At what age do women become invisible?

[Els]

I think this actually starts in the early 40's for women.

 

 

When I turned 40 the thought of dating some one my own age was just not an option. It wasn't like I decided, It just happened this way. In fact women around my own age started to actually annoy me with their attitudes and entitlements.

 

 

 

The thought of talking about the same tv shows, growing up with the same music..All those reasons that are supposed to make people in the same age range compatible. Well, that kind of compatibility was no longer interesting to me at all. A woman from the same generation seemed..boring.

 

 

 

Women in the early 40's are established, they know what they want in life. While this would all seem positive, Its not what men look for alot of the time when they hit 40. Women don't understand this basic fact. They only understand attraction from their own viewpoint. Women are attracted to success much of the time.

 

 

 

So often it becomes a choice for a man like me. A fresh young woman with no expectations, willing to do whatever in life, who you know will leave you at some point OR a "serious relationship" with an "age appropriate" woman. I have yet to find a woman in her 40's who just likes to hook up. They are looking to tie a guy down a lot of the time it seems. Young women don't want to be tied down in a relationship with an older guy. Its kind of a symbiotic relationship. There is a lot of the older-mentor type love happening too. Guys like to teach women stuff.

 

 

 

Oh yep and looks, they matter. But sometimes it gets ignored if the love is strong.

 

 

How many young women, besides those paid to be prostitutes/sugar babies, ACTUALLY go around consistently hooking up with men in their 40s and older, though? I've never really seen it happen. All the young women I've known who are interested in (unpaid) casual sex with lots of different partners, tend to prefer men closer to their age.

[BluEyeL]

One of my good friends mom is 82 and just married an 85 yo

[LuckyM]

I agree with stillafool. It's looks more than anything that would make someone feel invisible or be perceived that way by men. The older, the more so--unless you are among people your own age and looks. People can feel invisible at almost any age, even young. I have felt so if I go to places where there are mostly people 30-40 or more years younger than me. So I avoid those places.

If you are a great conversationalist or speaker, people notice.

Nudist clubs are mostly older folks, you really won't be invisible there!!

If you are a good volunteer serving others, people might notice. (Not ushering)

[NuevoYorko]

Women in the early 40's are established, they know what they want in life. While this would all seem positive, Its not what men look for alot of the time when they hit 40.

Adult men don't look for women who know what they want in life? Where do you live??

 

I don't disagree that youth often brings the heights of beauty. Heck yeah. That said, I'm not a fan of spending much time with people who don't know what they want in life anymore now that I do know what I want. Life's too short and anyway been there done that.

[central]

It's less about age, than looks. Of course, a young man may find older women - even attractive ones - relatively invisible. At my age, women more than a few years older than me are off my radar unless they are unusually attractive for their age, or I know them in another context.

[FMW]

OP, I think, is just under 50, I don't think she's worried about being invisible to 20 and 30 something guys.

 

Sure there are some 50+ year old guys that will only look at young hot chicks, but I'm betting she's not worried about attracting THEM either. I think she's probably into guys a little deeper than that.

 

Again, from personal experience - my own and my friends'- age alone doesn't have to be a problem. She just needs to be interested and involved in life, and of course, not dressing like a grandma.

Edited October 6, 2018 by Finding my way

[alphamale]

It's less about age, than looks. Of course, a young man may find older women - even attractive ones - relatively invisible. At my age, women more than a few years older than me are off my radar unless they are unusually attractive for their age, or I know them in another context.

 

exactly what type of context would that be??

[alphamale]

One of my good friends mom is 82 and just married an 85 yo

 

you know as well as i do that getting married at that age range is extremely rare

[BluEyeL]

you know as well as i do that getting married at that age range is extremely rare

 

So what ? My mentality is always if it’s possible why not me? It surely helps more than mopping around and feeling defeated. Lots of people told me it’s impossible for me to do this or that. And then bitterly told me how lucky I was to get those things. If you think it’s hard or impossible to do something surely you won’t achieve that.

 

If you feel you have low chances at dating you will project an insecure vibe and will pick lousy people just for some attention. There are plenty of men available at every age. That’s the attitude she needs ! Not low self esteem!

 

When I was single, the first few months I had this sad way about me, not confident and dating didn’t go so well. I worked on myself , changed the attitude and dating went dramatically better.

Edited October 7, 2018 by BluEyeL

[Mysterio]

I have a female friend that is around 67 or so. I think she is sexy and hot. She has a BF. If they ever broke up and she wanted to have some fun. If I was single. I doubt I would say no. For me its about her face more than body. I love her laugh/face/voice.

 

Some women still have it. I told her once a long time ago that I was sexually attracted to her. We are close. She says she knows that already and seemed happy about it.

