guy question

[vickyp]

Hi everyone. So ive been single for a 1.5 yrs just working on myself, and enjoying my time alone. I haven't dated, in that time frame. Be gentle with my situation, because I feel like a high school kid. I work out after work. Do my thing and leave. Last Wednesday, I was on the cardio machine and I scanned the room.

 

Sure enough I see this attractive man on a weight machine. I'm not going to lie, but I kept staring. I don't even know why I was. He isn't the "type" of guy id go for. I like brown hair and eyes. he has blue eyes and blonde hair, and a lot of muscles. Which again, I don't go for. I kept staring and he caught me, more then once doing so. Sure enough, now I catch him staring at me, a lot. I thought it was a one time of seeing him.

 

I see him on Monday, again he caught me looking at him, and just stares at me without a blink or a smile. Yesterday we were alone at the water fountain, I thought, surely this guy is gonna either smile or talk to now. Were alone. Nope. I then thought, he's not interested. So I did my work out, without staring or any acknowledgment of him being there. I thought forget it vick. Time passes and im cleaning a machine off from sweat and he comes within 2cm of me , like almost brushing up against me.

 

I thought to myself, wow bold move. So later I see him at the water fountain and im like f it. just do it. I walked up to him and started a conversation. The guy who never smiled while staring, had the biggest smile and was looking right in my eyes while we chatted for a few mins. I then made a comment like, its funny how its always the same people here at this time. He replies back saying, yes I see you here too. I got super shy. My questions are: does this guy like me? and now can I regain my confidence. I kept asking myself, why the hell would be like me? im thin, I don't show off my body when I work out. its like baggy. I wear wrist bands to swipe the sweat off my face and I even pull my socks up. I'm no diva.

 

If I see him today, should I go up and talk to him or wait? and I don't know why im so attracted to him, when I know nothing about him. Thanks for the help

Edited September 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Mr. Lucky]

I don't know why im so attracted to him, when I know nothing about him. Thanks for the help

 

Well, I'll suggest the obvious - you're lonely and he's another human being - with muscles and a nice smile.

 

Doesn't seem much downside in continued friendly conversation. Since you don't know his relationship status, let him take it from there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[PRW]

Well you may not think he is your "type", but he is probably masculine and women are instinctively attracted to masculine men. Don't put a lot of stock in what people think their "type" is,...they are often wrong anyway. Women often end up marrying and being happy with a guy that they would have sworn in the past was not their "type",...so don't take "typing" very seriously.

 

If you are attracted to the guy then you are attracted to the guy. Give it up. Attraction is not a choice, it is in your DNA.

 

Keep showing interest in the guy. Keep talking to him. Men are skittish about approaching women and getting their contact info, offering a date, etc., while at a gym. Too many women claim they don't like it while they are working out, and no man wants to be the next #metoo accusation,...so they play it safe and hold back. He is not going to "let go" on that until he feels over a little time that it is safe to do that with you. Of course this assumes he is single and available,...if he is not,...then he just simply "noticed" you and the timing is not right.

[Happy Lemming]

Prior to the #metoo accusations, if a woman struck up a conversation with me (anywhere) I would attempt to ask her out for drinks or get her number. PRW makes a good point, though. Some men are "gun shy" and are very careful, now. One the other hand, he may not have tried to follow through because he may already have a girlfriend.

 

Like other posters... I think I would try one more conversation/chit-chat and see if he gets the hint.

[thefooloftheyear]

Maybe he's there to train, not scope out women...

 

TFY

[basil67]

If you see him, smile and say Hi. See if conversation happens and go with the flow. Something may happen...or it may not. Try to enjoy the moment rather than overthink it all.

[SevenCity]

Next time you talk to him bring up that you are single and ask what his deal is. That’s what my gf did and it was pretty obvious she liked me.

 

That said, my only apprehension from asking her out was we work together. Had I met out out she wouldn’t have had to go that far.

[basil67]

Prior to the #metoo accusations....

 

#metoo is only a problem if he assaults her in a closet of the gym. Or starts stalking her. If he behaves well, #metoo is not an issue.

[Happy Lemming]

#metoo is only a problem if he assaults her in a closet of the gym. Or starts stalking her. If he behaves well, #metoo is not an issue.

 

There are specific laws that apply if he assaults her in the closet, we call that "rape" here. We also have anti-stalking laws, here.

 

#metoo has become the rallying cry of any woman who doesn't like the behavior of alpha males. If he doesn't "behave" the way she likes then it is an issue, even if he has not broken any laws. It seems the alpha males have no defense and are convicted in the court of public opinion.

 

A lot of men are "gun shy" because of this. The gentleman in question may be keeping his distance because he likes that gym and doesn't want to be kicked out for some perceived infraction.

