Was I in the wrong?

[BerryB]

I apologize in advance if this post is a bit all over the place. This my first time doing something like this so I'm not really sure where to start,

 

I have been dating a girl for about 7 months, and those 7 months were some of the happiest I have ever been we got to know each other because we attend the same college.

 

The relationship we had was amazing, she was super honest and chill, my parents loved her and we got along really well.

 

But of course something's got to go wrong. In the first two months I had found from a slip of the tounge by one of our friends that she was already seeing somebody else whilst also being with me, I confronted her about it and she told me she was going to break up with him to be with me, it was nice that she was willing to leave someone else to be with me, but I really think she should have broken off from her current relationship first before getting with me.

 

I was willing to be patient for her to break up with her current partner and so I did, after that we were happy, but of course the cycles gotta continue.

 

As soon as my girlfriend turned 18 I noticed alot of changes, she started to message and call me less and less I found myself being the one to initiate any kind of sexual activity and most of our conversation when messaging each other boiled down to her messaging me once in the morning and once in the evening, if she even did. She was clubbing almost every other day, and she would usually chose to go clubbing rather then spend time with me, I understand that she literally just turned 18 and all, but i didn't think it would affect our relationship this much.

 

Then one day she tells me shes going to go clubbing with her friends and asked to borrow some money, I was happy provide, just as long as she messaged me when she got home so I know that she was safe, The next day I get home after finishing my night shift at work and of course she hasn't messaged me at all I then check Snapchat because that's where she's most active social media wise, I look at her story to check he's safe and it's what you would expect, videos of her dancing and drinking with her friends, I was glad she had a nice time but still miffed that she forgot to message me, I then look at one the friends she went with's story out of curiosity and it was basically the same as my girlfriend's. Except the last two videos which were of my girlfriend cuddling up to some complete stranger getting real touchy feely, and flirting with them and another of her and the stranger getting into a taxi together to go to god knows where.

 

My heart sank at the sight of this, I felt so disrespected. As if I was just some toy that she would just play with when she felt like and if she got bored she could always just get a new toy to play with.

 

Like you'd expect me too I tried calling her a couple times all to no avail, so I just left her a message telling her I wanted to talk. I wait for about 8 hours for her to finally reply to me asking me if it's about the videos, I confirm with her and she tells me she'll talk to me later about it. After seeing this I concluded she knew what she had done and didn't seem like she cared.

 

She doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the next day so I start getting impatient, and message her again telling her how those videos made me feel, and how she has barely shown any sign of trying to sort it out has made me feel.

 

I'm then forced to wait another day for her to finally message me to tell me she couldn't talk to me because she had work and was too tired. I honestly didn't know how to feel about this, like I get that your busy and that can wear you out a bit but if trying to fix your relationship or at least give me some closure on why you did what you did is too much effort for you. Then what the hell am I to you?

 

I tell her exactly those words she then proceeds to use the fact that she broke up with her previous partner to be with me against me, as if that gives her the right to betray any kind of trust I had for her and then has the audacity to tell me that I'm overreacting. And that she was drunk that night and just expects me to get over it because of this.

 

After more childish arguing I decide if she's not even going to take responsibility for what she did and act like a I'm the bad guy then I'm not going to play these games with her anymore. I've already been in multiple relationships where I've been cheated on and taken advantage of, and I'm not going let this happen to me again. In my opinion a relationship is about equal responsibilities and if you're not getting or receiving 100% from your partner.

 

Weve been broken up for a day now and my decisions are really eating me up inside. Was I not in control enough? Was I too harsh on her and should I have given her another chance? I'm really unsure if my actions were just blinded by jelousy and anger and I just need some guidance in this.

 

Thank you for reading this silly situation I'm in. If you have any words of advice on this is really appreciate it, I really want to know if I was wrong for feeling and thinking the way I do.

 

Thanks

[Zahara]

She's not ready to be in a mature, adult relationship. She's 18. She wants to party, she wants to hang with boys and she wants her freedom.

 

She was cheating on her then boyfriend. Now she is out with other guys while in a relationship with you. She's showing you who she is and what she wants in her life. Plus, I do not think she is really into you. I think you were a transition from her boyfriend.

 

You both want different things. You did the right thing by ending it. Regardless of whether you were too harsh or controlling -- all that doesn't matter. What matters is that you have boundaries and values that do not tie with her level of maturity and she is certainly not cut out for a committed relationship right now.

 

Also, if you have had a history of being cheated on - the next time you see a red flag, you walk away. When you found out 2 months in that she was in another relationship, you shouldn't have stayed. Life gives you lessons and you learn from them. You don't repeat the same mistakes.

[BerryB]

Thank you for your words of wisdom you don't know how much it helps.

[Zahara]

Thank you for your words of wisdom you don't know how much it helps.

 

You're welcome. Stay strong and be firm with your boundaries. If you want a relationship, then seek women that are like minded and understand what commitment entails. She's young and immature. Let her go.

[d0nnivain]

You were a fun BF while she was underage. Now that she's 18 the clubs & the prospect of flirting with lots of boys holds more appeal then you do. The fact that she was out partying on your dime & still didn't call you makes her that much less attractive as GF.

 

Your boundaries are fine. Keep them. Lose her.

[smackie9]

I have heard this story a million times...girl turns drinking age, goes clubbing, loses interest in relationship. This is why I always stress to leave the young ones alone if you so desire a proper committed relationship.

 

 

To add: There is nothing to be flattered about when someone dumps their SO for you.

 

You should have dumped her the min you found out about her other BF. Big red flag was waving in front of your face.