How do you know if a guy is harassing you at a bar?

[Dodgersfan11]

I've been going out alone to the bars the past few weekends, mostly there for the eye candy and to see if I find a decent guy, however I feel like I've had a few genuine approaches from a few guys-like they come up to me and shake my hand and say, "nice to meet you" I'm so and so, etc, etc. Then there are guys that just come up to me and ask random questions about his friend losing her wallet and asked if I've see it or just random, "oh my friend thinks you're hot" comment. The last time, I was walking in a crowded area- and these three guys were there, one of them looked at me and gave me a high five-so I did and as I walked away, said some type of offensive remark about my heritage, and then make a remark about my butt. This makes me think twice about going out alone as a female to the bars, not sure if I was an easy target because I was alone, or does this type of thing happen often?

[Happy Lemming]

I'm kind of old school... if I don't have anything nice to say, I keep my mouth shut.

 

I'm guessing some immature guy(s) wanted to show off in front of his buddies (mix in some alcohol), and he had the courage to make a derogatory comment to you.

 

There are all kinds of people in the world. Sometimes we run into immature jerks that need to put people down to make themselves feel better. They are the exception and not the rule.

 

I wouldn't let it deter me from going out, alone. Eventually, you will meet someone that wants to get to know and date you. Stay the course!!

[basil67]

Yeah, it's all quite normal.

[doyathinkso]

I've been going out alone to the bars the past few weekends, mostly there for the eye candy and to see if I find a decent guy,

 

Oh yeah.

 

That's a good plan.

 

Uh huh.

[carhill]

If the bouncer tosses him out the door on his butt....

 

So, are any of these guys buying or sending you drinks? That was always a typical ice-breaker in my generation.

 

If you get out of a bar with a rude comment on your butt I'd say it was a good evening. Look wrong at a guy's lady, even if not knowing she's his lady, back in my day, was the start of an all-out bar brawl. Same with body part comments. Lots of chivalrous tall hats.

[BaileyB]

If I'm at a bar and a guy approaches me, he is harassing me...

 

Lol. I only go to the bar to dance with my friends. And I don't even do that very often these days... Otherwise, the bar scene is not my thing at all.

[d0nnivain]

If you don't know if they are harassing you, they are not.

 

The behavior you describe is rude, boorish, vulgar & unwelcome but it's not harassing. I define harassment as repeated behavior designed to harm you. The insult was derogatory. The comment about your butt vulgar but on some level you have to expect drunk people to do crass things.

 

I agree there is a certain vulnerability associated with going out alone as a woman. From a safety perspective you may want to re-evaluate that choice. It's a shame you have to but better safe then sorry.

[Orokotikki]

That is the problem with trying to meet people at bars, (1) you only meet people who go to bars, and (2) you are mostly likely to meet people who hang out in bars ALL the time.

 

I'm all in favor of a few drinks, but having worked at a few bars in my youth (actually funnest jobs I had), but I wouldn't waste my time there with any of the people who frequented there.

[basil67]

To underscore d0nnivain's point, harassment is when a person's behaviour is targeted at you. It's when they deliberately make you feel unsafe or physically intimidated.

 

There is no harrassment in what you described. Just drunken, stupid behaviour.

[preraph]

All the guys up to the ones who high fived and made rude comments are just trying to meet you and you should chat with any you might like. It's fairly rare for guys to come up and shake your hand like that in a nice civilized manner in a bar. So I'd favor those who do that. The ones making up excuses to talk -- well, I can't criticize them because I used to do that. Cut them some slack too. I wouldn't like the ones saying "My friend likes you." And really, the friend might be okay and this is his friend's way of actually sabotaging him by making him look weak. I had a gf who I think used to do that. It seemed to run guys off, so I think that was her intention and her way of meeting them herself.