Mr. Lucky Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 There are very few people in your life who make an impact the way this girl did on me for 4 years. My wife is the only other person to do that and I am sure many of you have found another person who makes you feel special. I wonder why you feel a need for - or feel you're entitled to - both women at the same time? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 (edited) There are very few people in your life who make an impact the way this man did on me for 4 years. Sure, I have this with my husband, BUT this man made me feel special. My marriage is fine, I’m not letting this get in the way of it. It’s just hard when something you’ve had for 4 years is gone. If it wasn’t for my husband, IT WOULD BE THIS MAN and he knew that. Cody, you need to let this go and move on with your life. If your wife knew that you had been engaged in an emotional affair with another woman for four years and that you were pining after her when she ended the relationship, do you think she would agree that your marriage “was fine?” If you knew your wife was engaged in an emotional affair with another man for four years, and was spending her time and emotional energy thinking about the other man - having SEX with this other man - when she could be loving you, would you say your marriage “was fine?” In fact, reread what you have written - I have taken the liberty of making a few changes such that you would be reading your wife’s words, had she written them. How would you feel if your wife had come onto this forum and shared these feelings? If you love your wife, stop obsessing about this other woman and reinvest in your marriage. If you can’t do that, you need to let your wife go so that she has the opportunity to find someone who can... Edited October 2, 2018 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CodyM397 Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 I know I need to let it go. Just can’t get it out of my head what I could have done is all. I didn’t come here for people to tell me about my marriage. I know how to handle that just fine. Thanks for everyone who had something to say Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 It's what usually happens when you loan someone money. They feel awkward and obligated and avoid you. She may have used you, I don't know. But either way, she now feels she owes you something, and that isn't a good feeling. I had a best friend in the late eighties, and I won a guitar, and she wanted to buy it because she plays. So I said sure and only charged her like $165 or something for this signed band guitar. She paid me 60 and then started avoiding me and never acted comfortable around me again. No idea why. It's not like I was asking her about the money. She had money and a good job. I just don't know, but don't lend people money, friends or extended family. It so often ends in losing your relationship with them. It's a weird phenomenon. It's about them feeling small or obligated or both. They should just pay you back and then go back to normal, but people who have money problems so rarely pay you back. That's funny you say that. I have a friend I loaned money too in June, and she's paid me back a small bit, but still owes me a lot, and I noticed she hasn't called me as much. I wasn't sure if the money was the reason, but maybe it is. Interesting... Although, I don't think this is the reason the woman blocked him in this situation. I think maybe she's just in love with someone she can't have so she blocked him? Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I wonder why you feel a need for - or feel you're entitled to - both women at the same time? Mr. Lucky Agree with Mr. Lucky... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CodyM397 Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 Mr Lucky.. No I don’t feel like I am entitled to both women at the same time. I said from the start this was a friend of mine. It went a bit further but I don’t see the problem with trying to be friends with this girl. Like I said that’s all I wanted. I don’t need to sleep with her. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 She had sex with you and now regrets it. It's difficult to go back to being just friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I'll ask again, is your wife aware of this so called friendship? If you take this weekend out of the equation was everything else carried out in full view of your wife? Did you tell her when there was contact. Could she read all your messages or were they deleted? The reason I'm asking is because you need to realise that if this 'friendship'was carried out in secrecy then it wasn't a friendship it was an EA, an affair without the sex. Going forward, NO there cannot be a friendship, you really don't seem to understand you betrayed your wife. My God, this only after 2 years, when you're supposed to be in your honeymoon period... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 Mr Lucky.. No I don’t feel like I am entitled to both women at the same time. I said from the start this was a friend of mine. It went a bit further but I don’t see the problem with trying to be friends with this girl. Like I said that’s all I wanted. I don’t need to sleep with her. Come on Cody, at least be honest with yourself - and us, this is an anonymous forum, nothing to lose. You have romantic feelings for this girl. You've had inappropriate conversations with her. You've secretly met up with her. You've given her money. You've had sex with her. I bet you're buddies with "Joe", your neighbor across the street. Had any of these interactions with him? Because he's a friend, which makes this girl your affair partner, lover and OW, the person you're cheating on your wife with. It is what it is... