAT terrible. In this day and age, is it to be expected that people are not going to stick around long, for whatever reason? I'm just baffled. And completely alone now...

[preraph]

I think people are spending so much time alone on their phones and playing video games that people aren't seeing each other face to face as much. It is disappointing. There's nothing like having someone to go somewhere with you.

[Zapbasket]

I don't think people post time limits on friendships so much as they decide they don't want to further invest for one reason or other.

 

Maybe we could help more with your question if you gave a specific example of what happened on one of these short-lived friendships? It sounds like you confronted some of them for them to say, "It's not you." What happened?

 

Sorry you're having this experience.

[guest569]

That's odd. Was there a falling out? I guess I slow fade friends when they irritate me. Aside from that I've not ended a friendship unless there was a fight.

[Popeye_Jones]

I don't think people post time limits on friendships so much as they decide they don't want to further invest for one reason or other.

 

Maybe we could help more with your question if you gave a specific example of what happened on one of these short-lived friendships? It sounds like you confronted some of them for them to say, "It's not you." What happened?

 

Sorry you're having this experience.

 

It's really confusing. Things will go along just fine for the first 6-7 months. And then, I can start to sense a change in them. Like they just aren't happy with me anymore. I ask and I get told not to worry because it's nothing that I did. Yet, they still end up cutting ties with me. It's quite clear that they aren't hurt by the lack of me like I am by the lack of them. And I am the common denominator in all of these instances. Yet, when I confront people about why they have gotten so cold towards me, I get told the usual stock answers. "You did nothing wrong. You are/were a wonderful friend. It's not you, it's me". Well, it just stands to reason that I am doing something wrong, because every friendship with me seems to run the same course. Awesome for 6-7 months, followed by a sharp downturn in their demeanor towards me.

 

Now, the most recent situation may be a little bit different. I had a good friend for about 10 months. Same situation, things were just wonderful for the first 6 months. Then she got cold towards me. I confronted her about this and I got told the same old crap about how it was nothing I did. Finally, she told me that she was in a "depressive episode". Ok, I can understand that. But this particular "episode" had been going on for MONTHS now. Part of it is, I just reached my wits end. I don't write people off, but I have just grown weary of waiting for this depressive episode to pass. She told me that perhaps it was best to call it quits. Even though I was sick of waiting for her to just get back to some semblance of what she used to be, I still did not want to lose her as a friend. But she felt like it was best. She even told me "oh, darling, this isn't fair to you. This episode should have passed by now, but it hasn't, and to be honest I don't know if it ever will. So, why don't we just end it out of fairness to you, because you deserve better".

 

Well, the thing is, A) People are NOT expendable to me. I am not the type to just go out and "replace" someone. B) Even if it were that simple, even if I could just move on that easy and replace her, I can't just snap my fingers and make new friends appear. I appreciate her saying that I deserve a better friend, but right now, there is nobody else just waiting in the wings for me. It's just me all by myself. I'd rather have her in the state she is in than nothing at all. But, she has made the decision for me. So, now, I sit all alone. It's just so discouraging to know that no matter how good of a friend that I am to someone, I'm never going to have a friendship for more than a few months. For one reason or another.

Edited September 27, 2018 by Popeye_Jones

[Zapbasket]

Have you put yourself through a bit of a "friend checklist"? For example:

 

--Do you express interest in your friends' lives, by asking about their day / feelings / dreams and then doing your best to remember the details?

--Do you listen to them when they talk?

--How's your hygiene? Deodorant, toothpaste/mouthwash, clean hair, clean feet, full daily nether-regions wash?

--Are you a polite guest at their homes? As in, you don't freely rummage through their fridge or drawers, you flush, you at least offer to help clean up the dishes after a meal, etc.?

--When you make plans, do you mostly keep the plans? Do you show up pretty much on time?

--Do you minimize gossip? Attempt to not dwell exclusively on your problems? Refuse to make or laugh at jokes at others' expense?

--Are you considerate of other people's budgetary constraints?

--Are you solicitous towards others' spouses / significant others / children / other friends / family / etc.?

--Are you vociferous in your political opinions to the extent you refuse to talk about anything else, or are not open to other viewpoints?

