How do I tell wife had 30 Prostitutes in past

[BaileyB]

I'm surprised that you are still getting sex every night with this attitude.

 

Your moral compass is SO FAR off, I don't even want to spend the time replying... You think there is no problem, she disagrees. Continue on this path - disrespecting your wife's feelings and dismissing her concerns - and you may find yourself paying prostitutes again... as a recently divorced man looking for sex.

[bene]

While honesty is important I strongly believe that people should not go into details of their sexual past. There is no need for mental images arising from knowing these details. These images can bother people in some unconscious level even if everything is “kosher” and the things happened before their time. I’ve read guys complaining that their wife/girlfriend doesn’t want to do things they did in past relationships. It’s pretty much the same thing.

 

It’s a given that adults have some sexual past but exact numbers, acts etc is too much information. That said, if you wanted to be honest with her then the right time was before you got married so that she could have made an informed decision whether it’s ok for her.

 

Regarding strip clubs it doesn’t matter what is considered normal in this environment. What matters is what your wife considers normal. In some circles it’s normal to switch partners or whatnot, it doesn’t mean that your wife should find it acceptable for her.

[LoveFiend]

While honesty is important I strongly believe that people should not go into details of their sexual past. There is no need for mental images arising from knowing these details. These images can bother people in some unconscious level even if everything is “kosher” and the things happened before their time. I’ve read guys complaining that their wife/girlfriend doesn’t want to do things they did in past relationships. It’s pretty much the same thing.

 

It’s a given that adults have some sexual past but exact numbers, acts etc is too much information. That said, if you wanted to be honest with her then the right time was before you got married so that she could have made an informed decision whether it’s ok for her.

 

Regarding strip clubs it doesn’t matter what is considered normal in this environment. What matters is what your wife considers normal. In some circles it’s normal to switch partners or whatnot, it doesn’t mean that your wife should find it acceptable for her.

 

Well it would be easier not going to the clubs or be tempted by the thought of hookers if my wife allowed me to watch porn, even porn she has serious problems with. Watching more porn would alleviate some of the fantasies and take away some of the desire to go to strip clubs or having desires for another prostitute.

 

She threw out a great big box of porno DVD's I had, called it filth and trash. She was crying her lungs out and said she didn't understand how I can go to church every Sunday with her and act like a Christian reading the bible and then turn around watch porn and go to strip clubs. She said she had talked to our minister about it and he though you had a serious problem. I don't know if she is lying about calling up the minister or not just to piss me off, but he does act very nervous around me during church service and when my wife and I do bible study together at the church.

 

Anyway I told her the minister probably watches porn in his own spare time every guy does and has to have it. It's like a drug, we need that fix or we go crazy in the head. I told her I got addicted to porn when I was like 11 years old and our local video store manager would sell adult DVD's to me for a premium as a kid under the counter when no one was looking.

 

She doesn't even understand about porn. She says it makes her feel not good enough and that if I get sex every night why do I need porn or to look at another women's naked body. She caught me several times masturbating to porn during the marriage and she got blood red in the face, was screaming her head off, took the DVD out of the DVD player smashed it and proceeded to try to destroy my DVD player. She gets so irrational screams FILTH!, your a FILTHY man, I don't trust you, you hide things, your secretive, you hide porn from me, most sneaky man every been with, etc. Really she exaggerates the whole porn issue.

[d0nnivain]

She doesn't even understand about porn. She says it makes her feel not good enough and that if I get sex every night why do I need porn or to look at another women's naked body.

 

 

Why oh why didn't you two talk about this before marriage? You have fundamentally incompatible views on the subject.

 

 

This is what I don't understand about you. You claim to love your wife. She is telling you that certain behaviors of yours hurt her feelings & undermine your marriage. She tells you that every time you go to a club or look at porn, it's like you take a knife to her heart. I'm assuming that you would never in a million years actually stab your wife with a real knife or in any other way physically hurt her so why do you persist in emotionally torturing her?

 

 

It's a simple choice: her or porn & strip clubs. But you have to make the choice because you can't have both. If you prefer your hand & the strangers to your loving happy home with companionship, hot meals, a clean house, someone to tend to you when you're ill, keep telling your wife why she has to accept behavior that makes her skin crawl.

 

If your doctor told you to give up your favorite foods or risk killing yourself with a heart attack, you'd take that advice. I'm telling you to give up porn & strip clubs because it's killing your marriage.

[BaileyB]

Well it would be easier not going to the clubs or be tempted by the thought of hookers if my wife allowed me to watch porn, even porn she has serious problems with. Watching more porn would alleviate some of the fantasies and take away some of the desire to go to strip clubs or having desires for another prostitute.

 

Really she exaggerates the whole porn issue.

 

Ah, so this is your wife's fault...

 

Donnivain is right. You are fundamentally incompatable and I find it difficult to believe that you didn't know this and take this into consideration BEFORE you married.

