PhillyLibertyBelle Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I’m recently in the last phase of my marriage. I was married over age 45 for just over 2 years, and I felt so lucky to have had a second chance at love only for it to all turn to sand. I’m wondering if women 50+ who find themselves single for any reason (any woman, any sexual orientation, any previous marriage history) have felt that they had to come to accept being single forever and creating a full robust golden years alone or if there is a hope for a last chance at love (would be my third). It seems once a woman hits 50 or older they aren’t seen as vital and / or interested in romance and are overlooked. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I started feeling invisible in my late 40s, but I've realized it probably had a lot more to do with my own feelings and actions (not being as engaged in life in general, being unhappy in my marriage) than what other people were thinking or seeing. I went through my divorce at 50 and once I woke up and started engaging with people and activities that made me feel good and alive I no longer felt that invisibility. Three years later I certainly don't feel invisible and I receive plenty of attention from men so I feel confident that I will find love again. Just make sure that you are paying attention and participating fully in life and you'll see that you do have options and opportunities. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 I started feeling invisible in my late 40s, but I've realized it probably had a lot more to do with my own feelings and actions (not being as engaged in life in general, being unhappy in my marriage) than what other people were thinking or seeing. I went through my divorce at 50 and once I woke up and started engaging with people and activities that made me feel good and alive I no longer felt that invisibility. Three years later I certainly don't feel invisible and I receive plenty of attention from men so I feel confident that I will find love again. Just make sure that you are paying attention and participating fully in life and you'll see that you do have options and opportunities. May I ask specifically what activities you did and how you engaged in life? I put everything into my marriage and lost myself. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I'm a 64 y/o male 'hunting' on OLD. It is not age that makes a woman 'invisible' to me, it's looks. In my OLD 'adventures' I've met and dated several 'very visible' 60-somethings. Although they are in the minority at their ages, I see photos of women into their 70s who are still very 'visible'. I do ballroom dancing and there are 70+ y/o women there who are still 'hanging on' to 'hot'. However at that age I'm one man who will be silently asking the question 'How many years (of life) has she got left?'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 I'm a 64 y/o male 'hunting' on OLD. It is not age that makes a woman 'invisible' to me, it's looks. In my OLD 'adventures' I've met and dated several 'very visible' 60-somethings. Although they are in the minority at their ages, I see photos of women into their 70s who are still very 'visible'. I do ballroom dancing and there are 70+ y/o women there who are still 'hanging on' to 'hot'. However at that age I'm one man who will be silently asking the question 'How many years (of life) has she got left?'. Probably the same amount of life you have? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 May I ask specifically what activities you did and how you engaged in life? I put everything into my marriage and lost myself. What did you do before your marriage? I started participating in my hobbies again that I'd let go by the wayside during marriage, namely music related. I also added several new ones. I took classes at the community college on topics I thought might interest me (guitar, golf, chess, religion and other spiritual classes). Since music was always a big part of my life growing up I started going out to local clubs and listening to live music regularly. I've met a lot of new friends that way, both musicians and other fans. Through them I've also been introduced to other interests. One divorced woman friend started doing yoga and now teaches, one spends several hours a week volunteering at an animal shelter, one does improv theater. Even though their interests may not strike much of a chord with me it's interesting to see and hear about it second hand. It's helped ease the way in getting to know even more people when I can at least somewhat relate to their interests. Just be curious about everything. You'll figure out what makes you feel good, what makes you feel positive about the future. Take baby steps if it's uncomfortable for you - it will get easier the more you challenge yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Probably the same amount of life you have? Hardly (only dealing with likelihoods here)... - my genetics and family history - my life-long healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, adequate sleep, zero substance abuse) - we're talking about women who are six or more years older than I am Of course the irony is that if I'm wrong, I won't be 'around' to 'find out' Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 Hardly (only dealing with likelihoods here)... - my genetics and family history - my life-long healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, adequate sleep, zero substance abuse) - we're talking about women who are six or more years older than I am Of course the irony is that if I'm wrong, I won't be 'around' to 'find out' Typically men have shorter life spans than women but I don’t know why that would be the thing on your mind. You could have a 40 year old fall in love with you and get hit by a bus the next day. There are no guarantees on mortality 