Men: how good are you at sensing when a woman isn't into you?

[Hopeful30]

When on a date, can you detect if a woman's decided she doesn't like you? We've all experienced dates when early on it's blatantly obvious to us whether or not we feel a compatibility. How good at you at detecting if a woman decides you're not compatible / she's not that into you? Even if she continues to be polite and finishes the date without any obvious signs?

[Woggle]

I can't explain it but I know. You can just feel it.

[dispatch3d]

I usually have no idea - asking for a second date is completely based on do I want to put myself out there to possibly get rejected again, or would I rather just not risk it....

 

I'm sure other guys are different...

[max3732]

When on a date, can you detect if a woman's decided she doesn't like you? We've all experienced dates when early on it's blatantly obvious to us whether or not we feel a compatibility. How good at you at detecting if a woman decides you're not compatible / she's not that into you? Even if she continues to be polite and finishes the date without any obvious signs?

 

It depends, but in general I can't tell. If she's being polite, laughing and friendly I don't know how to tell. If she's distant and not very engaging I can tell there is no chemistry.

[Lotsgoingon]

These days I can often tell that the woman is interested because ironically I myself am having a blast hanging with them or talking to them. If I'm having a great time, I have found that usually the date is having a great time as well and likes me.

 

I have to say: this was quite the challenge when I was younger and would meet someone and my head and hopes would get way ahead of things. Now I know how to relax with someone and give the interaction space for them to show interest.

 

And my intuition is way better at determining interest than is my rational brain. If I start calculating things, and trying to add up clues ... and I like the person (biasing the conclusion) ... I'm often mislead into thinking they like me when they don't.

[Sunlight72]

It depends, but in general I can't tell. If she's being polite, laughing and friendly I don't know how to tell. If she's distant and not very engaging I can tell there is no chemistry.

Exactly this.

[Happy Lemming]

If she doesn't try to keep the conversation going... If she gives short answers without adding anything to the conversation. Then I know she doesn't want to be on a date with me, so I won't ask her out again.

 

Like "Woggle" stated... You just know.

[Woggle]

There is an unmistakable vibe you get when a woman is into you and it can't explained but men who have dated a lot or have observed relationships know what it is. You just see the love and attraction in her eyes and hear it in her voice and sense it in her actions. If that is not there she is not into you.

[newyorker11356]

It depends, but in general I can't tell. If she's being polite, laughing and friendly I don't know how to tell. If she's distant and not very engaging I can tell there is no chemistry.

 

This.

 

Before my current girlfriend, I had dates go where they were polite, laughing, friendly, keeping the convo going, asking questions back, etc.

 

Yet, still not ended up getting another date.

 

I think contrary to what some people may say, you really don't know what the other person is thinking. You may THINK you know - but really don't.

[Eternal Sunshine]

There should be a vibe of something more than just laughing and good conversation. ..that's being a decent person when you are on a date.

 

 

I personally think that men are really bad at this. Every man that I know tends to overestimate my interest in him. I don't even want to know what men that I'm actually interested in think.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have neither capability...And I have never been on a date with a "maybe"...

 

TFY

[snowboy91]

If you relax with someone and let things unfold naturally, you'll find out sooner or later (usually sooner). If they're laughing, enjoying your company and you can just "feel" it, she's probably into you. If she gives one word responses, doesn't take an interest in you, etc then you can safely bet they're not into you.

 

I always err on the side of caution - if I have any doubt if they are into me or not, they probably aren't. Although it does run the risk of missed opportunities - I'll later find out they were actually into me but I was oblivious to their flirting.

 

So to summarise, I'm good at sensing if a woman isn't into me. But I'm terrible at sensing if a woman IS into me.

[jjb117]

Other than saying “I just know” I’ll give you some examples.

 

1. If the conversation is choppy. It seems like you’re doing all the talking and she’s not involved in the conversation. It almost seems like an interrogation. Question answer, another question, another answer. But you don’t build off of that. She never asks YOU a question. Mainly because she doesn’t care. she doesn’t tell you a story, she doesn’t share her personal life. She remains a mystery. She laughs at times, probably to be polite but you could tell it’s fake. She may look at her phone. She may look at other people. She may fidget. Basically anything that indicates her being uncomfortable.

 

2. No physical contact. She doesn’t reach out for your harm. Tap you on the back. Push you playfully. Doesn’t play with her hair. Keeps her hands by her side. Looks reserved, tight. Basically no invitation for you to touch her. NEVER touch a girl first if she doesn’t at least touch you. And if you do, and she nudges the other way, then stop. It doesn’t get much clearer than that.

 

3. She ends it after dinner. There is no advancement on her part to continue the date. She may even pay for her own food, to prove to you and herself that this wasn’t a date (if you were friends beforehand). Then once you say goodbye, there’s no kiss, and maybe an awkward hug. You may even get a handshake. At that point, you should look back and see what you did wrong.