--Are you respectful of the fact that friends have other obligations besides those to you? Or do you call them every day, expect to have a long conversation, want to see them every weekend, etc.?

 

These are just some of the questions you might want to ask yourself. You say "they" in your first paragraph, which implies the ~6-month friend fade is more than a one- or two-time experience. Which MIGHT suggest there could be something you're doing in your friendships that makes it difficult for friends to continue with you.

 

That said, it's awfully lame of these "friends" not to tell you if something you are doing is putting them off. You could get so many more answers and such better clarity if you could have an exchange with one of THEM rather than us strangers on LoveShack. Is there a former friend you feel like would be receptive to hearing from you, where you could just be direct and say, "Hey, I would really appreciate your help with something. I feel like I might be doing something to put people off. I know you distanced yourself from our friendship and said it wasn't anything I did, but I hope that was the truth and not just you protecting my feelings. I can take your honesty and your insight would really help me be a better friend and person if you could spare a half hour for me to buy you a coffee."

 

The depressed friend I think you just have to take at face value for now, and step away for a bit. Maybe you can reach out to her in a couple of months, tell her you've been concerned about her and would love to see her if she is able. And then leave the ball in her court.

 

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's so difficult when people can't or won't be straightforward. And remember: it could be nothing you did, or nothing about you whatsoever--just that you choose the wrong kinds of friends or are just experiencing a spate of bad friend luck. It happens.

[stillafool]

People now a days are so busy with their own lives and minds that they barely have time for alone time with themselves. You can't place all of your friendship eggs in one basket. Maybe it's best to have many friendships so when one is taking a break you always have another one to hang out with. Unless you have a sisterhood with certain friends (meaning you've had a long, close association) friends tend to drift in and out of people's lives. People are interested in your friendship because you offer a certain thing then they no longer need that and drift into another friendship while putting you on hold.

[Zapbasket]

People now a days are so busy with their own lives and minds that they barely have time for alone time with themselves. You can't place all of your friendship eggs in one basket. Maybe it's best to have many friendships so when one is taking a break you always have another one to hang out with. Unless you have a sisterhood with certain friends (meaning you've had a long, close association) friends tend to drift in and out of people's lives. People are interested in your friendship because you offer a certain thing then they no longer need that and drift into another friendship while putting you on hold.

 

But what you're describing are acquaintances, not friends. Friends are people who enter into a friendship with you because they are interested in YOU. And they pursue that interest with at least gestures of consistency (too busy to get together at certain periods but will pop you a text and say, "saw this funny article and thought of you--how are you?).

 

So either the OP begins what she thinks is a friendship, but the other person feels is an acquaintanceship...or, they both enter into what both would call a friendship, and OP is hurt when the other person obviously demotes it to more of an acquaintanceship (the "slow fade"), without offering an explanation, even when asked.

 

OP, which is it, do you think?

[LuckyM]

Yes maybe they are mere acquaintances, or what I call fully clothed acquaintances, meaning that you know them well but they are not friends.

One way to tell is to stop the activity that you do with them. Say bowling, watching TV, parties or--then see if they still want to be friends or hang out with you. If they don't, then they are not true friends, they are activity friends only. Friendships can end in a minute and evolve into only phoning and texting.

[Popeye_Jones]

But what you're describing are acquaintances, not friends. Friends are people who enter into a friendship with you because they are interested in YOU. And they pursue that interest with at least gestures of consistency (too busy to get together at certain periods but will pop you a text and say, "saw this funny article and thought of you--how are you?).

 

So either the OP begins what she thinks is a friendship, but the other person feels is an acquaintanceship...or, they both enter into what both would call a friendship, and OP is hurt when the other person obviously demotes it to more of an acquaintanceship (the "slow fade"), without offering an explanation, even when asked.

 

OP, which is it, do you think?

 

That's actually a really good question. I think it's more of a case of the latter. Myself and the other individual will enter into what we both consider to be a friendship, and then the other person invariably backs away from the friendship, demoting it to an aquaintanceship. In fact, most of the time, they just flat out end it. Shoot, I'd even settle for a demotion, LOL. Because at least then, they would still be around, at least to some extent.