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 (edited) I’d heard things start becoming more difficult around 45 or so, but then go south quickly once menopause hits. Edit: I’m in my mid forties, and am actually in the worst, most unattractive shape of my life (I didn’t take very good care of myself after my divorce), and I’m not having any problems dating. I’m kind of shocked actually. Maybe I didn’t need to obsess about my weight for the last 25 years, lol! Edited September 30, 2018 by Veronica73 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Well, never. My Mum is a stunner according to the locals at the Lamb and Flag. (And me) She`s well over 50. Only today i was in Liddl and a woman in her 60`s placed her chicken breasts in my trolley as her hands were full. (She`d just nipped in for few things and saw no need for a trolley) Obviously she needed more, like carrots and basil. She flashed me a `never fail smile` and said, `two`s up with the trolley?` I didn`t say a word but followed round every aisle in a state of happiness. When we queued up, she paid, flashed me a blinding smile and waltzed off. I went home and recounted the story, my daughters were having none of it. My better half flashed me a smile and dazzled out of the room.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 One thing I didn't mention OP is physical activity. I was never much of an athlete but since my divorce I've really gotten into hiking and I love boxing (just sparring with a partner with pads or using the heavy bag)! The hiking connects me with nature and boxing makes me feel like a bada**! Both make me feel great. I golf occasionally, but it doesn't give me as much of a high. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 IMO they become invisible to different people at different ages. Why? Because humans, both women and men, are constantly changing, both in their own aura and perception of the auras of others. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I got myself back together physically when I was 49 and lots of people thought I was in my 30s, but even women in their 30s are not having a big dating life. There were a few guys in their 30s talking to me but once they found out how old I was, they weren't interested. The odd thing I wasn't prepared for is the really older guys, like in their 60s, I was invisible to them. They were still watching the real young ones and actually looked annoyed if anyone not in their 20s talked to them. I wasn't interested in them anyway. I'm just a social person and will talk to people. But was startled. Geezers. In my 30s, I still looked good, but I had nothing I would call serious in my 30s. Sex, yes, and lots of fun times and met lots of fun people, but guys in the same age range, where I live, were still looking for younger women. But where I live, there are more women than men to begin with, so it's a poor environment for women, really. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I don’t think you’d have major issues. From your other thread, I gather that you’re financially pretty well-off. So you have the resources to keep up your looks. By that, I didn’t mean botox but you can hire a trainer and buy nice clothes, etc. Also, I notice that your husband is quite a bit older. So if you don’t mind a guy 10-15 years older, there should be plenty of options. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 The hiking connects me with nature and boxing makes me feel like a bada**! Both make me feel great. I golf occasionally, but it doesn't give me as much of a high. oh, I just hiked Mont tremblant yesterday. My first hike this year. My bad. should do at least once a month. Despite that, I was among the first of the group to reach the top. I carpooled with 3 people. They are all fresh divorcees with kids. what are the odds...it's an adventure group not a divorcee group. I was the odd one there. but they are nice people and we had good chats. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyLibertyBelle Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 I think hiking sounds great Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 It seems once a woman hits 50 or older they aren’t seen as vital and / or interested in romance and are overlooked. I would say that is pretty much true. If I had a nickel for every older single woman I've met i'd have a million dollars. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 IMO they become invisible to different people at different ages. it's true in the opposite direction as well... as someone who is 55 I can tell you women about 35 or so and under are invisible to me.. I have changed the way I think as I've gotten older and now if I look at some pretty woman 30 I look at her as somewhat like a Daughter... Too Young.. I think the older women that are invisible to me are the ones in a different generation gap, the women in my age range I still look at.. my wife is hot... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 OTOH, I have personal friends in their 70's who'd bang a 20yo in a heartbeat and still flirt with them when their wives aren't around. Seen it personally. And, yeah, a few have great-granddaughters close to that age. My uncle was like that. Married nearly 60 years when he died. He probably never met a female he didn't like Men vary widely and we change throughout life. Society tends to discard older people in general but that's a social thing, not an attraction/sexual thing. Since my divorce I've met a bunch of hot older women (60-70s) but like my mom was they're pretty settled in their singlehood and out enjoying life. I recall meeting the mayor of a small town at taco Tuesday at the Vet's hall and we kinda stared at each other and made some small talk. She was 69. Lovely lady. Wrong state, hundreds of miles from home. Happens though. Hard to make generalizations. IMO, if a woman widens her social contacts, she'll have good success at any age. The guys were still after my mom in her late 70's but she was done with that. Dad was her one. Still visible though. