Am i justified?

[Metalcraner]

So me and my girl are having an issue with her boss. I have a huge problem with the guy and it doesn't phase her. She's not full time with him, he pays her under the table whenever she wants to work. No schedule. He's sent her thousands and thousands of dollars and tells her not to worry about paying it back or working it off. He's looking for a place to rent for her (this job is not in the town we live in) so she can be there and work for him. He pays for hotels for her when she goes. He texts her all the time. Last night for example he texts her at 8pm saying "hey do you have the lights on" that's it. The whole situation in my eyes is completely inappropriate and I want it to stop. Am I crazy or justified in having an issue with this situation?

[Phoenician]

it is a deal breaker .

no compromises should be done .

[d0nnivain]

It may be above board. It may not be. It bothers you. It doesn't bother her. That makes you two incompatible. Go date somebody with a more conventional employment situation.

[somanymistakes]

So me and my girl are having an issue with her boss. I have a huge problem with the guy and it doesn't phase her. She's not full time with him, he pays her under the table whenever she wants to work. No schedule. He's sent her thousands and thousands of dollars and tells her not to worry about paying it back or working it off. He's looking for a place to rent for her (this job is not in the town we live in) so she can be there and work for him. He pays for hotels for her when she goes. He texts her all the time. Last night for example he texts her at 8pm saying "hey do you have the lights on" that's it. The whole situation in my eyes is completely inappropriate and I want it to stop. Am I crazy or justified in having an issue with this situation?

 

We're not in possession of enough information to know how weird the situation is, but you don't need our approval. You don't need to know if this is acceptable to US, you need to decide if it's acceptable to YOU.

 

And if it isn't then you need to talk to her about it, and either she changes or you break up.

[Mr. Lucky]

It may be above board. It may not be. It bothers you. It doesn't bother her. That makes you two incompatible. Go date somebody with a more conventional employment situation.

 

Well said. Metalcraner, unlike the metric system, there is no agreed upon international standard for justified girlfriend behavior. So the simple question is - does it work for you? If not, and there's no resolution in sight, time to move on.

 

Lots of girls out there not staying in hotel rooms provided for by their boss...

 

Mr. Lucky

[spiderowl]

It does sound odd. I would think that this guy has more than an employer's interest in her.

 

What does your girlfriend think his interest is in her? Is it the kind of way that employers in her business operate? I mean is she a holiday rep or something?

 

I think your girl needs to be honest with you about what this 'deal' is all about, otherwise, why should you feel comfortable with her being in such a dependent personal relationship? Is she his PA or something? Most PAs would want proper employment terms and conditions.

 

It does depend largely on the job, but good employers don't tend to 'pay under the table'. If they do, that means they can get round all the rules. While it may be convenient for both of them if no tax is involved, the downside is that there is no contract or rules for this employee/employer relationship. This could easily backfire for her too.

Edited October 6, 2018 by spiderowl

[basil67]

You want it to stop? Tough luck. You don't get a say in how she lives her life.

 

Where you do have a say is in whether or not you accept in the behaviour of a girlfriend. If you can't accept her behaviour, you leave. It's really that simple.