I think our engagement is on to a good start ** Updated **

[Destini]

Since we have Been engaged, that was Tuesday, he hasn’t been on any of his social media. That’s where he would like pictures and dm girls he sees on his TL including his ex. Now that he’s not getting on I think it’s him attempting to be dedicated to me and the engagement now.

 

He’s trying to take it more seriously. He hasn’t said anything about the engagement on Facebook like I have been doing but like I said he’s trying to not be tempted and that’s a gesture of love and commitment. I wonder how long he’ll stay off, hopefully longer.

 

 

 

-----No we do no live with his mother anymore. We have a little apartment in Missouri. We both work. He works at a gas station, kind of has a head position but he isn’t the manager. I work at a hotel. I have a CNA certificate from a Job Corp program. I didn’t finish highschool at an actually highschool I went to Job Corp instead.

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/rom...ed#post7636483

Edited September 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merged threads into GM and added background

[Estes]

Congratulations!

 

 

I hope he meets all your expectations and that your worries are unfounded.

[BaileyB]

Congratulations!

 

 

I hope he meets all your expectations and that your worries are unfounded.

 

Lol. You have some reading to do to catch up on a few things...

 

This post needs to be joined to the other discussion.

[Estes]

Lol. You have some reading to do to catch up on a few things...

 

This post needs to be joined to the other discussion.

 

 

I don't know the backstory but it's clear she has doubts about his ability to chase other women and succumb to temptation but she's willing to accept this uncertainty in her life so I wish her the best, what else can you do when someone is willing to settle for a person that is full of question marks and lacks a moral compass?

[smackie9]

So how many carats?

[Destini]

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/102703-just-broke-our-engagement-her-heart

 

It kind of makes me think about what you guys have said but I have hope.

[MidwestUSA]

[]

 

Just don't bring an innocent child into your situation.

Edited September 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[Versacehottie]

Honest question: what are you trying to prove by posting "positive" progress to your threads?

 

I think you are trying too hard to prove this relationship is good to us, absolute strangers, to defend and convince yourself that you are doing the right thing by staying in this. And hoping (probably 100% against hope) that it will work out in the long run.

 

I think if you are not going to follow the advice given to walk away from this relationship and go back home, then you should enjoy being engaged and stop trying to prove anything (i.e. no real reason to post). Time will tell what the end point is anyway; you've made it clear that you are going to proceed in spite of warning signs that bother you and that others say will not baud well with this guy. No one has a window into the future. With their advice they are just trying to protect you from what is not a good situation based on what you have conveyed. If you believe in this relationship, you should go enjoy it. Because you wouldn't need anymore advice or reassurance would you?

 

Or you can answer the real question: why is your instinct asking you to get reassurance from complete strangers when things are going exactly as you think you wanted?

[Els]

So 6 days with no messaging of exes is an accomplishment......?

 

 

If this is the level of expectation that you have now, I'd really hate to see how your standards are after you've been together for a few more years.

[Destini]

We plan on getting married in April or May and I’m trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.

[shydad]

Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing?

Hi Destini, I don't know if most men are like this.

 

However, when I was engaged, my expectation was that she would want to plan all of the wedding details. It doesn't mean I wasn't excited, nor that I didn't want to participate in planning. My understanding was that women get excited about planning all of those details. Why did I think that? Well, our society supports the idea that this is a "woman thing". How many bridal magazines are there? Probably many dozens? Now how many groom magazines are out there? None? In movies, women excitedly talk about wedding details, but men aren't shown to do that.

 

My suggestion is that you talk with your fiance and explain that you would like to share the planning tasks equally with him. Once he understands your desires, he should want to help you.

 

I'm sorry that you are feeling so much stress. I can imagine it would be hard. If you have family who can assist as well, you might consider asking them for additional help.

[MidwestUSA]

Seven weeks ago, you posted that you were crazy to think you could change him. Now you've moved away from family, and are planning a wedding alone.

 

I'll say it again, don't get pregnant.

 

While you do the planning, he'll be trying to hit his ex up for sex.

 

Please go home to your family!

[BaileyB]

We plan on getting married in April or May and I’m trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.

 

Many men want to be a part of the wedding planning, will have some opinions, and will be excited to participate in the wedding.

[stillafool]

We plan on getting married in April or May and I’m trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.

 

No! Be happy he said that now you get to have everything you like and the way you want it. What a doll.

[PRW]

We plan on getting married in April or May and I’m trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.

 

It is the bride's family that is supposed to plan the wedding. Not the bride. Not the groom. It is supposed to be the family's "gift" to the new couple.