 

It doesn't matter what "most" people would find acceptable. What matters to you, is how your wife feels about these things. And, your wife does not find this kind of behavior acceptable. She is not right, or wrong... It is just how she feels and what she wants for her life.

 

If watching porn and going to strip clubs to have that "fantasy" is THAT important for you to have a happy life, you should not have married your wife.

 

What I don't understand - you have a warm and loving woman in your bed, and you are throwing it away because you would prefer to live in a "fantasy" world where strangers shake their breasts in your face and porn stars play out your wildest fantasies. You would chose your hand, over your wife.

 

You have a decision to make - reality, or fantasy.

[bathtub-row]

I smell a divorce.

[pepperbird]

 

It's like a drug, we need that fix or we go crazy in the head. I told her I got addicted to porn when I was like 11 years old and our local video store manager would sell adult DVD's to me for a premium as a kid under the counter when no one was looking.

 

 

Sir, you have a problem. Porn isn't necessarily bad, but when watching porn becomes more important than the actual real relationships in your life, it's a problem.

[BaileyB]

Sir, you have a problem. Porn isn't necessarily bad, but when watching porn becomes more important than the actual real relationships in your life, it's a problem.

 

Most definitely. The writing is on the wall for this marriage...

 

You will soon be able to watch all the porn you want...

[HiCrunchy]

Would u be okay with ur wife getting a lap dance from a hot ripped male stripper, rubbing his junk on her face (no sex) or would that be crossing a boundary in your marriage? What if she admitted that she liked watching the naked male dancers more than the clothed ones? What if she liked to do these things on a regular basis?

 

Try putting urself in ur wife's shoes

Edited September 28, 2018 by HiCrunchy

[preraph]

Okay. I'm reversing my position. All you care about is porn and strippers. How would you feel if that's all your wife cared about and did all those things in private on a regular basis? You want her to be throbbing over some six-foot-tall dude with a huge dick? How would that make you feel? To know that is what she really finds attractive and not you? How would it make you feel if she went and hired a male escort? How about 30 of them. Maybe all some of them did is dry hump her in the back of the strip club, letting her ride them. How would that make you feel? Don't you think that's disloyal?

 

You need to straighten up and fly right, boy. Grow up. You're married. It's not all about you anymore. Stop hurting the one you supposedly love, and if you don't love her and just married her for sex, but her loose and let her find love.

[BettyDraper]

Okay. I'm reversing my position. All you care about is porn and strippers. How would you feel if that's all your wife cared about and did all those things in private on a regular basis? You want her to be throbbing over some six-foot-tall dude with a huge dick? How would that make you feel? To know that is what she really finds attractive and not you? How would it make you feel if she went and hired a male escort? How about 30 of them. Maybe all some of them did is dry hump her in the back of the strip club, letting her ride them. How would that make you feel? Don't you think that's disloyal?

 

You need to straighten up and fly right, boy. Grow up. You're married. It's not all about you anymore. Stop hurting the one you supposedly love, and if you don't love her and just married her for sex, but her loose and let her find love.

 

The bolded is great advice but I don't think that the OP will follow it.

He wants to live the life of a single man with a wife at home.

 

For the record, I wouldn't care if my husband went to strip clubs once in a while nor would would I be offended if he watched porn.

Porn addiction and constantly visiting strip clubs would be problematic though.

[BaileyB]

He wants to live the life of a single man with a wife at home.

 

This is it. Exactly.

[pepperbird]

op,

when it comes right down to it, you are going to ave to decide what is more important to you. The porn/ strippers or being married.

 

 

Some people just aren't cut out to be married, and that's okay. You might be one of them. If you really do some soul searching, you'll figure out what's right for you. be honest with your wife abut that.

[LoveFiend]

op,

when it comes right down to it, you are going to ave to decide what is more important to you. The porn/ strippers or being married.

 

 

Some people just aren't cut out to be married, and that's okay. You might be one of them. If you really do some soul searching, you'll figure out what's right for you. be honest with your wife abut that.

 

The thing is I really do enjoy being married and prefer marriage over the clubs. Its just she gets so mad about everything. Like that I have a lot of women on Facebook that are friends of mine... some are strippers and call girls I found on back page and after we stopped our business transactions and months of out contact we just kept in touch as friends via text messages, phone calls, and Facebook friend chit chat. Now they are just friends that all.

 

She will get so jealous of any woman calling or texting me. Sometimes she had the right to be jealous... although I lied who it was who was calling.. um a few times strippers were calling me to see if I was still interested in doing hotel rooms with them, although it was tempting I was loyal to my wife and made a commitment to no more sex with strippers in hotel rooms. Instead I did the more noble thing and just met them in the club to get lap dances.

 

But even females who are just friends and thats it no sexual contact she gets jealous of them calling or talking to me or female friends who I know who were just friends. A few girls from high school who I dated are Facebook friends of mine and she gets so jealous she says your Facebook friends with women you dated in your past!

 

So I need to do some changing but so does she.

