Dont know ..

[robbysurfs]

Ex-girlfriend broke up with me May of this year. I had become unavailable and I was hitting some low spots getting depressed. Anyhow, She broke up with me. I went NC for a majority of the time except for in the beginning and the one time 2 months ago she messaged me and I asked her to give us another chance and she said no. I went NC and basically just focused on me and took care of myself. almost two months have passed since any contact and I messaged a girl on instagram that is a friend of a friend and asked her out and she said yes. I am supposed to hang out with her this Sunday. Last night I get a text from my EX out of the blue saying she misses me can we talk. I said yes we could talk. She sends me a text basically stating she has been confused and looking back there were a lot of things she did not understand and how she made mistakes and was owning her side of the break up and how much she misses me and thinks about me every day. I still love her but I am afraid and there has been a lot of trust that has been lost on my behalf and hers too I assume. She is not a bad or mean woman and we never had a very bad relationship we were together for about 2 years. I am 42 she is 34 btw anyhow I dont know what to do. Either way I dont think jumping back into our relationship is ideal and she agrees.

[jjb117]

Ex-girlfriend broke up with me May of this year. I had become unavailable and I was hitting some low spots getting depressed. Anyhow, She broke up with me. I went NC for a majority of the time except for in the beginning and the one time 2 months ago she messaged me and I asked her to give us another chance and she said no. I went NC and basically just focused on me and took care of myself. almost two months have passed since any contact and I messaged a girl on instagram that is a friend of a friend and asked her out and she said yes. I am supposed to hang out with her this Sunday. Last night I get a text from my EX out of the blue saying she misses me can we talk. I said yes we could talk. She sends me a text basically stating she has been confused and looking back there were a lot of things she did not understand and how she made mistakes and was owning her side of the break up and how much she misses me and thinks about me every day. I still love her but I am afraid and there has been a lot of trust that has been lost on my behalf and hers too I assume. She is not a bad or mean woman and we never had a very bad relationship we were together for about 2 years. I am 42 she is 34 btw anyhow I dont know what to do. Either way I dont think jumping back into our relationship is ideal and she agrees.

 

This is a hard one.

 

Man, I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I only dated my ex half the time, and it took me about a year to get over her. For you, it's only been since May, and only 2 months since you've last spoken. Though a lot can happen in two months, moving on from someone you got close with is not an easy task. But you must understand that you are vulnerable right now. That your emotions are clearly getting the best of you. So you must take the time to sit down and look at this situation logically.

 

1. She broke up with you. This is HUGE mainly because she made the DECISION that having you OUT of her life was better than having you IN it. Now think about that, right? And who is to say she won't do it again. Imagine if she did. Then at that point, she basically wasted more of your time in which you could have spent looking for someone better. That would suck, wouldn't it?

 

2. Why did she message you out of the blue? Okay for this, you will never find the answer to. This is entirely based off of your judgement. She could have actually missed you, and wanted you back. Or, could have only messaged you because you had asked one of her friends out. Though that means she still cares, she only reached out due to jealousy. That's more about her than about you. And to me, once she knows she has you again, she'll drop you so fast.

 

3. What is it that you want? You need to look back at the relationship and figure out the pros and cons. Also, have you dated in between? If not, then its really hard for you to understand what's out there. When things fizzled out between me and my ex, I thought i'd never find someone else again for me. And now, here we are, 3 girls later. Life moves on, you just have to figure out who you want to enjoy it with.

[shydad]

I dont know what to do.

Hi robbysurfs, I agree that there should be caution here. Supposing you both got back together, what has changed to solve the original problems? You seem to be saying she left you because of "some low spots getting depressed" but that you "focused on me and took care of myself". It seems like maybe the issues on your side have been worked on? You mention having trust issues with her. Can you tell us more about that, and what she has done to help resolve those issues?

 

I think what you should do first is consider what value you place on this second chance. The woman from Instagram you have made no time investment in, but with your ex you have a two year time investment. If you want to entertain the idea of reconciling, some serious discussion is needed with your ex about past problems, and what has been done and will be done to prevent those problems from happening again.