 

I almost think that at age 47. I would want a woman 37 above. Rare do I like a woman under 30 looks wise. I see 20 as unstable for the most part as they should be. So its 27 to 70 I guess if they keep up their energy up. As well I plan to do so.

 

At the end of the day its all about connection.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I agree with stillafool. It's looks more than anything that would make someone feel invisible or be perceived that way by men. The older, the more so--unless you are among people your own age and looks. People can feel invisible at almost any age, even young. I have felt so if I go to places where there are mostly people 30-40 or more years younger than me. So I avoid those places.

If you are a great conversationalist or speaker, people notice.

Nudist clubs are mostly older folks, you really won't be invisible there!!

If you are a good volunteer serving others, people might notice. (Not ushering)

 

I’m not sure a nudist camp is a place I can see myself but volunteer activities are a great idea.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

OP, I think, is just under 50, I don't think she's worried about being invisible to 20 and 30 something guys.

 

Sure there are some 50+ year old guys that will only look at young hot chicks, but I'm betting she's not worried about attracting THEM either. I think she's probably into guys a little deeper than that.

 

Again, from personal experience - my own and my friends'- age alone doesn't have to be a problem. She just needs to be interested and involved in life, and of course, not dressing like a grandma.

 

This is exactly the case FindingMyWay and while I’m not a “10” to use some of the folks here on LS use to describe themselves or others, I can still wear a 2 piece, have Botox and other treatments and many people are stunned when they find out how old I am. There is no short grandmother perm , I have almost waist length blonde hair. I’m certainly not interested in 20 or 30 year olds finding me “hot” and likewise I’m not interested in a man who wants to hookup or “teach me something”. Although I have advanced degrees I also don’t want to “teach any man anything”.

 

I’m like Finding said just going through a divorce on a very short second marriage which I thought was going to be forever and although I don’t think I want to ever marry again, I am feeling like I’ve lost my identity a bit, lost visibility after having been assimilated into being Dr. And Mrs. So and So.

 

I don’t know where to put me and I need to create a new life for myself which is scary and exciting too. A self fulfilling life in the first instance and then I’d like to date perhaps, I like company and conversation but I’m most interested in how not to feel invisible to myself and those around me. I was so wrapped up in STBEXH life that was almost my identity.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

So what ? My mentality is always if it’s possible why not me? It surely helps more than mopping around and feeling defeated. Lots of people told me it’s impossible for me to do this or that. And then bitterly told me how lucky I was to get those things. If you think it’s hard or impossible to do something surely you won’t achieve that.

 

If you feel you have low chances at dating you will project an insecure vibe and will pick lousy people just for some attention. There are plenty of men available at every age. That’s the attitude she needs ! Not low self esteem!

 

When I was single, the first few months I had this sad way about me, not confident and dating didn’t go so well. I worked on myself , changed the attitude and dating went dramatically better.

 

This is a great motivational post. This is my new motto for the week @why not me?” Because it has to be someone for everything, every job, every opportunity so “why not me?” I have just as much or sometimes more to offer than the next person. Thank you Blu

[BluEyeL]

Based on what you said about the way you look, you'll not have issues with dating at all, if that's what you want to do!

 

It's surely a big dissapointment to have your second marriage fail, but life goes on and I'm sure you're better off, otherwise you'd still be married!

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Based on what you said about the way you look, you'll not have issues with dating at all, if that's what you want to do!

 

It's surely a big dissapointment to have your second marriage fail, but life goes on and I'm sure you're better off, otherwise you'd still be married!

 

Thank you Blu but a man who is interested in me for looks alone is not a man I would be interested in. Kindness, education (self or formal), morals, respectfulness and humour and humility are what top my list.

[BluEyeL]

Thank you Blu but a man who is interested in me for looks alone is not a man I would be interested in. Kindness, education (self or formal), morals, respectfulness and humour and humility are what top my list.

 

I know but I meant you’ll not be invisible .

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I know but I meant you’ll not be invisible .

 

Like you said, when your confidence has taken a knock it can be a vibe that one puts out. I appreciate your and FindingMyWay’s posts because they make me feel like I can feel alive again!

 

“Why NOT me?”

[Peppa]

After all of the terrible things your STBX husband has said and done to you, I think you should take some time to embrace your newfound freedom. Take a break and enjoy being single. You most certainly deserve it.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

After all of the terrible things your STBX husband has said and done to you, I think you should take some time to embrace your newfound freedom. Take a break and enjoy being single. You most certainly deserve it.

 

I do plan on taking at least a year to find out who I am as a woman again and connecting with the world.