[preraph]

No, it's you. You are so far out of bounds. She's acting like a proper wife. She does not need to put up with you being "friends" with strippers and prostitutes who are only talking to you for money. She doesn't need to put up with someone with a big porn habit either. If you're going to do it, do it when she's not around and keep it to yourself and DON'T try to get her to do tricks only paid prostitutes would ever do!! You're really pushing it. I don't know why you got married.

[bathtub-row]

I have to wonder if this post is a joke.

[LoveFiend]

I have to wonder if this post is a joke.

 

I actually wish it were a joke... Unfortunately the really sad part is it is all true. Some good advice on here I know I need to change I got an addiction problem.

 

I probably should see a good psychologist who specializes in curing sex addicts, but as stupid as it sounds I look at what it costs to hire them and how much more fun I would have spending that money in a club. So yeah it's a red flag need help and to stop. I guess should just torture myself and see a good shrink anyway, fork away the money.

 

I am out of control and do the dumbest things because I am so addicted to it, even I admit my behavior is insane.

[Crazelnut]

Yep, it's all you. Seriously. Her reactions are normal and justified. YOU have a problem, and you need to either deal with it or let that poor woman go.

[bathtub-row]

Why did you even get married knowing you were like this? Did you hide it from your wife until the two of you married?

[BaileyB]

Its just she gets so mad about everything. Like that I have a lot of women on Facebook that are friends of mine... some are strippers and call girls - we just kept in touch as friends via text messages, phone calls, and Facebook friend chit chat.

 

So I need to do some changing but so does she.

 

Are you for real?

 

The only changing she needs to do is to end her marriage, if you don't end the contact with stripper and call girls.

[preraph]

You don't have to go to a sex addiction specialist. in fact a lot of psychologists don't even believe in sex addiction but it doesn't really matter because there's underlying reasons for everything, and as long as you find a psychologist you like and trust they can work it out.

[LoveFiend]

Why did you even get married knowing you were like this? Did you hide it from your wife until the two of you married?

 

Yeah I hid all of it till married. I wanted a wife so bad. Hid all my secrets just to get her to say yes to marriage and I figured in long run maybe I could fix myself. My wife even tells me if she knew any of this before the marriage we would of never married. I knew full well 30 Prostitutes was a deal breaker for any women so I kept it a secret till we were married. My wife is very religious doesn't believe in divorce thinks she will burn in hell for divorce. So I use this information as leverage and a guilt trip to keep her always my wife no matter what. I love my wife I know it will take years to get over this sex addiction. But I want be married to my wife for life no matter what or how hard the relationship is I can't stand the thought of divorce. I don't believe in it.

Edited September 29, 2018 by LoveFiend

[bene]

 

She gets so irrational screams FILTH!, your a FILTHY man, I don't trust you, you hide things, your secretive, you hide porn from me, most sneaky man every been with, etc. Really she exaggerates the whole porn issue.

 

She is not irrational saying that you’re secretive and hide things because that’s the truth by your own words. It’s one thing to look at porn and keep it a fantasy but hiring prostitutes and going to strip clubs are real actions.

 

You have lured her into a situation she would never have accepted knowing these things beforehand. People can have all kinds of arrangements but apparently this isn’t what she signed up for. It’s very telling that you don’t see her point of view at all. You seem to take her as “a wife” not an actual human being with her own needs and opinions. This by the way might be the side effect of hiring prostitutes and strippers who professionally act as if they only exist for your pleasure.

 

You really need to put on your adult pants and decide what the marriage means to you and what it takes to be married to that particular woman.

Edited September 29, 2018 by bene
Added a thought not to multiply answers

[LoveFiend]

Would u be okay with ur wife getting a lap dance from a hot ripped male stripper, rubbing his junk on her face (no sex) or would that be crossing a boundary in your marriage? What if she admitted that she liked watching the naked male dancers more than the clothed ones? What if she liked to do these things on a regular basis?

 

Try putting urself in ur wife's shoes

 

I actually would not mind her going to male strip clubs once in a while or getting lap dances from guys it really wouldn't bother me as long as she wasn't having sex with them or getting sexual favors thats fine. As far as a guy putting their junk in her face to view thats fine as long as no sex was happening.

 

It wouldn't bother me if she was watching fully nude guys as long as no sex was happening. It would not bother me if she went like once in a while. I have cut back now to once a month and once every couple months. Her going only once a month or once every couple months wouldn't bother me that much.

Edited September 29, 2018 by LoveFiend

[burnt]

Women with low self esteem who are also insecure will let this type of stuff kill a relationship.

 

So...

Are you saying that by revealing the truth about your past, the women will kill the relationship if they low self esteem? Therefore, doesn't that automatically imply that by hiding that stuff you are carrying out a relationship with a woman with low self esteem all the while acknowledging that the woman has low self esteem and the relationship is only alive because she doesn't have the full truth about you.

 

If the woman has low self esteem, do you even want to stay with her? Isn't it better to go ahead and tell the truth and if she starts to kill the relationship due to her own low self esteem, isn't it better to cut things off with such a person you can't even respect?