confused1134 Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 I seem to have attracted more than a few women in the past that have said they are "scared", meanwhile, they have been the ones completely pursuing the relationship. I recently had a great 2 months with a woman. Passion out of this world, great conversation, similar likes etc. I was more laid back, and she was always wanting my company, constantly. And when I wasnt with her, I would get texts and emails, that were of the deepest nature..."I miss you so much". "cant stop thinking of you", "i can smell you in my bed" "I never felt this way before"etc. She also, started talking long term... Marriage, meeting families, travel, etc. All instigated by her. Then out of no where, she says she feels "smothered" She says she is scared, that one day I might leave her, she cant get too attached to me, and needs some time. I grew closer and closer to her, and I love hearing all she had to say and write me, so now it definitely hurts. She also wondered if it was too early to be "exclusive" I am thinking WTF!!! You love me, mention marriage, life together, cant stop seeing me, and all of a sudden we are not exclusive??? Is this some kind of ploy to see how I react? Is she not into me anymore? Could it just switch off like that? Do women really become scared, when they are falling in love, and back off? Or does it sound like she just has a pattern of this, and is just a thrill of the chase type woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 It really could be all of those things. I don't understand people backing off when scared. I was scared when I met my now husband because I'd been hurt and through a bad divorce but even though I was scared I didn't run away. Felt like it all the time, but I knew if I did I would probably lose him because he would be so hurt. Only time will tell if she was really into you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 She also, started talking long term... Marriage, meeting families, travel, etc. All instigated by her. so did you agree to all this krap CONFUSED1134??? If you did you made a fatal error. You job was to say the following and be a challenge: 1) "I'm not ready for marriage right now but maybe a few yrs down the road" 2) "I'm not comfortable with meeting your family right now, but maybe later" 3) "I'd like to travel with you but I don't think we're at that stage yet" Yes, she was testing you to see what you were made of and how desperate you were. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetie7 Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 I almost get the feeling that she is looking for some reassurance that you won't leave her and hurt her. But she also may be trying to put herself in the upper position. She wants you to know that you can't hurt her because she won't let you; but she does have the power to hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Sounds like some of the girls I have dated. Is this some kind of ploy to see how I react? No, it's probably genuine. Is she not into me anymore? Could it just switch off like that? Do women really become scared, when they are falling in love, and back off? Or does it sound like she just has a pattern of this, and is just a thrill of the chase type woman? Yes to any or all of these. There are an increasing number of girls out there who have this pattern of commitmentphobia. There's a German proverb which says that such girls frighten themselves with their own courage. It's not a new phenomenon, but it's definitely on the up. A quote from an 18th century physician on "hysterick women": "those whom they now love without measure, will soon be hated without reason". She enjoyed the romance. The stuff she said was almost certainly genuinely felt at the time. But some people just can't love consistently. A good litmus test: take a look at her friendships - is she in good standing with all her friends from years back, or does she periodically fall in and out of friendships too? Try googling commitmentphobia. Btw, Alpha is almost certainly right that playing hard to get would have given better results. Question is: would you want to prolong the agonies with someone who will never commit? Link to post Share on other sites
confused1134 Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I do agree that playing hard to get would have perhaps made me more mysterious, seemingly more of a catch.. I think, that i did a decent job of it. I was never all over her, I never even made plans ahead of time with her. But we all know, it is much tougher to actually "play" hard to get, with a woman you are actually very into. If you meet a beautiful, seemingly mature 35 yr old woman, you dont think playing games is the best answer...I would rather just be my real, sincere self. Sooner or later, we would have arrived at a point, in which she is about to back out, or go forward. If she does go forward, that might not last long either, if playing games is the best way. Cant be aloof and hard to get forever.. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 But we all know, it is much tougher to actually "play" hard to get, with a woman you are actually very into. If you meet a beautiful, seemingly mature 35 yr old woman, you dont think playing games is the best answer...I would rather just be my real, sincere self. Exactly. I don't see the point in playing games, either. Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Hmm And you say this happens all the time? Is there anything else to add? Link to post Share on other sites
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