What can I be doing differently?

[cheeselouise]

I am a college student who has hit many dead ends with guys (ghosted, unrequited feelings to name a few). The advice I always hear is "get outside in the world." My first year of college I did not do that, so I get why that was an issue, but recently I have joined two more clubs and work 15 hours a week. I am out with people all the time. Nothing. What am I doing wrong? I am no longer the hermit I was a few years ago. I am coming out of my shell. Nothing. People also say that it will all happen in due time. Sorry but that's stupid to me. I am of the belief that I am in control of my life and dislike the idea that things just come up out of thin air. or in due time. I guess I just want some advice on what I could be doing better from my improvements already. I am personable and have many interests. I feel like I am just not loveable in that way no matter how hard I try. All my friends have managed to find people and it is hard to not be discouraged. I would love some input.

[Chilli]

Yeah , no one likes it but tis how it tis. But yeah some nudging never killed anyone and you sound like your doin fine it's probably just that you want it to happen right now and for some reason when we really want something to happen life gets a real kick out of making us wait.

Your as lovable as any don;t fret that stuff.

[ElKay]

I'm 27 and have only gotten dates from Online Dating... Okay, 2 with guys that reached out to me (friend of a friend or colleague's sibling), but those were two bad one-time dates.

 

Otherwise, all three serious relationships have started off with online dating just because I've had the same bad luck you do in "the outside world". At your age, you might still be successful with OLD, so you can always try that if you're ready to start filtering out the bad matches and that takes some getting used to.

[d0nnivain]

Be friendly. Smile & say hi to the people you encounter. Make sure others see you as approachable.

 

Most people think I'm aloof & cold. I can't help it but I do try to break the ice because I know people think they can't do that with me.

 

It's college. You will still encounter more immature ghosters but they are part of life.

 

Hang in there.

[cheeselouise]

I'm 27 and have only gotten dates from Online Dating... Okay, 2 with guys that reached out to me (friend of a friend or colleague's sibling), but those were two bad one-time dates.

 

Otherwise, all three serious relationships have started off with online dating just because I've had the same bad luck you do in "the outside world". At your age, you might still be successful with OLD, so you can always try that if you're ready to start filtering out the bad matches and that takes some getting used to.

 

What dating sites do you use? I used tinder for two years on and off and all I got was ghosted on dates. I don't think that's the site for me.

[Gretchen12]

How about your looks? Not overweight? good hair? nice clothes? Not way too much makeup, good skin care is important, good teeth, no bad breath...

[spiderowl]

I would say, be friendly, warm, welcoming, and chat to people. Maybe reveal a little about yourself - how you like the countryside, prefer coffee to tea, feel shy in company, or whatever - so the person you are talking to can feel they are gaining a bond of some sort. Obviously, keep safe and don't go telling people your surname or address, but just be approachable.

 

In the end, it is also a matter of luck and who you cross paths with. All you would be doing is maximising the opportunities for other people to get to know you as a person.

 

Another thing is to give people the opportunity to approach you. If you are closed off and look sullen, they might be less inclined to do so. If you are sitting in a social area with an interesting book or some craft hobby or something, people are likely to ask you about it. It gives them an 'in' to approach you. A friend of mine tends to carry a book around with him that is likely to appeal to women (Paul Coelho actually). He inevitably gets asked about it and, hey presto, he is chatting to a new woman!

[Rotn'roses]

You sound like you are being proactive. That is an attractive quality and you are sure to come across someone soon because of your efforts. Take heart, and dont get discouraged yet. Your life sounds like it is full of positives so count your blessings! The person who finds you is going to be lucky to! Keep that positive award winning attitude while moving forward with your plans! Who wouldnt want such a great catch, as a person working hard on their goals and stepping out of their comfort zones to look for a good, quality relationship?! I hope your loneliness turns into the joy you are seeking soon! God bless!

[shydad]

People also say that it will all happen in due time. Sorry but that's stupid to me. I am of the belief that I am in control of my life and dislike the idea that things just come up out of thin air. or in due time. I guess I just want some advice on what I could be doing better from my improvements already. ... I would love some input.

Hi cheeselouise, I agree! (With a "but".) I'm a pretty huge fan of online dating, as your efforts can directly impact what happens. The organic approach is slow, unpredictable, takes lots of effort, etc. Bumble has been awesome...it's so easy to get a conversation going, I love it! Here comes the "but"... But if you're in college, you have almost limitless opportunities. There are so many clubs and groups, filled with people your own age, this is an amazing opportunity which should not be squandered.

[ElKay]

What dating sites do you use? I used tinder for two years on and off and all I got was ghosted on dates. I don't think that's the site for me.

I've only had success with Okcupid since it can really help filter out matches that don't have much in common with me.

[nospam99]

I've only had success with Okcupid since it can really help filter out matches that don't have much in common with me.

 

I still 'look at' Okcupid (OKC) but with their, to me, crazy new messaging rules installed in December it's very difficult to keep track of who I've tried to contact.

 

Rules:

- You must Like a person to Message them

- If they do not Like you back you can see neither their profile nor the message you sent nor see that you have ever Liked or Messaged them. I try to keep track of who I've contacted. This rule makes that very difficult.

 

In additional, almost all the women of interest to me on OKC are also on match and/or POF. The chief advantage of OKC has become the addtional information about a particular woman that MAY be there but not on the other sites. That totally depends on how much time they've spent on their profiles. OKC has an almost thousand item questionnaire (I've yet to see one filled out completely) that CAN provide a lot of insight into the user's personality and values.

[d0nnivain]

What dating sites do you use? I used tinder for two years on and off and all I got was ghosted on dates. I don't think that's the site for me.

 

Get off Tinder & all the dating sites. It's college. Join a club. Hang out in the student center. Go to a party. Ask the cute guy in class to study. Go cheer on your team. There are a 100 ways to meet people in college. Close your computer, put down your phone & look around you at the people standing there.