 

I actually tried something different just recently. I figured I had nothing to lose. I contacted my depressed friend and told them straight up in a (sort of) joking manner, "Listen here, I'm not going ANYWHERE! I love you. We are FRIENDS,and friends stick together. You say that I didn't do anything, well, if that wasn't entirely true, you tell me right now what I did, and I will either ask for forgiveness and another chance or I will walk away if that is what you prefer. If what you said is true, that I did not do anything, then there is NO reason why we can't stay friends". She said "of course we are friends, silly. All I meant was that you may want to move on for your own benefit because this depressive episode that began several months ago is showing no signs of ending anytime soon. I know you are tired of waiting on it to end, but the truth is, it may last for the remainder of my natural life". Now, honestly, I really do think that she is milking this depressive episode to an extent. While it is legit, it's really not as bad as she is making it out to be. I know that these things can last awhile in really severe cases. But the rest of one's life? I don't know about that.

 

While I do not like this depressive episode that has taken hold of her and I sincerely wish that the thing would just pass already (it's been MONTHS), I will remain her friend, because I do love her dearly and I know that she loves me too. She told me to not be surprised if the friendship never goes back to what it once was, and that the good times may be very few and very far between. I told her that it's going to take her going to the courthouse and filing a restraining order to get rid of me, and that made her laugh. Something I had not seen in a very long time. So, I think that if nothing else, I believe I can pull a few moments of sunshine from the clouds every once in awhile.

[Orokotikki]

I often have nothing to do with some friends for months or even a few years and then we pick right back up where we left off.

 

Don't press people to say what you may or may not have done wrong - it is very off-putting - just give them space if they are not receptive and see if they wanna hang a few weeks or months later.

 

Someone to know why I don't want to hang out with them would make me not want hang out with them even more, and make me question if they are trying to become strangely enmeshed in my life.

[basil67]

All I meant was that you may want to move on for your own benefit because this depressive episode that began several months ago is showing no signs of ending anytime soon. I know you are tired of waiting on it to end, but the truth is, it may last for the remainder of my natural life".

 

Reading between the lines here, I think she found you too needy. The fact that she *knew* you were waiting for it to end and for her to be back as her old self speaks volumes. It sounds like you either told her this outright or have been pestering her to do things which she wasn't able to do and she felt overwhelmed having to excuse herself too often.

 

This brings me to the question: How much contact do you want to have with your friends? Are you asking more than they can give?

[Popeye_Jones]

Reading between the lines here, I think she found you too needy. The fact that she *knew* you were waiting for it to end and for her to be back as her old self speaks volumes. It sounds like you either told her this outright or have been pestering her to do things which she wasn't able to do and she felt overwhelmed having to excuse herself too often.

 

This brings me to the question: How much contact do you want to have with your friends? Are you asking more than they can give?

 

You bring up some good points. I try to look at how much contact I may have had with someone in a specific period of time, and then back off if I have overdone it. In other words, I make it a point to give friends their space, because while it is not my intent to become clingy or needy, it can happen pretty quickly if I don't catch myself in time.

 

Interesting to note, there was a time when my friend was rather clingy. I didn't say anything because I figured that perhaps she just really needed me. It's just funny to me that it was okay for her to be clingy, but yet it's off putting to her if I come off that way. And I have not contacted her near as much as she used to contact me. Little bit of hypocrisy there, in my opinion.

 

The bottom line is, I just don't want to lose her. I value our friendship very much. It's made some people in her life very jealous and angry, which was NEVER my intent. All of that is a whole other can of worms. But I value it and would not trade one second of it for anything. I have come to terms with the fact that she may never be the person that she once was. But, at least we are still friends. She may very well text me tomorrow and say "hit the bricks" and I will have no choice but to comply. Until that day comes (I hope it never does) then, I am going to enjoy our friendship.

 

On another sort of side note, I am not sure about this "depressive episode" that she is in and apparently will be in from now on. What I mean by that is, can it really even be called an "episode" anymore? Episodes end. This thing has been going on for so long that there must be another term for it at this point. Also, while she does have depression, I find it odd that for the first 6-7 months we knew each other, NOTHING remotely close to a depressive episode happened. And if she did have any episodes during that time, they were very short lived and she hid them very well. Of course, I'm no doctor by any means, so I don't know all the ins and outs of depression. But I would think that someone with such severe depression (as she says that she has) would not have gone for so long without any sort of episode. That's just my .02 on that.