 

Or like "TFY" stated, he may be there just to train.

[LoverOfDance]

I would say strike up another conversation next time. I doubt he will. I'd also say ask him out. I suspect he might be involved with someone already. If you ask him out during your next convo, you'll be saving time and energy.

 

Hopefully, he is a decent guy and will let you know if he already has someone. If he doesn't, I doubt he'll say no to going out for coffee or something. From what you described he seems attracted. I say go for it. You have nothing to lose.

[PRW]

#metoo is only a problem if he assaults her in a closet of the gym. Or starts stalking her. If he behaves well, #metoo is not an issue.

 

That is the way a woman sees it. It is not the way a man see it. What men see are all the lives ruined by false accusations when they didn't do anything wrong in the first place. I work in the media and was treated to an all-day torture of having to watch a Supreme Court nominee having his and his families lives dragged through the mud as a public spectacle over accusations that are clearly false and politically motivated. Now a situation in a Gym may not have much political motivation but if some woman thought she could get some free money in a settlement from the Gym, this guy could find himself as the vehicle for that,...or if he happens to have money, a good career, or a high profile job,...she might want to extract money from him. Or some woman just might get perverse pleasure out of just seeing the guy banned from the gym.

 

He doesn't know her, he has no reason to trust her at this time.

[vickyp]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Well again today I saw him. We were having a general conversation, when the bomb dropped. He's married!! I was taken back abit. I continued to talk, but the whole time I was thinking about the flirting. Even how he almost brushed up on me going in between the row I was in, instead of going around. Anyway I'm glad I just invest less then a week of time.

[PRW]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Well again today I saw him. We were having a general conversation, when the bomb dropped. He's married!! I was taken back abit. I continued to talk, but the whole time I was thinking about the flirting. Even how he almost brushed up on me going in between the row I was in, instead of going around. Anyway I'm glad I just invest less then a week of time.

 

I reread the thread just to be sure, but I see no flirting here. "Almost" brushing up against you is not "actually" brushing up against you. Even if he did brush up against you that doesn't make it flirting. Spend a little time on a subway train or a transit bus and people are bumping and rubbing together all the time. It may likely indicate that he is a confident person and is not intimidated by eye contact or getting physically close to someone,...while you might be,...and hence interpreted it as staring or getting physically too close.

 

You were probably "projecting" your feelings onto him. Guys to this all the time to women. They get interested is some girl they see but know absolutely nothing about. But they project their interest level onto the women and then in their minds start "seeing" signs of attraction from her that doesn't really exist. Then when the truth finally slaps them and they find that she has no interest at all,...they get enraged and blame her for flirting, leading them on, teasing them, playing games,...and some may go as far as saying she was "almost" cheating on her partner,...when none of it is true. It is just all in their minds.

[alphamale]

Vicky, wait for him to make the next move. But keep on giving him the eye and smiling

[alphamale]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Well again today I saw him. We were having a general conversation, when the bomb dropped. He's married!! I was taken back abit. I continued to talk, but the whole time I was thinking about the flirting. Even how he almost brushed up on me going in between the row I was in, instead of going around. Anyway I'm glad I just invest less then a week of time.

 

oh I just read this Vicky, that's a shame. well, move on to the next guy

[vickyp]

I reread the thread just to be sure, but I see no flirting here. "Almost" brushing up against you is not "actually" brushing up against you. Even if he did brush up against you that doesn't make it flirting. Spend a little time on a subway train or a transit bus and people are bumping and rubbing together all the time. It may likely indicate that he is a confident person and is not intimidated by eye contact or getting physically close to someone,...while you might be,...and hence interpreted it as staring or getting physically too close.

 

You were probably "projecting" your feelings onto him. Guys to this all the time to women. They get interested is some girl they see but know absolutely nothing about. But they project their interest level onto the women and then in their minds start "seeing" signs of attraction from her that doesn't really exist. Then when the truth finally slaps them and they find that she has no interest at all,...they get enraged and blame her for flirting, leading them on, teasing them, playing games,...and some may go as far as saying she was "almost" cheating on her partner,...when none of it is true. It is just all in their minds.

 

Your reply made total sense. I believe that is what happen. I guess because of my last relationship, ( actually the nightmare I had) I had lost abit of myself. Its until now, that I'm starting to feel like my old self. Not 100% as I was before, but slowing I'm getting there. Also I hadn't thought about dating or even thought of it. So with this gentleman "paying attention to me" gave me abit of ego boost. I do appreciate your input on the situation.

[vickyp]

oh I just read this Vicky, that's a shame. well, move on to the next guy

 

Exactly, on to the next. I do enjoy your reading your post at times. They make me giggle cheers