mrs_beckham Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Ok i have to start somewhere. I had been with my boyfriend for three years, to be honest he wasnt that nice and i lost a lot of confidence going out with him. He used to put me down in front of people pick out all my flaws and make me feel awful. It was a bad time and i just stayed with him. We planned a holiday and two weeks before he got really drunk and nasty and smashed my room up. I tried to get out of the holiday but i couldnt and ended up going with him. It was ok and he was really nice to me. But I knew i had to end it and started to try and build up my confidence to do it. When we got back he was still being nasty and on a saturday night he got really drunk down our local pub and started being really horrible in front of everyone. He made me cry and totally humiliated me. I ended up walking out really upset and walked home. When i got home his friend had driven him round saying should i take him home. I said yes but my boyfriend just walked in my house. About 5 minutes later his other friend turned up to see if i was ok he didnt know my boyfriend was there. My boyfriend then started moaning as i had no drink in my house. His friend could see i was upset and said he had some at his shall we go and get it. So we left and we started chatting he said he had liked me for three years, he hates the way my boyfriend treats me and would love me to be his girlfriend. I couldnt believe it i had always liked him, but the way i felt thought no one would ever like me again especially him. We got back and my boyfriend had passed out so we sat up chatting and we kissed. It was amazing it felt totally right and we clicked. He had always stuck up for me when my boyfriend had been nasty, it started making sense. That was it we started talking and seeing each other. I was still too scared to break up with my boyfriend as i knew he would go mad if i left him. But i knew the right time would come. Two weekends after i was strong enough to do it, but i was breaking up with him because how he treated me not because of his friend. Well the right time came, he had been drinking all day and turned up my house. He ended up pushing me over, kicked me, punched me and head butted me. He then spat at me. He had done this before but this was the worst time. So i know i have done the right thing, but its still hard. His friend said when my ex finds out he dosent care about losing him as a friend, that its worth it. I'm just worried that he might regret it in the future if my ex boyfriend dosent speak to him again. his friend is so lovely, says my ex never deserved me and he treats me like a princess, he would never hurt me. But he did feel guilty for a week and didnt speak to me, he found it hard which i understand. But i dont want him to regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 It's difficult to know where to begin here Victoria. Firstly, I think you need to forget about men, all men, any men. No dates, no boyfriends, no sex. Secondly report the ex to the police & never speak to or see him again. Then start trying to figure out how to stay away from relationships like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs_beckham Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 Thanks for the reply blue chocolate... Your right i should have reported him...So you think i should leave his friend alone aswell? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Hey I note you are out of London and not sure of the proper procedures.....but the first thing you need to do is to find a battered womens shelter to at least get free counseling and learn what lead you to let someone treat you so cruelly. I would not worry about the x and the new bf losing their friendship. I would worry however about retaliation directed towards YOU and the new bf. I would worry very much right now and watch your back for awhile. He has not much to lose (the old boyfriend) but hours of thinking of revenge because he is NOT * okay * inside. He will bully , beg and threaten you to come back. I disagree that you should leave this new man alone. He has been your lifeline , he showed you how to get out and he showed you that you are a decent human being that deserves being treated wonderfully. I would not do anything but keep him as a friend because you need LOTS of help working on YOU right now. Keep him by yourside but dont get too deep ( hard to say and do when you are feeling lonely ) but you need to focus on getting help for yourself. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 The new guy has both guilt over having been involved in cheating, and while he knows you were being abused, he is concerned that if you cheated on the last b/f, you may cheat on him too. If nothing else, he simply feels the situation is too hot and that your ex still clearly has significant emotional impact on your life. You should back off the new guy for a while till things cool off. Link to post Share on other sites
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