[stillafool]

But what you're describing are acquaintances, not friends. Friends are people who enter into a friendship with you because they are interested in YOU. And they pursue that interest with at least gestures of consistency (too busy to get together at certain periods but will pop you a text and say, "saw this funny article and thought of you--how are you?).

 

So either the OP begins what she thinks is a friendship, but the other person feels is an acquaintanceship...or, they both enter into what both would call a friendship, and OP is hurt when the other person obviously demotes it to more of an acquaintanceship (the "slow fade"), without offering an explanation, even when asked.

 

OP, which is it, do you think?

 

My friends and are alike. We can see each other every other month without talking in between. If one of us needs each other we are there in a flash. Otherwise, when we get together we have a ball and it seems no time has passed. We've known each other for over 25 years and we are compatible as friends. I don't have time for needy friends.

[Zapbasket]

You bring up some good points. I try to look at how much contact I may have had with someone in a specific period of time, and then back off if I have overdone it. In other words, I make it a point to give friends their space, because while it is not my intent to become clingy or needy, it can happen pretty quickly if I don't catch myself in time.

 

Interesting to note, there was a time when my friend was rather clingy. I didn't say anything because I figured that perhaps she just really needed me. It's just funny to me that it was okay for her to be clingy, but yet it's off putting to her if I come off that way. And I have not contacted her near as much as she used to contact me. Little bit of hypocrisy there, in my opinion.

 

The bottom line is, I just don't want to lose her. I value our friendship very much. It's made some people in her life very jealous and angry, which was NEVER my intent. All of that is a whole other can of worms. But I value it and would not trade one second of it for anything. I have come to terms with the fact that she may never be the person that she once was. But, at least we are still friends. She may very well text me tomorrow and say "hit the bricks" and I will have no choice but to comply. Until that day comes (I hope it never does) then, I am going to enjoy our friendship.

 

On another sort of side note, I am not sure about this "depressive episode" that she is in and apparently will be in from now on. What I mean by that is, can it really even be called an "episode" anymore? Episodes end. This thing has been going on for so long that there must be another term for it at this point. Also, while she does have depression, I find it odd that for the first 6-7 months we knew each other, NOTHING remotely close to a depressive episode happened. And if she did have any episodes during that time, they were very short lived and she hid them very well. Of course, I'm no doctor by any means, so I don't know all the ins and outs of depression. But I would think that someone with such severe depression (as she says that she has) would not have gone for so long without any sort of episode. That's just my .02 on that.

 

I'm sensing there's more complexity here than first meets the eye. I'm trying to suss out what you're saying here. Do you question the verity of her "depressive episode"? At first read it seems like you're suspicious that she's just using "depression" as an excuse to create some distance from you. Am I reading right?

 

I think the important thing to keep in mind with friends and potential friends is that you can't make them want more closeness than they want. It's a very delicate balance. For me, I'm like stillafool in that I don't need or want to see ANYONE often. But I do expect some substance when I do get together with friends. I expect to be able to share what's REALLY going on in my life, not just the superficial stuff, and I expect to be told what's going on in theirs and I expect us to talk about it. We can do that in the context of an activity; it's not like I want deep discussions exclusively. It's just when I see they're not possible, I'm not getting my needs met. And I'm aware that for people who prefer to live their lives more on a superficial plane, I might be overwhelming and thus labeled, "needy." Because it's true: I want something that's beyond the scope of what that person usually gives. I used to handle such imbalances by outwardly seeming 100% cool with their status quo. But then I realized I was terribly lonely in those relationships, because I wasn't being true to myself. So now I just leave my energies out of those relationships while cultivating comfort in my own solitude while I tune my radar for people who also seek depth in their relationships, and hold dearly to the friends I already have who are compatible with me in this way (they are few, but as I get older I feel okay with that).

 

I wonder whether that's what you're dealing with: that you need to take a realistic look at what you want out of your friendships and hold that alongside what your current friends, like the depressive-episode friend, seem to want from you. Sometimes it's not clear and you have to ask. With the depressive-episode friend, you've let her know you intend to be there for her, so now give her some room to either seek you out or keep to herself while she deals with her depression.