 

4. She takes forever to respond. You aren’t a priority to her, just something to fall back on. She may text you for an ego boost and then disappear. Flirt, set up a date but have no desire to actually see you. Maybe she just likes to flirt. The moment you start questioning her interest level, the more likely she isn’t interested in the first place.

 

That’s just a few examples that I could come up with.

[Logo]

Other than saying “I just know” I’ll give you some examples.

 

1. If the conversation is choppy. It seems like you’re doing all the talking and she’s not involved in the conversation. It almost seems like an interrogation. Question answer, another question, another answer. But you don’t build off of that. She never asks YOU a question. Mainly because she doesn’t care. she doesn’t tell you a story, she doesn’t share her personal life. She remains a mystery. She laughs at times, probably to be polite but you could tell it’s fake. She may look at her phone. She may look at other people. She may fidget. Basically anything that indicates her being uncomfortable.

 

2. No physical contact. She doesn’t reach out for your harm. Tap you on the back. Push you playfully. Doesn’t play with her hair. Keeps her hands by her side. Looks reserved, tight. Basically no invitation for you to touch her. NEVER touch a girl first if she doesn’t at least touch you. And if you do, and she nudges the other way, then stop. It doesn’t get much clearer than that.

 

3. She ends it after dinner. There is no advancement on her part to continue the date. She may even pay for her own food, to prove to you and herself that this wasn’t a date (if you were friends beforehand). Then once you say goodbye, there’s no kiss, and maybe an awkward hug. You may even get a handshake. At that point, you should look back and see what you did wrong.

 

4. She takes forever to respond. You aren’t a priority to her, just something to fall back on. She may text you for an ego boost and then disappear. Flirt, set up a date but have no desire to actually see you. Maybe she just likes to flirt. The moment you start questioning her interest level, the more likely she isn’t interested in the first place.

 

That’s just a few examples that I could come up with.

 

A person can also do everything right and there would still be no attraction because it’s all about comparability.

 

Saying that someone should look back and think about what he did wrong is wrong.

[Larry56]

Good question!

 

I like this sort of stuff.

 

 

Well...what I notice with women who aren't particularly interested in *me* is;

 

(and some people have stated this)

 

1.) Not much talking on her part. More of a neutral look about her. Doesn't seem to care much. Doesn't ask alot of questions. I think that ones fairly obvious.

 

2.) Actually talks alot! In fact what you find with women who will dismiss you quite early on in the interaction is that they are quite comfortable to talk to you about anything! because in their mind they have disqualified you already as a potential partner...you'll find they will seem very interested in the conversation going because...they at least can get a good interaction out of it. So someone who suddenly doesn't have a filter is actually someone who will turn you down. I have experienced this a few times. Threw me off too.

 

3.) Wants to pay for her share. Doesn't allow you to pay for her. I suspect they do this so they don't feel a responsibility to engage with you in the future...since...they payed for their own food it means in their mind it wasn't technically romantic or a real date LOL. I really don't care, but I noticed that one.

[Logo]

When on a date, can you detect if a woman's decided she doesn't like you? We've all experienced dates when early on it's blatantly obvious to us whether or not we feel a compatibility. How good at you at detecting if a woman decides you're not compatible / she's not that into you? Even if she continues to be polite and finishes the date without any obvious signs?

 

Body language, eye contact, tone of voice, conversation cues, the sparkle in her eyes. Her heart rate, the smell of her pheromones. She plays with her hair a lot, calls you a baaaad boy. You get the idea.

[Chilli]

Usually l'd know in seconds.

But eh , there was always one that was a little hard to figure out.

[coolheadal]

When on a date, can you detect if a woman's decided she doesn't like you? We've all experienced dates when early on it's blatantly obvious to us whether or not we feel a compatibility. How good at you at detecting if a woman decides you're not compatible / she's not that into you? Even if she continues to be polite and finishes the date without any obvious signs?

 

1. Does she look into your eyes

2. Does she care to keep the conversation going

3. Does she seems like she really into liking you already.

 

Before I go on any date I need to get the feeling it's going to work out.

 

In 2016 I had taken a different approach be bit more aggressive with one woman. She kept on stalling me about taking her out. When I had said this "listen up when you feel you have some time for us to meetup you let me know otherwise I have better things to do than just sit and wait for you to get it together!

 

To my surprise that worked! Meet her at a one of the largest malls at Thai Restaurant. I couldn't even find her yet? She wasn't even there yet stuck in traffic. When she had made it she was a wow wee! She was smiling as well. We had a blast, laugh and talk. Great time after that we drove around in her car (she rented it for our first date) We had so much fun that night as well the date carried on and on never lead up. That night at her apartment I told I have to go. Time we shared was the best time. She asked me to spend the night I said yes..

 

Mine you all this on the first date, first time meeting her.. Next day we had breakfast and the rest lasted beyond that. I am not with her today but she was fun when it was good for us both.