 

I would say the same thing he did. If you are having a hard time getting it done then you are making it too big and too complicated.

 

If I ever get married again it will be in front of a Judge and we'll tell everyone after it is done.

[kendahke]

We plan on getting married in April or May and I’m trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.

 

Heck, I'm like this. JoP is good enough for me.

 

Hire a wedding planner...

 

Planning a wedding is a full time job with guaranteed overtime every week.

[Gaeta]

Is that how things are done in your culture?

 

 

 

Who's paying for the wedding?

 

 

If you want to get married in next April I'd say you might be late for reservation. I know you are only 18 years old and planning a wedding is overwhelming. Don't you have the assistance of your family?

 

 

When I got married 32 years ago my ex-husband participated to all aspects of our wedding. We picked our invitations together, the venue, the menu, the wine, etc etc etc.

[Mardelis]

If he's got no interest in planning the wedding then it's pretty clear he's got no interest in the woman he's marrying. Who is paying for this wedding?

[carhill]

In my generation the men stayed out of wedding planning. That was a female thing, generally the bride and her sisters and mother/aunts. The bride's father footed the bill.

 

Why? If momma ain't happy no one is happy and with wedding planning that's a perpetually moving target men don't want to deal with. Most of my friends did their bachelor parties and showed up when and where instructed. Some are still married decades later so I guess it worked out OK.

[Gaeta]

What is the purpose of getting married so young??? and both of you with NOTHING under your feet?

 

 

 

This man works in a gas station for goodness sake!! What type of miserable life are you gonna start together?? and you did not finish your high school! Not only he works a minimum wage job but he's a pr*k that has no scruples cheating on you and sexually chasing an ex.

 

 

 

Before you tie your life to someone else you need to be able to fetch for yourself and you ain't there yet!! Get yourself back in school, go get a college education that will allow you to financially support yourself on your own. Build some pride in being an Independent woman! You're not gonna be 18 and cute all of your life!

[Orokotikki]

I was told by all family friends to stay out of it as much as possible and leave it to my wife so she could get things exactly as she wanted. It was a lot for her and fueled some resentment. I did actually help, just not as much as (it turns out) either of us would have liked.

 

He might feel lost, as I did, unsure of what would be helping and what would be interfering. Tell him it is too much to handle on your own (especially if you are not getting enough help from family and bridesmaids) and give him a list of SPECIFIC things to handle and explain "I am leaving these up to you to handle, I am counting on you!"

 

If his wife to be asks for help he should give it! If he won't give his bride to be the help she needs... What is there to make you think he will give his wife the support and help she will (at some time) need?

[Mr. Lucky]

So much for this thought...

 

I think our engagement is on to a good start

 

Mr. Lucky

[lana-banana]

Wow, no way. My husband and I planned everything together, from figuring out our enormous menu to picking accessories on Etsy. It was a lot easier (and more fun!) that way.

 

Also, unless you're going to an outlet or buying used, you need to get a dress now. Most dresses from a shop are about 9 months from ordering to the event. If you don't have time or the desire for a shop dress, try preownedweddingdresses (dot com).

[Els]

While it's fairly common for the majority of the planning to be done by the woman (partly because many women have very strong opinions on what sort of wedding they always wanted whereas most men don't, and partly due to the "emotional labour gender gap")... in your case I think the reason why he isn't involved is pretty obvious.

 

 

Anyway, to stick to the topic, my SO was fairly involved in choosing some of the aspects of the day, came up with some ideas, and did some DIY projects for it as well. But I did most of the day-to-day work in moving things forward, and I singlehandedly picked out some things that he had zero interest in (like the flowers). He works long hours and the majority of the costs are paid from his paycheck, so I think it's fair. If he worked a less demanding job, I would expect things to be more equal.

 

 

 

In your case, frankly I don't see why you're still with him.

[nospam99]

My ex-wife and I were in our early 30s. Second marriage for her. Her father was dead. We both had VERY good jobs and we had already been 'living in sin' in a house we owned for 3 years. We did all the planning and logistics ourselves. Best damn party I've ever been to (actually a tie because we threw a couple of parties for various milestones in our kids' lives over the years). I ****ing LOVE parties I plan and throw. Sadly, at my age, with many friends and relatives dead, with the likelihood of a second marriage someday low, and with all my kids males, I think my party-throwing days are over in this cycle of the universe. Too bad - I ****ing LOVE parties I plan and throw. It's the food, the music, and getting to see most of the people I love all at once.