 

I think jjb117 makes some good points. I'm just focusing on the idea of if you want to go back to her, but you'll need to figure out if you want to or not.

[robbysurfs]

This is a hard one.

 

Man, I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I only dated my ex half the time, and it took me about a year to get over her. For you, it's only been since May, and only 2 months since you've last spoken. Though a lot can happen in two months, moving on from someone you got close with is not an easy task. But you must understand that you are vulnerable right now. That your emotions are clearly getting the best of you. So you must take the time to sit down and look at this situation logically.

 

1. She broke up with you. This is HUGE mainly because she made the DECISION that having you OUT of her life was better than having you IN it. Now think about that, right? And who is to say she won't do it again. Imagine if she did. Then at that point, she basically wasted more of your time in which you could have spent looking for someone better. That would suck, wouldn't it?

 

2. Why did she message you out of the blue? Okay for this, you will never find the answer to. This is entirely based off of your judgement. She could have actually missed you, and wanted you back. Or, could have only messaged you because you had asked one of her friends out. Though that means she still cares, she only reached out due to jealousy. That's more about her than about you. And to me, once she knows she has you again, she'll drop you so fast.

 

3. What is it that you want? You need to look back at the relationship and figure out the pros and cons. Also, have you dated in between? If not, then its really hard for you to understand what's out there. When things fizzled out between me and my ex, I thought i'd never find someone else again for me. And now, here we are, 3 girls later. Life moves on, you just have to figure out who you want to enjoy it with.

 

Your right in number 1 she broke up with me and this is a concern to me. I believe she messaged me because she generally missed me or maybe the grass was not greener. I am sure we delve deeper and talk but I dont want to just jump back into it with her.

[robbysurfs]

Hi robbysurfs, I agree that there should be caution here. Supposing you both got back together, what has changed to solve the original problems? You seem to be saying she left you because of "some low spots getting depressed" but that you "focused on me and took care of myself". It seems like maybe the issues on your side have been worked on? You mention having trust issues with her. Can you tell us more about that, and what she has done to help resolve those issues?

 

I think what you should do first is consider what value you place on this second chance. The woman from Instagram you have made no time investment in, but with your ex you have a two year time investment. If you want to entertain the idea of reconciling, some serious discussion is needed with your ex about past problems, and what has been done and will be done to prevent those problems from happening again.

 

I think jjb117 makes some good points. I'm just focusing on the idea of if you want to go back to her, but you'll need to figure out if you want to or not.

 

Th trust issues for me is will she just break up with me again because life gets hard. Our relationship was good until I got involved with the stock market and got so into it I was unavailable to her aside from that some other business ventures did not work out that ended in lawsuits and life got seriously hard for me and it put a strain on me and us. The way she approached me was she was afraid about the future for us but loves me and there was a lot she did not understand and was selfish and overwhelmed too. I think in a way a we could not show up for each other the way we needed. Well see what happens, I suggested grabbing a coffee and taking a walk. I am still going to meet the other woman tho.

[d0nnivain]

I would hear out your EX but not get back together. You are right to fear that she will only walk again.

 

Go on the date with the other woman & see what happens.

 

I was shocked to read your age since you said you met this other woman & asked her out through IG. Sounds like a very "young" thing to do & I don't mean that in a youthful flattering way.

[robbysurfs]

I would hear out your EX but not get back together. You are right to fear that she will only walk again.

 

Go on the date with the other woman & see what happens.

 

I was shocked to read your age since you said you met this other woman & asked her out through IG. Sounds like a very "young" thing to do & I don't mean that in a youthful flattering way.

 

I didn't exactly ask her out through IG but I messaged her and we exchanged numbers plus we have mutual friends. She is a photographer and so am I. She is 40 so not a big age difference, and a lot of people communicate through IG otherwise how would I get to talk to her?(Go track her down eg:stalk) Its about how you communicate that would presumably make it immature and I asked her to have a coffee with me. You should try it sometime and maybe not judge what you don't actually know or have no experience with my friend..

[preraph]

Tell her you can talk but that you are also dating. Don't say who or anything else. Guessing she heard about this date and is having the "don't want him but don't want anyone else to have him" feelings. So don't let it stop you from going on that date.