[Chilli]

Like you said, when your confidence has taken a knock it can be a vibe that one puts out. I appreciate your and FindingMyWay’s posts because they make me feel like I can feel alive again!

 

“Why NOT me?”

 

 

 

Don't you worry about a thing pretty lady and least of all invisible.Yaknow , just about everyone feels all this stuff and doubts when we go through the bs and it is hard to shake , takes time, but life's full of new surprises around every corner.

You got so much to offer some very lucky very smart man out there and yourself and life.

Be gentle on you , take some time , good things are coming.

[brigit87]

I see invisible men

 

LOL! Yeah me to.

 

Seriously, in our unconscious brains it's all about procreation. If a man or a woman look as if they'd be a good mate to create a healthy strong and beautiful child they get more attention.

 

So when a woman looks like she's past childbearing years men won't look at her so much.

 

When a guy is all grey'd out and looks physically weak women won't look at him so much.

 

 

That's the way it is.

[thefooloftheyear]

LOL! Yeah me to.

 

Seriously, in our unconscious brains it's all about procreation. If a man or a woman look as if they'd be a good mate to create a healthy strong and beautiful child they get more attention.

 

So when a woman looks like she's past childbearing years men won't look at her so much.

 

When a guy is all grey'd out and looks physically weak women won't look at him so much.

 

 

That's the way it is.

 

While this is generally true, older guys get "points" for stuff that women don't or can't...

 

A successful/wealthy older guy can pull from a wide variety of women...Even though we have gone to a more equalized society, many(most?) women see successful older guys as a catch-even if they don't quite have the looks anymore....>Also,. you have some older guys that are strong Alpha's that still pull more and higher quality women than their looks/age would normally be capable of...

 

Unfortunately for women,. it usually falls back to looks/body...Older women that keep themselves fit, don't chop their hair off and don't look matronly/old still can stay in the game, if that's their goal...I know older guys that wont give these women a second look(the one's that let themselves go)...They'll try for the better looking ones or try younger...

 

Sobering? Maybe ....But look at the bright side...you get to live longer...

 

TFY

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I’m not sure what the benefit is if having a significantly younger woman is for the woman. If a man is 55 and gets a 30-35 year old the likelihood of that relationship going past 10 years is slim I would imagine. I don’t kno many late 30’s early 40’s ladies who want to look after a 65+ year old man.

 

In other (not media worthy news) I have joined a hiking club and signed up for Yoga Instructors training which begins in November. I’ve practiced Ashtanga yoga for some years and thought it would be fun to teach it to others. It’s a big commitment: 1000 hours of training but it is good for me and indulges a hobby. I have also been walking daily and enjoying the crisper weather!

[elaine567]

While this is generally true, older guys get "points" for stuff that women don't or can't...

 

A successful/wealthy older guy can pull from a wide variety of women...Even though we have gone to a more equalized society, many(most?) women see successful older guys as a catch-even if they don't quite have the looks anymore....>Also,. you have some older guys that are strong Alpha's that still pull more and higher quality women than their looks/age would normally be capable of...

 

Unfortunately for women,. it usually falls back to looks/body...Older women that keep themselves fit, don't chop their hair off and don't look matronly/old still can stay in the game, if that's their goal...I know older guys that wont give these women a second look(the one's that let themselves go)...They'll try for the better looking ones or try younger...

 

Sobering? Maybe ....But look at the bright side...you get to live longer...

 

TFY

 

Belle is an "older" woman, so what are you really trying to say here?

That she take up knitting and leave romance to the under 40s, as the "sobering" reality is that "quality" older men deserve a whole lot better???

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

Belle is an "older" woman, so what are you really trying to say here?

That she take up knitting and leave romance to the under 40s, as the "sobering" reality is that "quality" older men deserve a whole lot better???

 

I’m not quite ready to leave life to the under 40’s Elaine you are quite right and made me smile too.

 

I have to say older men have things that gravity affect as well and I can tell you (as STBXH is circa 15 years older than me) it’s not a turn on, and he’s in great shape with a bf of 19%. Gravity and Mother Nature catch up with all of us, and not in an extreme way but I subscribe to Dolly Parton’s credo, “if it’s sagging, bagging or dragging, I’ll have it nipped, tucked or sucked” now I m still at the nose job, Botox, filler and implants state, but that’s where it will end. I dress well and try to keep my weight reasonable but I’m not going to have 8 face lifts like Joan Rivers. I’m just shy of 50 and have independent income and can look after myself. If that means doing my regular profession, teaching yoga and being an emergency foster parent with no man in my life and just good amazing friends then I’ll be quite fulfilled. There’s no room in my life for someone who is more worried about my birthday then if I’m a wonderful person.