Taken for Granted?

[Logo]

I am posing this question to everyone on this forum. I would like to get as much feedback on this as possible. It's a question that has been on my mind for a few days and I'm trying to look at it from different perspectives.

 

I have been in relationships where the other person (she) quickly trusted me without fearing emotional vulnerability. I had a lot of respect for such women and felt that they treated me the same way I treated them. Their commitment to the relationship didn't fall short of my expectations, even though we didn't sit down and have an exchange about expectations. It simply happened.

 

I have also been in a relationship where the other person showed great interest in -- and commitment to -- the relationship and to me.

 

I was still the same person and behaved the same way. I treated her with love, respect and trust.

 

After a while, she started taking me for granted. I expressed my feelings. She apologized and promised to work on herself. Needless to say, nothing changed.

 

And that brings me to the main question of this post.

 

Are some people taken for granted because of what they do and how they behave in a relationship, or is being taken for granted a deficiency in the other partner's personality?

 

At the same time, is there a connection between narcissism and taking one's partner for granted? Will narcissists always take their partners for granted or can that partner change the narcissist's behavior by setting expectations early on? In other words, are narcissists predisposed to taking partners in romantic relationships for granted?

 

Is it also possible that everyone who takes his or her partner for granted is a narcissist by nature and therefore can't be changed?

 

 

Finally, what are some clues or signs one can look for, minor as they may be early on, to learn if the person he or she is dating happens to be a narcissist?

Edited September 29, 2018 by Logo

[basil67]

I'm interested in joining you in this conversation, but being 'taken for granted' is a very broad term. Can you define her behaviours which made you feel this way?

 

What makes you think she's a narcissist? Every person and their dog seems to label their ex as a narcissist these days....what behaviours make you think she would get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist?

[Mr. Lucky]

At the same time, is there a connection between narcissism and taking one's partner for granted? Will narcissists always take their partners for granted or can that partner change the narcissist's behavior by setting expectations early on? In other words, are narcissists predisposed to taking partners in romantic relationships for granted?

 

Narcissism is by definition selfish behavior so you could set expectations all day without much success. So if ignoring - or being unable to fulfill - those expectations meets your definition of "being taken for granted", then there is a certain inevitability this will happen in a relationship with a narcissist.

 

Is it also possible that everyone who takes his or her partner for granted is a narcissist by nature and therefore can't be changed?

 

Way too broad. Your partner might take you for granted because she's has different priorities (for example, children), different expectations or simply isn't that into you.

 

I agree with basil67, you have to be careful about applying neat labels to complex behaviors...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Logo]

I'll try to narrow it down.

 

 

 

When I write about being taken for granted, I'm specifically referring to reciprocity. This discussion comes up all the time on here and everyone writes, that, yes, indeed, relationships should be balanced, each partner in the relationship should contribute 50%.

 

 

 

So when one person only puts in 10% worth of effort into a relationship and expects the other person to carry the load or doesn't bother to contribute more, then they are taking their partner for granted.

 

 

 

We can leave narcissism out of it if you feel it muddies the water, but the definition is simple:

 

 

"Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, a sense of entitlement and

social isolation."

 

 

 

I hope that answers your questions.