HumanMachine Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 Every single thread I have posted on here is about her I’ve fallen for the lies again Why am I so addicted to this girl? She has NOTHING going for her, no career, no driving licence/car, sociopath, cheated on me numerous times, lied to my face countless times, violent and emotionally abusive, a criminal. I am the polar opposite to this girl so why do I keep going back? Should I see a psychiatrist? There’s something clearly wrong with me as well Sociopaths are scary people. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 (edited) Best not to label your ex but focus on what’s going on with you. There are reasons why you’re attracted toxicity. You are extremely dependent on a person/relationship that tears you down. It’s apparent you lack self-worth and believe you don’t deserve any better so you cling to whatever little that’s being offered to you. Work on your self-esteem. You’ve lost it along the way. You should visit a therapist and make it your long term goal to reinvent yourself. In the meantime, change your number, block all access she has to you. Edited October 5, 2018 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 People get addicted to the highs and lows of toxic relationships. A normal relationship looks boring in comparison. Block and try to be single for a while. Self reflect and see why u need to be we with someone that needs fixing. threapy is always good too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 But, this time you've learned your lesson and won't go back, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 Best not to label your ex but focus on what’s going on with you. There are reasons why you’re attracted toxicity. You are extremely dependent on a person/relationship that tears you down. It’s apparent you lack self-worth and believe you don’t deserve any better so you cling to whatever little that’s being offered to you. Work on your self-esteem. You’ve lost it along the way. You should visit a therapist and make it your long term goal to reinvent yourself. In the meantime, change your number, block all access she has to you. I do feel worthless, like i’m her own personal slave. I’ve booked an apt with the docs this afternoon so hopefully they can point me in the right direction. People get addicted to the highs and lows of toxic relationships. A normal relationship looks boring in comparison. Block and try to be single for a while. Self reflect and see why u need to be we with someone that needs fixing. threapy is always good too. Yes I need to focus on myself, no rebounds. Every other aspect of my life takes a hit when we are together so it’s time to start rebuilding. But, this time you've learned your lesson and won't go back, right? If I haven’t this time then words couldn’t describe how stupid I’d be. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I do feel worthless, like i’m her own personal slave. I’ve booked an apt with the docs this afternoon so hopefully they can point me in the right direction. Have you blocked her? Removed her from all access into your life? Link to post Share on other sites
rudeb Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I do feel worthless, like i’m her own personal slave. I’ve booked an apt with the docs this afternoon so hopefully they can point me in the right direction.You are not worthless. You have just lost your inner voice and direction/path in life. It's very possible to get back on track. Since I'm already logged in here and skimming through threads, I'll copy-paste you the same reply I made in another thread: A personal tip that has worked well for me and friends: start training some kind of martial arts, wether it's kickboxing, thai boxing, western boxing, MMA, brazilian jiu-jitsu, karate, taekwondo, judo, wrestling etc. Any really athletic martial arts that demands focus and disciplin from you. You'll find a kind of inner strength that is hard to explain, and will let you overcome almost any obstacles in life without feeling helpless and weak. Also it keeps you from thinking too much about other stuff. When you're sparring, you're 100 % focused on the training and you forget about anything else. It's such a relief. After training you get a rush of various hormones that make you feel better about yourself. At least try it for a few weeks and compare the difference VS. before. Stay strong! You should really give it a chance. Try it for a few weeks. Quit if you don't feel any improvements. Martial Arts has a strange way of building up human being's self-worth and inner strength. Good luck, stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 Have you blocked her? Removed her from all access into your life? I have but she always finds a way to contact me. She’s quite inventive. You are not worthless. You have just lost your inner voice and direction/path in life. It's very possible to get back on track. Since I'm already logged in here and skimming through threads, I'll copy-paste you the same reply I made in another thread: You should really give it a chance. Try it for a few weeks. Quit if you don't feel any improvements. Martial Arts has a strange way of building up human being's self-worth and inner strength. Good luck, stay strong! Thanks. Yeah I must get back into a martial art, I used to enjoy BJJ. Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 Don't be so quick to label an ex as some sort of sociopath, or narcissit or nut job. This happens all the time on here- a person who you've spent months, or years, or most of your life with dumps you and suddenly they're "crazy". It reflects more poorly on the person throwing out the labels than on the person they're describing. Simply because it's clearly not true most of the time and it amounts to nothing more than sour grapes. "He or she doesn't want me, he or she is CRAZY!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 Don't be so quick to label an ex as some sort of sociopath, or narcissit or nut job. This happens all the time on here- a person who you've spent months, or years, or most of your life with dumps you and suddenly they're "crazy". It reflects more poorly on the person throwing out the labels than on the person they're describing. Simply because it's clearly not true most of the time and it amounts to nothing more than sour grapes. "He or she doesn't want me, he or she is CRAZY!" I have researched sociopathic traits and she fits 95% of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I have researched sociopathic traits and she fits 95% of them. Who cares what she is? What about you? What's your "diagnosis" of yourself? Instead of scouring the internet trying to psycho analyze her, you should be turning that finger around and figuring out what about YOU continues to go back to a person that you claim to be "scary". We often are quick to judge and label the other because we want to avoid facing the painful introspection into our own lives. Focus on you. Forget what you think she is -- time to figure out the what and why of who you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I have researched sociopathic traits and she fits 95% of them. Right. That's what all armchair psychiatrists say about their ex's after they label them with one or more personality disorders. It's funny how none of these traits existed before or during the marriage and suddenly appeared after it all was over. Like I said, when people read about someone name calling and labeling their ex, the common first response is "yeah ok, now what really is happening here". It doesn't do you any good to dwell, label, point fingers, blame, etc. Work on yourself and fixing your problems. We've all got some. Putting it all on someone else's socalled mental deficiencies won't get you any closer to your own personal goals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumanMachine Posted October 8, 2018 Author Share Posted October 8, 2018 She has now threatened “mess my life up” Do I keep her unblocked and try and reason with her Or call her bluff and block her Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 For God's sake, block her and start moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 (edited) She has now threatened “mess my life up” Do I keep her unblocked and try and reason with her Or call her bluff and block her Reason with her? You are addicted to this drama. You said you had already blocked her but you didn't. Why? Because you want her to have access to you. You want that attention from her. The advice was to block her so that she has no access to you. When will you start to learn the lesson? Edited October 8, 2018 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 So my exH is what my 2 psychologists described as a malevolent narcissist - I knew nothing about these things before one of them brought it up, I researched it and it totally fits but in truth, what I've figured out is that whatever label it is doesn't matter. What matters is how she makes you feel - consider her an addiction you need to cut off from your life. Remember the bad times rather than the good, and get yourself a good therapist - it took me the best part of 4 years to feel completely healed. I had to dig deep and be brutally honest with myself, but also accept that I was lied to and gaslighted and emotionally abused to the point where I didn't know truth from lies. Forgive yourself for falling for her and move on. Prioritise your mental and emotional health above all else - it will feel a little selfish at first but highly necessary. Surround yourself with a caring support system and you'll be half there. No reasoning. Just go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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