People who are nervous about the approach... read this.

[Garcon1986]

I have noticed that many blokes here have posted threads recently about being nervous about approaching.

 

I wanted to share my story of approaching people today, in the hopes that you might share in the inspiration. I hope any nervous lads here who think they can't approach a girl they like draw some inspiration.

 

First I start my days with a Maori haka to experience true manliness, and know what confident manliness truly is.

 

Then, I said, even though I'm in the worst place in the country for Asian folks to date, I will go down fighting for what I believe in, which is I will eventually get enough experience to marry the woman who is right for me.

 

My background is that I am in graduate medical training in Mississippi, and as an ethnically Asian gentleman who grew up in the UK, my dating prospects are next to impossible in a classical Bible belt city, where most ladies my age only want a hot soldier or extremely physically fit lad. So, I went approaching ladies with the first assumption: if the lady is physically unattracted to you or otherwise emotionally not open to being approached, she will quickly and effortlessly shut you down.

 

So despite the odds being stacked against me, I must be positive and charming at all times. If I meet the girl of my dreams without having practiced, I will definitely lose my opportunity. She will sense weakness and shut me down, and I will have to approach so many more girls to find another girl of my dreams.

 

So I have to talk to at least one new woman every day. Conversation topic doesn't matter. Talk to a woman with the mindset that you are not there to ask for something in return. You are there to improve your confidence and to create comfortable conversation. Women will refuse to talk to a guy if he doesn't create the conditions of being comfortable with conversing with him. Talk for the sake of talking, and allow your new buddy to be comfortable with speaking with you. Women's concerns are sometimes far fetched but also sometimes legitimate, in the sense that they don't want be caught with a creep or hurt.

 

Luckily I've put in the effort to get over my most recent breakup with an emotionally abusive lady.

 

Now, two months into living in Mississippi, I have approached at least one new woman 3-4 times a week and talked about a random topic. My particular weakness is talking about random rubbish without smirking. I have an involuntary smirk which is very off putting. I squeeze my hands together behind my back so hard it hurts. It helps the smirk though

 

I met the woman of my dreams on Bumble - an educated British teacher in my city, but I think I either texted her too much or my humor was a little not on her taste. I took the approach of setting up a mutually interesting date, but she flaked by saying "Oh I don't know, and I'm going out on a trip this week". The fact she was silent on rescheduling says that she wasn't that interested in the first place. I'm not reserving a non-refundable reservation for someone I don't know and who can't commit. Ok, that means this experience is a dime a dozen; no harm done, no money spent, move along. Didn't even skip a heartbeat.

 

At this point I'm confident enough to say it's time to flirt with the really intellectual women, from which my future date is likely to come from. Let's run with the social big dogs. I get lots of invites on my online profiles from people who have no life and no achievements, and I have no interest in dating them. They clearly expressed that they want a successful man in their life to support their kid and bad habits because they made a bad decision in the past to divorce a non-ideal man.

 

I then met two rather interesting women while teaching Spanish, and flirted with them while teaching. They were rather interesting to speak with, and I added them on facebook and started texting them without asking them out. If you ask out one woman, then ask out another in the same social circle, you will ruin your reputation. I talked with them and one replied. Ok, I didn't get a date, but it built my confidence. I had a chance to practice humor and allowing her to be comfortable.

 

 

So then I go swimming in my apartment complex, and this beautiful Indian lady goes up to sit on the large chairs next to the pool. Women do care about appearance, and for that reason, I am on a quest to get ripped arms. My legs are already ripped from cycling for 10 years and my abs are on the way to being nicely shaped from swimming. She's on her Ipad and iPhone, and I've seen her in the hospital before, and can essentially joke to anyone in my apartment complex about working at the hospital because nearly everyone does. I set up an opportunity to have humor, do not do anything physical before I judge her comfort level, and find out what she likes to talk about. The simplest secret to a good conversation, is to get your other friend to talk about him or herself. She thought my jokes were funny and readily talked about her husband. I thought about the abundance mentality, and asked about how interesting her family was. No big deal that she's not up for a date. I however did ask her to go play Escape Games with me and my friends, and I got her number and an agreement to call back, and a referral for a date for myself. That's two numbers just from approaching one person who I didn't know.

 

Gentlemen you just have to dedicate yourselves to this work. You can do it if you are determined enough. I am determined enough to get a date that I will leave Mississippi to do it if necessary. You only fail if you learn nothing. I've put in the rejections and falling flat on my face to get to this point. Will you join in, in improving yourselves?

[5x5]

First I start my days with a Maori haka to experience true manliness, and know what confident manliness truly is.

 

Or you could just scratch your testicles.

 

Then, I said, even though I'm in the worst place in the country for Asian folks to date, I will go down fighting for what I believe in, which is I will eventually get enough experience to marry the woman who is right for me.

