Telling a man you only want to be friends

[hotpotato]

What do you say?

It seems like everything a woman says to a man means she low key wants him (want to be platonic, want to cuddle, don't want sex, want to talk, etc).

[d0nnivain]

It's not so much what you say but how you act. Stand away from him. Don't touch. Don't act flirty. Stick to neutral or masculine subjects.

[hotpotato]

It's not so much what you say but how you act. Stand away from him. Don't touch. Don't act flirty. Stick to neutral or masculine subjects.

 

I had a guy admit say he felt he was annoying me but still somehow thought I was down for sex, in a ransom place no less. I've known guys who I wasn't flirty with at all, but they'd still go straight for the sex. Frankly, I've found the best way to have male friends is over the net.

 

I made this thread out of confusion. I see in one thread people saying a woman shouldnt assume a man wants her *just because* they are alone. There may be some innocent sounding invitation. In another thread, people mostly agree that casual spending time with a,man means sex regardless of how innocent the invitation is (talk, watch movie, etc).

[Veronica73]

I had a guy admit say he felt he was annoying me but still somehow thought I was down for sex, in a ransom place no less. I've known guys who I wasn't flirty with at all, but they'd still go straight for the sex. Frankly, I've found the best way to have male friends is over the net.

 

I made this thread out of confusion. I see in one thread people saying a woman shouldnt assume a man wants her *just because* they are alone. There may be some innocent sounding invitation. In another thread, people mostly agree that casual spending time with a,man means sex regardless of how innocent the invitation is (talk, watch movie, etc).

 

I don’t know which threads to which you are referring, but it seems to me there is a group of posters who tend to have fairly rigid beliefs about gender roles. They tend to believe they know what all women or all men want and think. They are probably the ones that think a man and woman spending time alone together means sex.

 

Then there are people who have much less rigid beliefs about gender roles and believe people are individuals more than just their gender, and they seem to be the ones that would say women shouldn’t assume a man wants her just because they are alone.

[hotpotato]

I don’t know which threads to which you are referring, but it seems to me there is a group of posters who tend to have fairly rigid beliefs about gender roles. They tend to believe they know what all women or all men want and think. They are probably the ones that think a man and woman spending time alone together means sex.

 

Then there are people who have much less rigid beliefs about gender roles and believe people are individuals more than just their gender, and they seem to be the ones that would say women shouldn’t assume a man wants her just because they are alone.

 

I in theory do think a man and woman can be just friends, but my experience says otherwise. I've had so many men invite me over to talk or watch a movie aka sex, and on. I remember asking one guy about whether we could just watch a movie. He said, "If you come over, we're having sex!"

 

In my experience, men seem to be very liberal with the sex and assume that being alone with them in various capacities must mean she wants sex. There's a thread in which the guys says they use innocent invitations to get a girl alone. They both know it means sex supposedly. I've gone over to a man's house to watch a movie, and they'd get angry when I didn't want sex.

 

 

I guess the most succinct way to put this thread is

What does a woman say if she really does want to watch a movie? What if she does just want to talk or cook? If a woman says "talk" or "cook" that supposedly means sex.

 

At this point I'm past having male friends in real life. If i did get a male friend in real life, id pick someone i wanted to have sex with. It's most backfired on me, but I'm genuinely curious.

[PRW]

At this point I'm past having male friends in real life. If i did get a male friend in real life, id pick someone i wanted to have sex with. It's most backfired on me, but I'm genuinely curious.

Friends is different than a "buddy" that you hang out with daily. If you want a guy like that find a Beta Make Orbiter. They want to be more than friends but they would never say anything or do anything about it. If you don't know what a Beta Male Orbiter is,..."google" it.

 

Otherwise your male "friends" are going to have to be Group Friends that you only see or hang out in when in a group.

 

I, as a guy, have had women as friends that I hung out with a lot. But I always wanted more than friendship when I first met them, and then only resigned to just friends after it was clear I wasn't getting any more than that. Now that I am a little older and wiser, I keep the previous "friends" that I've had (because things are already established and "set in") but spend less time with them and avoid creating "new" ones of that nature. All "new" women friends are always in a group setting and I limit the amount of alone time I spend with them. I only spend more alone time with them if I am honest with myself and admit I want more than that and am prepared to offer a "date" to them as soon as possible.

 

The only other exception of me having women friends is if I had already been on dates with them and then we called it off (but remained friendly),...or if I offered them a date and they declined (but remained friendly). In any case the point is that the Non-Platonic stuff was dealt with first and the friendship came later as a "default" after the romantic part had been dealt with.

 

I also avoid hanging out privately with women I am not interested in if I feel they might become interested in me and I don't want them to get interested.

Edited October 1, 2018 by PRW

[preraph]

Well, your question startled me because it seems obvious that if you only want a man for a platonic friend, you don't flirt or cuddle at all. And you don't make them think they're special by telling them your deepest darkest thoughts or talking about sex or what you want in a guy. A guy friend, you should have a common interest, or what is the point, and that is what you should talk about. You shouldn't be snuggling up on the couch with them and netflix and chilling. It's too intimate. And you shouldn't share a bed with them or let them sleep in the same room. Because all of these things have given men false hope.

[No_Go]

It's not so much what you say but how you act. Stand away from him. Don't touch. Don't act flirty. Stick to neutral or masculine subjects.

 

100% this. I find relationship defining talks passion killers even for platonic friendship. Show him by your behavior and if and only if he asks - you need to verbally clarify. Maybe he’s not interested if ‘high key’ relationship anyway.

 

Cuddling and NO sex IMO is playing games. Either be physical, or be platonic.

[carhill]

What do you say?

 

Most common thing I heard was 'I don't like you that way'

 

Nothing else really needed to be said.

[hotpotato]

Well, your question startled me because it seems obvious that if you only want a man for a platonic friend, you don't flirt or cuddle at all. And you don't make them think they're special by telling them your deepest darkest thoughts or talking about sex or what you want in a guy. A guy friend, you should have a common interest, or what is the point, and that is what you should talk about. You shouldn't be snuggling up on the couch with them and netflix and chilling. It's too intimate. And you shouldn't share a bed with them or let them sleep in the same room. Because all of these things have given men false hope.

 

I said I didn't flirt. I haven't tried to cuddle with a man in maybe 10 years? As far as a movie, I can sit there and watch a movie with him and be fine. I'd be fine with going over to a man's house and actually talking, cooking, or watching a movie. Frankly, I've had very few men try to flirt with me before sex, or i flirted with them. Guys go from 0 yo 60.