need advice or something

[DazednConfuzed]

I recently went on a vacation with my family. Along with us came friends of my aunt, with whom I am close. Their daughter came along too, that was only the second time I had met her.

 

On the way down to the vacation spot, her mom came up to me and told me that I should make a move on her because her boyfriend was being a ##### to her and I was a good guy for her. I didn't really pay it too much mind. But when we got down there, me and "Heather" hit it off pretty damn well.

 

We spent just about the entire vacation together, nothing sexual, but very heated. Allot of flirting and kiss here and there. Anyway, we became very close. During this time I learned that not only did she have a boyfriend, but they were living together. They had been with each other for 4 yrs as well.

 

When we got back I gave her my email address so that we could stay in touch. I wasn't going to try and move in on her while she was with someone. So I had resolved to let things play out. The next day after arriving she wrote me and asked for my phone number. This was back in the beginning of April.

 

Everyday since then we have talked on the phone. And it's still the same, she flirts with me allot and we would talk for hours. I go out Friday nights and she would tell me to stop looking for other women because no one else was as good as her. ##### like that...playful, but a little more than just a joke.

 

Last week her boyfriend dumped her. She would always tell me that she still loved him, but wasn't IN love with him, but no matter, I knew that it still had to hurt. And it did, she's really torn up over it.

 

My question is, how come she no longer calls me or writes me or anything? I am not expecting the conversations to be the same, but she is not talking to me at all. I have spoken to her once and she told me that she was not mad at me. Then she said that there is something going on between us that we're not ready to handle right now. What does that mean?? Any insight into the maze called a woman's brain would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Tony T]

For Gawd's sake. The girl just broke up with a guy she'd been with for four years and you expect her just to come and take right up with you....give me...and her a break.

 

She needs some time to heal. Four years is a very long time. And don't be entirely surprised if she gets back together with him either.

 

She was cozy with you during the vacation because you were something new, a diversion. You also offered her some excitement and other things she wasn't getting in her primary relationship. Just take it for what it was. She continued to call you for the same reason. She was getting something from you that was absent from her relationship. But that didn't mean she still didn't very much love her boyfriend.

 

Give this girl some time. She's is very correct. She is not nearly ready at this time to give you the kind of relationship you would want. She'll be hurting and depressed for a while and she doesn't want to be talking to you or around you. That's actually good. If she didn't have in mind that you could be a future possiblity for her, she would be calling you and crying on your shoulders about her ex. That's not something you really need to hear or be involved in if you're interested in her.

 

Go about your business. If could be months before she's ready for anything. Meanwhile, there are lots of nice honeys out there and maybe you can find one in the meantime. It's just really bad business to wait around for someone...because when she is ready, there's just as good a chance she could find someone else as take up with you.

[DazednConfuzed]

Maybe I didn't make myself clear or something. I am in no way trying to get her to go out with me now. Hell, I know that she has allot of healing and finding herself to do. I was just wondering why she wouldn't call me or talk with me anymore. That's all. I mean, yes, you're right, I do like and care for her allot, but I am not getting all crazy about this. It's just that this happened before and I didn't know what happened then either. So this time I decided to get myself informed. I do have one question...

 

She called me a little after I posted this note. She kept it very short, just letting me know that she was OK and asking how I was and stuff. My question is...and please be kind, some of us don't have the patience and experience that you do Tony...is there anything that I should do or should I just stay away completely? Like you said in your response, I don't want to be the "rebound" guy, and I don't want to wait around for her, but the boundaries of our relationship have changed and I am not sure where they are now. So, just tell me what you would do...

 

By the way, thanks for the response before.

[Tony T]

You ask me what I would do. First, I will cut and paste my recommendation to you from my first post:

 

"Go about your business. If could be months before she's ready for anything. Meanwhile, there are lots of nice honeys out there and maybe you can find one in the meantime. It's just really bad business to wait around for someone...because when she is ready, there's just as good a chance she could find someone else as take up with you."

 

And you're right. You didn't make yourself clear but that's OK. Just take her for what she is. Right now she's going through some pain and she's pretty flakey. I wouldn't give it a lot of thought. She doesn't sound like she's real excited about being involved with anybody right now.

 

I learned a lot time ago not to try to push myself into someone's life. I'll just be nice and if they want to be in my life, they can come my way or meet me half way. I suggest you play it very cool and go about your life.

 

If this lady has done this to you before, you can pretty well bet she has some serious issues you don't need to make a part of your life.

 

Whether you're interested in her...or even if you're not...the cooler you play it, the better things will be between you and her, whatever you want them to be.