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 Mr Lucky.. No I don’t feel like I am entitled to both women at the same time. I said from the start this was a friend of mine. It went a bit further but I don’t see the problem with trying to be friends with this girl. Like I said that’s all I wanted. I don’t need to sleep with her. And that right there sums up your problem. You admit that sleeping with her was wrong but refuse to admit that continuing an emotional affair is wrong. You keep saying that your relationship with your wife is fine. That is Bull. All this time you are obsessing over her, is time that your wife is not getting your attention. You "officially" know squat about this woman's morals and character. In fact the one thing you know for sure is that she took money from, and slept with, a married guy. I don't think you're a piece of garbage, but I think you are in denial over what you've been doing, what you did, and what you want to continue to do. I have to ask: Why didn't your wife go to this wedding with you? Did you have any part in convincing her to stay home? I haven't been to many wedding where only one spouse attended. That seems odd. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 (edited) Mr Lucky.. No I don’t feel like I am entitled to both women at the same time. I said from the start this was a friend of mine. It went a bit further but I don’t see the problem with trying to be friends with this girl. Like I said that’s all I wanted. I don’t need to sleep with her. You clearly do feel very entitled to have both women. It's absolutely ridiculous that you insist on calling your affair partner a "friend." You are not fooling anyone but yourself. Certainly not your wife, if she knew what you have been doing. You can not be "friends" with a woman for whom you have romantic feelings and with whom you have had sex. Despite what you may think, it's just not possible. Edited October 6, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 You say you spent 2 nights with her but the second night she didn't have sex with you. Only wanted to cuddle. That's a sign right there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CodyM397 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 You say you spent 2 nights with her but the second night she didn't have sex with you. Only wanted to cuddle. That's a sign right there. A sign that means what? She still kissed me and what not. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 I've got nothing... OP, you win. No matter what advice your given, questions you're asked, THIS IS STILL ALL YOU'RE FIXATED ON! My only hope is you poor wife finds out what's she's married to as soon as possible and you okicksut so she can find someone who truly loves her. I'm out.:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 A sign that means what? She still kissed me and what not. She could very well be in love with you. As a married man, how does that fact bring any more clarity to your situation? Just more people to get hurt, if that matters to you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 She could very well be in love with you. As a married man, how does that fact bring any more clarity to your situation? Just more people to get hurt, if that matters to you... Mr. Lucky Just for fun, I asked some friends about this. I ran down the scenario and asked what they thought. I asked if they thought the woman in this situation was in love with the guy. After they stopped laughing, they all said "no". This is nothing new. It's the scenario those daytime court tv shows are based on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CodyM397 Posted October 7, 2018 Author Share Posted October 7, 2018 I've got nothing... OP, you win. No matter what advice your given, questions you're asked, THIS IS STILL ALL YOU'RE FIXATED ON! My only hope is you poor wife finds out what's she's married to as soon as possible and you okicksut so she can find someone who truly loves her. I'm out.:mad: I didn’t come here for advice on my marriage. I said don’t bring it up. I’m glad you are out. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 I suspect her fantasy met reality. Now you're out. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 I didn’t come here for advice on my marriage. I said don’t bring it up. Indeed. Let's turn our attention back to why this woman didn't want to be complicit in helping you to betray your wife, the woman you have vowed to love and keep, forsaking all others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Would you be okay if your wife had a male friend and had feelings for him, felt an attraction to him? Spent time with him, had sex with him and lied to you about it? Give that some thought and ask yourself how your wife would feel if she knew how close you allowed yourself to get to another woman. Sorry to bring your wife up, I know you don't want to talk about her since this thread is about your friend.. I say let the friend go, don't chase, call or text. Focus on healing and reconnecting with the woman you married. If you can't, then you're opening a world of pain for yourself. Is this friendship so important to hang on to that it might ruin the life you have now? Link to post Share on other sites
Haru-no-yuki Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I didn’t come here for advice on my marriage. I said don’t bring it up. I’m glad you are out. I think the reason you're still obsessing is because she ghosted you. I was also ghosted and I knew the reason. That still doesn't make it easier. I also obsessed over the OW for a while, not because I wanted to be back with her but because I never got the chance to talk properly to her. Ghosting sucks - even when the ghoster has a perfectly valid reason Based on my experience, what helped me stop thinking about the OW was putting all my efforts and thoughts into my wife. Coming on this forum also helped even if I don't agree with many of the posters Link to post Share on other sites
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