I am new and jsut a question...

[Eaglepa]

Hello everyone. I have been reading the forum for a little bit and thought I would join and say hello. Little backround on myself, Married for 15 years, two kids. Wife and I are pretty happy together, we have had are rough spots, mostly her doing, but thats for later. Are sex life has always been different but we have always tried to work things out, and for the most part it works. But lately, I am jsut tried of tring. Dont get me wrong, we have sex for the most part twice a week, I want more, but she dosent, once a month would be great for her. Our compromise is twice a week. She is a stay at home mom but works part time and now is in her JR year of college. I am very proud of her, but supporting her through this time is very hard. Basicly she forget about me. Not the kids and stuff around the house, she just dosent have time for me. That could me simple stuff like, just having coffee in the morning, she can't she is studying.....SO much more to say but to my point. After 15 years I am just tried of being the bad guy about sex issues, and her lack of sex drive. To the point I think I would just like to take a break from sex (sounds weird I know) but figure if I dont ask then I would be the bad guy for asking. Its not that I dont want too, but I am just tried of the feeling she is only doing it becuase she feels its her duty. But I do know it will take two weeks before she notices and then at that point the arguing well start and I will be the bad guy. Sounds silly I know, BUt I think I am really ready for a break from all this crap.....

 

Ok, before all the normal responses.

 

Yes, I have talked with her about it.

 

We just have different drives in this area....and different ideas about sex....

 

So am I just being silly in this area ?

[portableversion]

Don't have sex. Period. Maybe she'll notice, maybe she won't. Maybe if you back off, she'll actually want to do it. Humans are funny in that way-if they are pressured into doing something, they won't want to do it. But if they are left to their own devices, they come around.

 

IMO, sex is overrated. WAY overrated. Why do we waste so much time discussing and fomenting about something that takes so little time (orgasams last less than a minute)

 

You do have options, and they are:

 

Have an affair/get a hooker

Get divorced

Be happy with 'duty' sex

Rape her at will

Or deal with it and masturbate.

 

These are your ONLY options. Good Luck.

[Lil Honey]

Eaglepa:

 

Going to school and having kids is very stressful - for her AND the rest of the family. You said that her time is taken up with studying and she has no time for you.

 

First, is she using "I'm studying" as an excuse not to spend time with you?

 

Second, since she has studying to do, it stands to reason that everything else she does has to be compressed into a smaller amount of time. Is it possible for you to lighten her load? You could take the kids out for an hour or two in the evening during the week or for part of the day on the weekends.

 

Third, the entire family could probably use a bit of time management tweaking. Make sure that you have a big calendar with appointments, classes, and chores on it. (Some dollar stores have plain, big calendars with plenty of writing space for . . . hmmmm . . . a dollar! LOL) If the kids are old enough to do simple chores, now is a good time to teach them responsibility.

 

Fourth, if you want her to enjoy sex, you need to make it enjoyable for her. Just saying, "Let's do it," is not going to put her in the mood. Both of you need to do loving things for each other every day, so that when the time presents itself, both of you already feel loved and valued. For example, there is a huge difference between how some men and how some women interpret a hug. There are guys who think a hug is a precursor to sex. Some women simpy want a hug to feel loved. That's all. Sex is not an issue, only the hug is.

 

You may have talked about the frequency of sex with her, but have the two of you talked to each other about other things in life that are important to each of you? All of us here now know that having coffee in the morning is important to YOU. Does SHE know that? What is there about HER life that is important that YOU don't know about? I think it's time that the two of you find out what makes the other person feel good, special and loved.