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I’m recently in the last phase of my marriage. I was married over age 45 for just over 2 years, and I felt so lucky to have had a second chance at love only for it to all turn to sand. I’m wondering if women 50+ who find themselves single for any reason (any woman, any sexual orientation, any previous marriage history) have felt that they had to come to accept being single forever and creating a full robust golden years alone or if there is a hope for a last chance at love (would be my third). It seems once a woman hits 50 or older they aren’t seen as vital and / or interested in romance and are overlooked. Thank you Re: the bolded part, to me you are perpetuating that belief yourself by posting that. I don't feel invisible at all, in my early 50s. I've been fortunate to successfully date post divorce. Men seem to look at me (though that kind of attention sometimes makes me uncomfortable). I feel younger than I am due to good self care, better now than when I was 30. I'm in a happy, fairly new relationship now. If that ends at some point, though I hope it doesn't, I'm sure I would find someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 I wanted to add...I think being invisible has to do with how one chooses to present oneself to the world. It's not just about looks, and the luck of the draw with how quickly or slowly one is aging (though some of that has to do with lifestyle and exercise), but activity level, continuing to be intellectually active, having a life that is interesting and being able to engage with others on multiple levels, that can determine whether others find a person appealing and attractive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Enrique Inglesia mother was sought after even after 60, and a Nobel laureate got divorce just to be with her. so, it is highly depend on individuals, I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Well.. any woman who wants to be noticed can.. the ones I see turning heads just wear a tight tee shirt and no bra or too tight of shorts.. etc etc.. age doesn't matter..but you most likely won't see older women dress for that kind of attention though Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) Well.. any woman who wants to be noticed can.. the ones I see turning heads just wear a tight tee shirt and no bra or too tight of shorts.. etc etc.. age doesn't matter..but you most likely won't see older women dress for that kind of attention though "Too tight of shorts?" You mean short that are too tight? It's a very limited viewpoint that only women wearing tight or revealing clothing get attention. An unsurprising thought here given some the audience but clearly you think the only way a woman can be perceived as attractive is to dress provocatively. It's not the case, generally speaking. Women are the objects of unwanted male attention daily in every sphere. Personally, I walk 5 miles a day, wear modern, professional clothing at work and dress casually/outdoorsy out of work. My boyfriend and I hike, snowshoe, going kayaking and bicycling, and also enjoy the urban environment that we live in, enjoy live music, going to dinner, etc. This is what early 50s looks like to me. My partner is smart, educated, younger, lean and fit, handsome, and has a ton of attractive qualities and has an interesting life. I'm not having to "settle" as is suggested over and over in these types of threads that are disparaging toward women (including by women here). I have generally found myself with younger men, so women of my age definitely have options other then being limited to men 10-15 years older as stated earlier in this thread. We have options, period. It's very individual, period. Edited October 1, 2018 by greymatter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) I think women at any age have felt invisible....and it comes within from ones own perception, a self imposed exile.....its easier to feel invisible than be visible and engaged.....maybe its tiredness, fear of rejection, feelings of being over the hill ..throw mortality and physical limitations in the mix as we age...its different for every woman.... there is a simple cure though...engagement(as other posters have written) and i don't mean with a man...but with life..... i actually like being invisible to men....it is preferable for me....as i only ever wanted to be with just one dont want men noticing me anymore......and especially as i often feel larger than life..like a neon blimp...an easy target...vulnerable that's when i retreat from life...but im a bit strange and unusual....i think i want to be a female monk..there's two magic men ill never be invisible to..god and jesus and they adore me.....so they tell me....hard for me to believe they care.sorry side trackered...which brings me to another point.women often get so down on themselves...they dont believe anyone else notices them.....its not true....its our self protection mechanism at work...we have to overRIde the negative programming...aND positively ENGAGE.....and then...if you really want to be noticed and approached.....you will be.. i am 49 and as far as marriage goes.....it isnt going to happen for me....and im ok with that..i have come to accept fact....i wasnt ever meant to marry....or it would have happened already...i have received more than my share of attention from men......not all of it positive...or good..so its over for me......but.....i choose it to be over....its my agency to choose....to be single .....and never marry.......deb Edited October 1, 2018 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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