Should my fiance's sister be forgiven?

[MindyJJ]

She requested me a couple times on fb and I just added her yesterday but it doesn't mean I've completely forgiven her. Is it ok to take my time?

 

Within these 4 years we've been together (engaged since April), his sister has meddled in our relationship, has been disrespectful towards me countless times and made my life difficult.

 

She apologized once in 2016, only to find out it was fake and my then boyfriend pretty much told her to. She would be fake nice and gossip terrible stuff about me the day after we supposedly ''made peace'' and nearly made me believe he cheated. This basically led to another WW2 basically lol, where I called her practically every awful name in the book. I excluded her from my social gatherings and family reunions.

 

Fast-foward to mid March 2018:

Apparently life hasn't been going well for her and in addition, she got into a terrible accident when a drunk driver hit her vehicle, causing it to roll over multiple times.

She's been expressing remorse ever since, wants to start all over and really means it this time. My fiance himself told me he had nothing to do with it on this one and didn't tell her anything. When we got engaged, she was wishing us good luck and again was asking for forgiveness.

I told her it will take some time. I don't wish bad things to happen to not even my worse enemy but how do I know it's for real this time? I believed it last time and got hurt. I'm not falling for it again.

[Rockdad]

It seems some people make a lifestyle of being back stabbing busy-bodies.

 

Unless your sister modifies her behavior as a whole instead of just in the moment regret expect more of the same.

[Mardelis]

There's 2 types of people as I see it. My girlfriend is one type- she has a lot of friends and acquaintances and even though some of them have "wronged her", she's always quick to forgive and forget. I, on the other hand tend to cut people out of my life without a second thought if they do things that greatly offend me- and my dealbreakers may be at a much lower bar than others.

 

 

 

So in your case I'd say you have no reason to forgive or forget the meddling she's done in your lives, who the heck needs the negativity?

 

 

My girlfriend would say "It's all about family" and "people make mistakes" and staying angry at people isn't healthy for you and all of that.

[BaileyB]

I don’t see any point in holding a grudge. It’s rather immature.

 

If she is sincerely apologizing and asking for forgiveness, you may want to be kind and do exactly that. You don’t have to trust her. But you can be kind.

 

Holding on to past hurts seems like a waste of time and it reflects more on who you are as a person, not the other person.

[d0nnivain]

Make peace but don't necessarily trust her again. Remember that she can be two-faced & that she likes to cause trouble. Do not confide in her & independently verify anything she says.

[MindyJJ]

I don’t see any point in holding a grudge. It’s rather immature.

 

If she is sincerely apologizing and asking for forgiveness, you may want to be kind and do exactly that. You don’t have to trust her. But you can be kind.

 

Holding on to past hurts seems like a waste of time and it reflects more on who you are as a person, not the other person.

Generally holding grudges isn't my stance. I guess I can eventually forgive if I see it's sincere this time.

 

That would make it the 3rd and last chance I would be giving her.

[basil67]

I would say that perhaps this is about you learning to trust her. If she has truly changed and causes no drama, you may start to feel that you can let down your walls gradually.

[PegNosePete]

Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to be best buddies. Or even facebook friends.

 

I don't hold any grudges against anyone, but there are certain people who I would simply avoid, and certainly wouldn't accept a FB friends request.

[Whodatdog]

I would accept her apology, but I wouldnt change how you interact with her. She has shown you her true colors in the past. If she werent your fiance's sister, you wouldnt give her a thought. You are marrying him, not her. She doesnt have to be your friend.

 

And not that Im big on social media, but I certainly wouldnt have added her back to Facebook. Just gives her ammo that she doesnt need to have.

[MindyJJ]

Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to be best buddies. Or even facebook friends.

 

I don't hold any grudges against anyone, but there are certain people who I would simply avoid, and certainly wouldn't accept a FB friends request.

Certainly not. I'm going to see how it goes and go on from there.

 

I got a ''Thank you for the add (along with a smiley face)'' and an ''I wish you guys the best. I really do.'' as a reply.

[Sarah_Smiles]

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and cautiously move forward with her for the sake of your partner if nothing else. It is okay not to trust her intentions after the past you both had but when people have a traumatic event they sometimes wake up and see the errors of their ways and maybe this is what caused her change of heart.

[d0nnivain]

The Art of War advises keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Do keep an eye on her & don't fully trust her but do be civil. That is all you can do.

[2.50 a gallon]

Having once been in your shoes, I've looked within for some good advice to forward to you with no luck.

I was about 27 when I met my former fiancé. Love bloomed and over a year later we announced our engagement. Both families were more than delighted, except for her older sister. My fiancé was Hispanic and older sister was determined to not let her younger sister marry a gringo.

Older sister would do anything to break us up, lie, cheat, steal. I would get hit from out of left field with something I had no knowledge of.

Example one time, out of the blue, she broke off our engagement. Come to find out the sister had again lied about things, and had talked my fiancé into going into counseling. It was there I was declared the evil one.

I figured out who the counselor was and made an appointment as having problem with XYZ. Then began talking about how my relationship was being undermined by her sister and some of the things that had been done. The woman was totally convinced how deep my love was for the fiancé and towards the end of the session I revealed who the sister was.

The end result was the counselor had a talk with my fiancé and with some questioning finally told her how evil the sister was and how much she hated Gringos.

I forgave her sister for that, but a couple of months later her sister had a new tale. Followed by another then another.

Ex-fiancé kept pushing for us to set a date which I refused to do until she she got things resolved with her sister. Why take that chance and marry and have kids?

After about 3 years she broke it off with me and moved out of town. About a year later we crossed paths again, and she wanted to try again. But I had a year of healing and had no desire to get back into that scene.

A half a century later am still a little bit in love with her.

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