 

Other times you know when it doesn't work out and they just want to be your friends. Most dates I got out and I remembered one woman I met for a date at her gated condo on Oct 31st 2016. She was wearing a tight leopard skin costume with long tail sticking out her derriere. That date I had prepared a full course lunch meal. I had made homemade biscuits, 15 hour soup, she made the salad. I didn't know her 20 year old son lives with her he had joined in. He said he like the food I brought over. She had a 16 old son too living with her and room mate she rented out her master bedroom as apart for this guy who lives there. She sleeps with her 16 old in his room they both have queen size beds. In my head I was wondering how I would fit into this crowded condo. What else could go wrong..

 

But I soon realize she wasn't really into me, her true side came out after coming back from the dollar dreams store. She and I wasn't a good match I could see that now. She kept harping on her ex husband. I tried to make it work but I see it wasn't going to where I would want to stay. Tried to watch a movie I had brought over for our first date. Complex date and so many guys there her two sons live with her and the room mate guy too. I can see she wasn't really into me or interested like she was on the phone.

 

So that's how you can tell at first. I told her I wasn't going to take her out for Halloween because I didn't feel it was right to continue because this wasn't the life for me you have way to much going on here. So upon leaving her at middle of the night. I decided to call another woman I knew and say "hey I am in the area want to go out for Halloween she said yes. There was Halloween party at her older daughters condo. I said sure I'll go I was already wearing my angel of death outfit. Hey it's Halloween!

 

This woman I had called was a good friend she's and I are still friends today. But that's all we can ever be. She had some secrets she didn't reveal the fact that she was still married on our first date. Once I found out and made it as friends going out. Even though at the time she wasn't living with her husband of 30 years, 10 years separated. But still I don't trust her in anything other than just being her best friend. I wanted it that way.

 

But like I said you just have to play your cards right with women you decide to take out on a date. Like I did with the co-worker at my prior job we both had worked together and I felt she was right for me to go out with. First time was out for breakfast that gone well. Second time she came over my house I do deep tissue massages as Reiki Healing Master, but beside all of that she got a excellent massage on my massage table here. I could tell she wanted to be with me and more after she said " can I slip into something more comfortable. I said sure find with me. From that point on it was completely amazing experience. After all that we had officially gone on our first date at Japanese high end buffet for lunch she and so much fun with me that day.

 

Like I said you can tell when they're into you. Today we're still today as a couple. So it goes to show you things can happen when your with the right person you had dated..

 

I share my experiences here to help others going through the same or sort of the same experiences. Just have to have some confidence it will happen for you as well.

Edited October 2, 2018 by coolheadal

[Haydn]

Never actually dated as such.

 

But when previously out on the `Razz` and on the `Pull` With mates.

 

10 seconds is all it takes.

 

As soon as you approach a group of girls and hit one with the line....

 

`Is that seat taken` 10 seconds is all it takes.

 

When that happens you just take the chair back over to your mates.

 

But if you sit down next to her, then all is good and you can proceed to describing how you fill your days. And what kind deals are on at `PC world`

 

Obviously on a bad night (and there were a few)

 

You end up with more chairs than mates.

 

Good luck!

[SevenCity]

For me it’s whether or not they’ll have sex with me.

 

I’ve been on dates where they acted interested (French kissing at the end) and decline a second date.

 

I’ve had others where they didn’t show signs of interest and were not physical at all and we ended up having sex a date or two later.

 

Sometimes it’s obvious as stated in other posts, sometimes it’s not.

[jay1983]

I can usually tell instantly. Only times I've been unsure was with bartenders or servers. It's in their better interest to act as such.

[newyorker11356]

There should be a vibe of something more than just laughing and good conversation. ..that's being a decent person when you are on a date.

 

 

I personally think that men are really bad at this. Every man that I know tends to overestimate my interest in him. I don't even want to know what men that I'm actually interested in think.

 

For me, it's a lot easier to figure out when they're NOT into me.

 

Harder to figure out when they seem like they are.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

There is an unmistakable vibe you get when a woman is into you and it can't explained but men who have dated a lot or have observed relationships know what it is. You just see the love and attraction in her eyes and hear it in her voice and sense it in her actions. If that is not there she is not into you.

 

This, this exactly, I don't think it can be explained much better than this,

There's just this attraction you'll feel, it's really so apparent it's hard to miss,

She'll linger with her gazes, she'll play with her hair and chew on her lips,

She'll want to be close to you and she'll make it happen, it's like the world flips.

[Woggle]

This, this exactly, I don't think it can be explained much better than this,

There's just this attraction you'll feel, it's really so apparent it's hard to miss,

She'll linger with her gazes, she'll play with her hair and chew on her lips,

She'll want to be close to you and she'll make it happen, it's like the world flips.

 

You also see how her face lights up when she sees you and you hear the affection in her voice. When I come home after being away for a while I sense the happiness and it is the same on my end when she comes home after being away.

[alphamale]

i can sense 90% of the time if she is into me or not. the rest of the time i can't tell because she is so good at hiding her true feelings and/or body language...