Jmina Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 I need somewhere to post so I don’t text my ex. He only left me today. It’s blurred between a break & a breakup. Says he needs time to think. Anyway this is what’s inside me. I miss you so much already Klaus is bittersweet he reminds me of you & it’s really Comforting to have him but also he reminds me of you and what We’ve lost. I feel like we’ve lost everything together. I feel like you’ve lost too. Thank you for trying I miss you J I can’t stop thinking about our recent plans our new home? The ring you wanted to get me? The thing that sucks the most is I’ve given ALL my music to you. Every Decent love song that there is I’ve given to you. I feel like there’s Nothing left. We only just recently connected over music again And it was so strong you said one of them would be our wedding Song. Oh J It pains me you’re in turmoil. It pains me that you feel like your life is ****. I don’t want you to hurt. I want you to be happy. If I ever move on, and someone shares a song with me I just know We’ve already been there. I miss you holding me. Did I do too much? Did I go into the over doing it zone? I recently Learnt that if a woman does too much it can turn off her husband Because it’s masculine energy to give & men only fall in love when They can give. Do you think this is true? I am in such a weird place because I completely adore you & only dream of having you by my side again but the trust is gone now. I know I can’t take you back. you would have to prove it and try very hard to make me feel secure enough...and you’re not confident enough to do that. You’re not patient enough to do that. I know you’ll give up. Won’t you? Why don’t you love me anymore? You say you do but you have these other feelings that makes you want to be on your own. I loved you so much and I know you adored me. I really love you & love that I got to have you so close for nearly 5 years. Thank you God for letting me love J. Please help me now it’s done jmina For readers, Klaus was our first kitten we got together. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 I'm sorry you are hurting but I applaud you for getting your feelings out in this constructive way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 You fell out of love cause you couldn’t give anymore could you? You literally broke your right arm and I had to do everything I couldn’t work plus I wasn’t working and made it more stressful. As I just went to turn my night light off I felt your arm slide under my shoulders ready to pull me in. You’re not there but I feel you so strong. You’ve been giving me your Xmas list just last week and asked me for my birthday list...you said you’ve planned a birthday for me? How and why if you wanted to leave??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 And wait, just last week you said oh if we met in school I definitely would have liked you...while looking over my old photos. I don’t get it you have been so I don’t know acting like you want me? You’ll be back won’t you Will I say yes???? you broke my heart twice. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 I’m so sorry my friend. Big hugs for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2018 Author Share Posted October 2, 2018 It’s the morning after. Day 1 debilitated. I feel so depressed that you ended it. That you didn’t want our relationship. Me. I feel so low. You’re picking up your stuff today. I’ll be hiding in my room. Probably crying as I hear your car pull up. Will you keep his name buddy that I named him just a fortnight ago Leaving our relationship to find happiness feels extremely selfish - relationships ebb and flow, we have times that don’t feel great, it’s all balance, we could have stuck it through couldn’t we? You threw so much away Because of depression. One friend said it’s hideously cruel that you left a loving supportive relationship where i helped you come to terms with yourself about your gender transition. You promised it wouldn’t break us up. I think it has. I trusted you. I loved you. I love you I hate what you’ve done. But as you said you can’t help how your heart feels. It’s a fickle heart though. What if we were married? We were meant to be married. I really thought you were going to marry me. I feel depressed today So much because of what was done but even more because I feel like if you sorted stuff and wanted to try again, I don’t think I could take you back. The realisation that it’s really over is debilitating. I can’t get out of bed I don’t want to do anything My friend said do the basics Brush teeth Eat Shower exercise Walk I feel twisted & broken like my limbs don’t actually work I feel like I’m dreaming? Oh J What happened to us Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2018 Author Share Posted October 2, 2018 I saw you and you were crying. You picked up your things and left. You spoke to my dad. You put flowers & xxx in our texts. You said you just need time. You also said you don’t know what the future holds. Are you trying to move on from me? Or are you trying to possibly save us? You said it’s hard for you too. Is it as hard as it is for me? I know you really want to live alone for a while & you’re not ready. How can you be not ready 4.5 years in? Will you ever be ready for me? I know that I want you. What else have you got to do to be ready? Is it about Inner happiness? When you get happy maybe you won’t want me anymore. I know you miss me too but there’s two types of missing. The type when you’re okay with it cause you know it’s what you want and the type when you’re not okay with it because it’s not what you want. You’re the first one I’m the seconds. I need to stop messaging you for a while. We spoke after you came here but now I need to try focus back on me again. Music makes me cry Telling people makes me cry Thinking too much makes me break then cry Just told my mum about somewhere she can buy a book she wants but I only know about it because we went there last week That made me cry. All our bar snacks I was so enjoying being at the bar with you. Just last Monday ??? we were playing at the bar with Quinn and you charged her 5 cents play money for her drink which she happily spent and you winked at me and said I didn’t need money. Baaaaabe ? I really thought things were okay Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2018 Author Share Posted October 2, 2018 I need to talk to you about the bar I really loved it you made me feel things for u why do that if you’re hearts not in it?? It’s my birthday soon Babe I can’t believe this?? You doted on me I was your beautiful fiancé you always said it You said our love was forever and eternal. You told me today you love me but didn’t want to talk about it I know you need space that’s why I’m talking here while I have tears streaming down my face. I honestly don’t know how I am going to do this?!!!?!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2018 Author Share Posted October 2, 2018 God What is wrong with me? How can I be so cut up over someone... You don’t seem worth my tears if you’re not crying too Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 2, 2018 Author Share Posted October 2, 2018 I’ve decided it’s enough relying on you to feel good and safe. I’ve asked G about going to church I’ve asked A about social groups I’ve asked R about that job offer I declined. I’m feeling better about myself these days I’ve lost weight My health is better I’m ready and can see I need to participate in life again. I hope you will be able to join me and be by my side one day Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 I woke up to you knocking on my window... You don’t want to give up ? Link to post Share on other sites
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