 

I hope that's just hyperbole, since I don't think any man needs to go down fighting just to get into a woman's pants.

 

My background is that I am in graduate medical training in Mississippi, and as an ethnically Asian gentleman who grew up in the UK, my dating prospects are next to impossible in a classical Bible belt city, where most ladies my age only want a hot soldier or extremely physically fit lad. So, I went approaching ladies with the first assumption: if the lady is physically unattracted to you or otherwise emotionally not open to being approached, she will quickly and effortlessly shut you down.

 

Considering the rate of teen pregnancy in Mississippi, it can't be that hard to get laid like tile if that is your want.

 

So I have to talk to at least one new woman every day. Conversation topic doesn't matter. Talk to a woman with the mindset that you are not there to ask for something in return. You are there to improve your confidence and to create comfortable conversation. Women will refuse to talk to a guy if he doesn't create the conditions of being comfortable with conversing with him. Talk for the sake of talking, and allow your new buddy to be comfortable with speaking with you. Women's concerns are sometimes far fetched but also sometimes legitimate, in the sense that they don't want be caught with a creep or hurt.

 

You might be overthinking this.

 

I met the woman of my dreams on Bumble - an educated British teacher in my city, but I think I either texted her too much or my humor was a little not on her taste. I took the approach of setting up a mutually interesting date, but she flaked by saying "Oh I don't know, and I'm going out on a trip this week". The fact she was silent on rescheduling says that she wasn't that interested in the first place. I'm not reserving a non-refundable reservation for someone I don't know and who can't commit. Ok, that means this experience is a dime a dozen; no harm done, no money spent, move along. Didn't even skip a heartbeat.

 

She didn't flake at all, from what you have written it is evident that she didn't want to date you, hence her first reaction to your proposition. In other words you didn't get past GO.

 

The fact that she was silent on your attempt at rescheduling a mirage. Was her response to you not understanding. That the following "Oh I don't know, and I'm going out on a trip this week", meant "I'm not interested in going on a date with you at all".

 

I then met two rather interesting women while teaching Spanish, and flirted with them while teaching. They were rather interesting to speak with, and I added them on facebook and started texting them without asking them out. If you ask out one woman, then ask out another in the same social circle, you will ruin your reputation. I talked with them and one replied. Ok, I didn't get a date, but it built my confidence. I had a chance to practice humor and allowing her to be comfortable.

 

If you were interested in dating either of them, you would have done well to get to the point early on and just say so.

 

As to reputations and social circles, as long as you're not a complete jerk, doing such things needn't be an issue.

 

Gentlemen you just have to dedicate yourselves to this work. You can do it if you are determined enough. I am determined enough to get a date that I will leave Mississippi to do it if necessary. You only fail if you learn nothing. I've put in the rejections and falling flat on my face to get to this point. Will you join in, in improving yourselves?

 

No thanks.

 

That said I do wish you every success on your quest to find the girl of your dreams.

[Rotn'roses]

I adore men like you. I think us women folk should give a round of applause to the men in our lives. I can not believe how much pressure you men have on yourselves in order to approach new women! You can't come off creepy because you can get sued or fired at work, or like you said, shut down if the woman is not into your delivery when you approach her. My hats off to you, gentlemen, who bravely go forth each day with renewed determination in how to overcome our sometimes, banal and preoccupied female attitudes towards men in general. Good luck to you and I am sure some men here appreciate your experiences and guidance when approaching a female. Keep it kind, please!

[5x5]

I adore men like you. I think us women folk should give a round of applause to the men in our lives. I can not believe how much pressure you men have on yourselves in order to approach new women! You can't come off creepy because you can get sued or fired at work' date=' or like you said, shut down if the woman is not into your delivery when you approach her. My hats off to you, gentlemen, who bravely go forth each day with renewed determination in how to overcome our sometimes, banal and preoccupied female attitudes towards men in general. Good luck to you and I am sure some men here appreciate your experiences and guidance when approaching a female. Keep it kind, please![/quote']

 

What pressure?

 

There's nothing brave about approaching a woman and asking her out or propositioning her.

 

Women are human beings just as men are, talking to them and all the rest is pretty easy to do.

[preraph]

If nothing else, you're building a nice network of friends and expanding your social comfort and contacts, which can only help in finding a good match. Good luck. It's good to talk to everyone and be seen being friendly to everyone because it does make you approachable.

[Chilli]

l can't believe the fuss and trouble guys seem to put themselves through either if the net is anything to go by.

Don't think l've ever known a guy that goes on like so many of them seem too , apart from like maybe back when l was a kid , 15 at school or something.

How often you approach some stranger in that way anyway , for me maybe once in my life.

Still , l appreciate rotnroses for your nice words on behalf of the guys that do , nice to know the girls can appreciate their efforts.