vinceQ1 Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 I’m already at the age where I’m mature enough and can be held accountable for any concern I have in life. I have reliable work, which takes me to a foreign country of my choosing and enough salary that can support my needs 24/7. Everything is almost fine, but I have a problem with my parents. They keep on deciding for me. They decide on what I should do with my life, including living abroad with them. They’re already settled in a foreign country and want the whole family to live with them. You see, my life is here and I just can’t resign from the company that has trusted me for many years. How do I tell my parents to stop this act? This is not getting any better and I’m getting really frustrated! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Just tell them that they raised you well and its time for you to leave the nest. Point out how you've grown and how your life is going (in a positive direction) thank them for their concern. Tell them you are ready to make your own decisions, whether they are right or wrong. We all learn by our mistakes, so its OK to make them and learn from them. If you are happy living where you are, tell them "Thank you for the offer, but I'm staying here... See you at Christmas" It is normal to want to be independent!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 How do I tell my parents to stop deciding for me? Your post would be better titled "Why do I let my parents decide my life for me?". This is on you, not on them. If you're indeed a fully grown, self-supporting adult, then you're fully capable of exercising your own independence and making your own decisions. The only one stopping you is you... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 My mother used to tell me what to do. I stood up to her, she didn't like it much, she sulked for a while, but I held firm and she came around. I think you need to do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vinceQ1 Posted September 26, 2018 Author Share Posted September 26, 2018 Your post would be better titled "Why do I let my parents decide my life for me?". This is on you, not on them. If you're indeed a fully grown, self-supporting adult, then you're fully capable of exercising your own independence and making your own decisions. The only one stopping you is you... Mr. Lucky Have you ever been threatened to get disowned? Coz I did and even if I want to decide for myself, I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Hi vince, why did they move away? Why do they want everyone to move there? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Have you ever been threatened to get disowned? Coz I did and even if I want to decide for myself, I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. My mother has stopped talking to me for up to a month at a time over things I did or didn't do that she didn't agree with, she always came around eventually....the last time she even admitted I was right! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Have you ever been threatened to get disowned? Coz I did and even if I want to decide for myself, I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. I had not talked to my mother in almost 10 years. Only recently were we forced to talk, as my father was in the hospital. The 10 years of no communication did not affect my life in the very least. Prior to our 10 year silence, I hadn't talked to her that much either. Just exchanged pleasantries, etc. The umbilical cord has been cut a long time ago, you'll survive just fine without your mommy. Oh... and they will not disown you, they may threaten to, but they won't do it. Like poster "mrs rubble" wrote... your mom will come around. Live your life your way... you only get one life. Enjoy it to the fullest!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. You mean the one where they tell you how to run your life? vinceQ1, you have a decision to make and, as an adult, we understand those decisions have consequences. You can either toe the line and spend the rest of your life posting unhappy threads on sites like this, or you can choose to be your own man. I think the other posters are spot on in stating the alienation will be less than you currently imagine it to be... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 You have 2 choices. Continue to follow their instructions to the letter, or live your own life. Yes you risk them cutting you off but that's the price of freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 At some point you have to cut the apron strings. If they tell you that they will disown you, you tell them you are sorry they are so inflexible & you will miss them. You let them move. You keep in touch with other family members & you send them holiday & birthday cards. Eventually they should come around. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 You just have to tell them NO. Tell them you are not moving, that you are happy and successful where you are. Tell them "I'm not a little boy anymore. While I appreciate your input, I make my own decisions now because I'm a grown man. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Have you ever been threatened to get disowned? Coz I did and even if I want to decide for myself, I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. If they are that controlling, then you'd be well rid of them. However, I would point out to them that they must have made their own choices at some point, and you are also at that point. I don't see what they hope to achieve by telling you what to do. Unless there is a very good, very valid reason to heed them (NOT for money or inheritance, IMO), do what you think is right for you, and let the chips fall as they may. If they "disown" you, do not have anything further to do with them, do not call, do not write, and certainly do not visit. Do not let them know anything more about your life. They would need to let go of this unhealthy obsession, and contact you, before you should consider responding. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Have you ever been threatened to get disowned? Coz I did and even if I want to decide for myself, I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. That’s not a connection, that’s a prison. You need to put a stop to it and if they make that choice, then let them. It’s doubtful that they’ll maintain it. What is up with people who do this to their kids??!! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 I've been nomadic all of my life. I was out on my own at 18. Not long after that I made my first major move. My father was concerned & scared for me, but he didn't tell me that. A few years later, he told me he thought it was healthy for an adult child to move at least 500 miles away from their parents; that it taught them to make good decisions and have their own safety net. I'm hopeful that your parents will change their tune and feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 Have you ever been threatened to get disowned? Coz I did and even if I want to decide for myself, I still dont want to mess up the connection we have. She might not go through with the threat. If your mom is threatening I disown you over where you live, that is a toxic relationship. That is extreme to disown a child over that. Link to post Share on other sites
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