 

Regarding the depression: I've had a long bout of it due to some circumstantial things in my life, and it could at times be called an "episode." As in, it sets over you like a dark cloud, and no matter what you do the cloud persists and persists until you think, maybe it'll always be this way, and then with almost no warning it begins to lift. And like water re-entering a dry river bed, suddenly all the mute, seemingly dead facets of you begin once again to stir and next thing you know you are a rushing river, teeming with life. You can't control when it happens; it just seems to happen on its own. So you might cut your friend some slack; chances are she's 100% telling you the truth.

[SunnyWeather]

Of course, I'm no doctor by any means, so I don't know all the ins and outs of depression. But I would think that someone with such severe depression (as she says that she has) would not have gone for so long without any sort of episode. That's just my .02 on that.

 

It's entirely possible to have periods--even years-- of remission, or keep the condition at bay. For whatever reason, depression can come roaring back out of the blue and debilitate.

 

Frankly, in other posts when you talk about her depression, I got the sense of irritation and dismissal from you, sadly and frustratingly so for the patient, these reactions are not uncommon, and lead to further isolation. If you truly want to be her friend, educate yourself on the condition to know how to proceed. Isolation and not engaging with others is a key symptom, even going so far as to not respond to a simple text.

 

Hopefully, your friend is getting the help and support she needs.

Edited October 1, 2018 by SunnyWeather

[Popeye_Jones]

It's entirely possible to have periods--even years-- of remission, or keep the condition at bay. For whatever reason (maybe med related), depression can come roaring back out of the blue and debilitate.

 

Frankly, in other posts when you talk about her depression, I got the sense of irritation and dismissal from you, sadly and frustratingly so for the patient, these reactions are not uncommon, and lead to further isolation. If you truly want to be her friend, educate yourself on the condition to know how to proceed. Isolation and not engaging with others is a key symptom, even going so far as to not respond to a simple text.

 

Hopefully, your friend is getting the help and support she needs.

 

This helps quite a bit. You are correct, I have been dismissive of her depression, because, not knowing a whole lot about it, I was beginning to question the legitimacy of it after awhile, which was wrong. And that was because in my limited knowledge of it, my frustration kicked in after in reached the three month point. We are now at just over 5 months since it began. And a lot of that is selfishness on my part. I miss the person that she was during the first 6 months that we knew each other. But, this is what it is. Seeing things clearer now, I realize that, in all likelihood, she was just in a good period during that time. Who knows, prior to 5 months ago, it may have been years since her last episode. And this may very well last from now on. She even told me that this may not end until she does. Which, I hope meant that it would be with her until her life ended naturally, and not that she was hinting towards ending her life.

 

I am a for a better or for worse type of person. So, I will be her friend for as long as she will have me. I love her dearly. Others in her life hate me, and while she has told me not to worry, because they are just jealous of our friendship, I can't but wonder how deep they have gotten into her head. They are family, and she does tend to listen to them. I have even been threatened by one of them. As in an actual threat against my life. She was furious at the one who did it and told them that they better not ever do that again. So, I just avoid them at all costs. All of that is a horse of a different color.

 

But, I am seeing and understanding more about her depression. And I am seeing just how wrong I was.

[stillafool]

Why do people in her life hate you? That is a good reason as to why she isn't contacting you.

[Popeye_Jones]

Why do people in her life hate you? That is a good reason as to why she isn't contacting you.

 

Actually, she has taken up for me in that regard. When one of them threatened me and told me if I didn't cease any and all communication with her, that they would end my life, she told that particular relative that if they ever did such a thing again, then she would report them to the authorities. And she asks me periodically if her family has threatened me anymore. So, that's not it. I don't think anyway. As for why they don't like me, I have been told (by my friend) that it is jealousy of the absolute worst kind. I don't hate any of them, but they sure hate me. I suspect it is because it is because she has gotten closer to me in less than a year than she ever has (or ever will be) with them. But, at any rate, they are nasty.

[Malin889]

I am just at a total loss. I have gotten to a point where I am honestly afraid to get close to anyone anymore because they don't stick around for more than a year. And most of the time, it's not even that long. Friendships (with me, anyway) seem to have a lifespan of about 10 months. And they always tell me that it's "nothing that I did". Well, okay, then why are you ending it if I didn't do anything? I know that nothing is forever, but, jeez, does it have to be over so quickly? Do friendships really run their course faster these days? I don't get it. And the real kicker is, it's not like these people are moving on to anything wonderful or exciting after they end our friendship. Surely I can't be THAT terrible. In this day and age, is it to be expected that people are not going to stick around long, for whatever reason? I'm just baffled. And completely alone now...

 

Where are you meeting these friends?

[basil67]

Actually, she has taken up for me in that regard. When one of them threatened me and told me if I didn't cease any and all communication with her, that they would end my life

 

Popeye, that's just inexplicable behaviour on their end. Do they hate any of her other friends? If not, why do you think they hate you?

[No_Go]

Friendships do NOT expire/break/terminate. 9/10 times is as simple as the other one getting busy with something else or switching interests.

 

You can resume any time, most of the times. Question is why do you want to do so? Friendships should’ve fluid IMO.

 

 

I am just at a total loss. I have gotten to a point where I am honestly afraid to get close to anyone anymore because they don't stick around for more than a year. And most of the time, it's not even that long. Friendships (with me, anyway) seem to have a lifespan of about 10 months. And they always tell me that it's "nothing that I did". Well, okay, then why are you ending it if I didn't do anything? I know that nothing is forever, but, jeez, does it have to be over so quickly? Do friendships really run their course faster these days? I don't get it. And the real kicker is, it's not like these people are moving on to anything wonderful or exciting after they end our friendship. Surely I can't be THAT terrible. In this day and age, is it to be expected that people are not going to stick around long, for whatever reason? I'm just baffled. And completely alone now...

[Popeye_Jones]

Popeye, that's just inexplicable behaviour on their end. Do they hate any of her other friends? If not, why do you think they hate you?

 

At first, I thought it was just me that they were singling out. But, I recently found out that they have hated other friends of her's in the past. My friend tells me that it is jealousy. I've seen jealousy up close before, and it's nasty, but this is jealousy on a whole other level. It all started with one relative who thought that I had "stolen" my friend away from her family. That wasn't the case by any means. This relative went straight to other family members and painted a horrific picture of me to them. Naturally, they never stopped and thought that this was being blown all out of proportion. Instead, they just believed every last hate filled word that came spewing out of this person's mouth. Then they all formed a little mob against me, even going so far as to give my friend an ultimatum. She either had to cease any and all communication with me forever, or they would never speak to her again.

 

She told them where to get off and that I was her friend and that was simply the way it was going to be. They stomped their feet and sounded like a bunch of bees buzzing around angry after having had their nest poked. They hated it, but soon realized that there was not a thing they could do about it. They quieted down after awhile. Then, not long ago, I had my life threatened by one of them. They actually said in so many words "I'll blow your f'n head clean off!". My friend was beyond furious and informed them that what they did was a felony and that if they ever did such a thing again, she would see to it that they were arrested. She must just have some very uncivilized family members is about all I can say. Not all of them are like that though. Her sisters are very nice to me. Granted, I have not had a lot of interaction with them, but they have been very nice, nonetheless. They were completely and totally appalled at how the others have acted.

[Malin889]

My friends and are alike. We can see each other every other month without talking in between. If one of us needs each other we are there in a flash. Otherwise, when we get together we have a ball and it seems no time has passed. We've known each other for over 25 years and we are compatible as friends. I don't have time for needy friends.

 

I too don't have time to see my friends all the time,with work, my daughter, etc, and when we get together it's like a time hasn't passed. I got together with a friend two years ago who I hadn't seen in ten years, just cause we live far away, and we got together for a weekend as if time didn't pass. It was great and I can't wait to see her again.

[BettyDraper]

When I had difficulty maintaining friendships, it was because I was too needy and negative.

Sometimes the reason was I chose users who ended friendships once I could no longer do anything for them. I learned to stay away from people like that. Other times I ended friendships when I felt that the person was toxic in some way. I also became adept at reading between the lines and silently stepping away when I sensed that a friend was distancing herself for whatever reason.

 

Now I am far more selective about whom I have in my circle and I stay positive. I understand that people are busy so I refrain from confronting friends who don’t reach out. Either they will resurface or they won’t.

 

Based on what you have shared, I get the impression that you are too intense for your friends so they back away. It could be time for you to think about why you expect so much in friendships.