Another friendship down the drain?

[daisy pooh]

How do you know she's going to work tomorrow if you haven't heard from her?

 

Well if you had played the detective part right, you would have been thorough enough to read I wrote she responded after 24 hours. That's how I know. No mystery or conspiracy there.

[daisy pooh]

I interpreted the quote as testing as well.

 

OP, nobody is obligated to respond to your texts on the timeline which you prefer.

Illness is a very good reason to take a long time to reply to any attempts to contact someone. Remember that your friends have their own challenges which they are free to prioritize.

 

Hi, Betty. It's not really as trivial as responding to a text, I think... She didn't know what I needed, I wrote to her it was an emergency. If your best friend wrote a text after trying to call you and wrote it was an emergency, I have a feeling you would have at least tried to respond. And again, she has gone back to work today, so not sure about how ill she could have been two days ago, when even yesterday she knew she was starting work again today. That seems to me like the road to recovery. And not sure you read the whole thread, but I wrote how vocal she would get about me not being available (i.e. her last minute bridal shower invite, me taking a day to respond and her writing: finally!) Seems like she doesn't like when people treat her the way she treats them. And that is annoying.

[Ronni_W]

At this point you are annoyed at me and would do anything to see me as the character you have constructed me to be.

I honestly do enjoy all my fellow-LoveShackers and appreciate this entire community. . But to think that anyone here is so important to me as can get me annoyed in real life, is just not accurate.

Much less do I have the desire and time to construct personalities for people.

 

If you weren't trying to 'catch out' this friend, then you weren't. Period. What I think, or interpreted from what you typed, doesn't matter at all.

Edited October 12, 2018 by Ronni_W
Missed text

[stillafool]

Well if you had played the detective part right, you would have been thorough enough to read I wrote she responded after 24 hours. That's how I know. No mystery or conspiracy there.

 

Oh dear I'm not a detective but it sounds like a fun job. At least she responded to you. You seem to have quite a temper from your responses on this thread. I guess your friendship with this woman has run it's course.

[Barb1a]

I think you are too concerned about people that don't seem to be concerned about you. You don't seem to be concerned enough about your own needs and desires. Grant it, when people get married their thoughts about friendships will be adjusting until they discover their new friendship norm, so you do have to give her space for that. She's caught up in all the "stuff" of new marriage. However your focus should be on you and what you want for your own life. Work on your own inner wholeness. Also be aware that if you are not whole within you will attract and be attracted to guys that are broken. So, I suggest you work on yourself and when you sense your own wholeness growing get out there and attract the lifestyle you want for yourself. I also think you need a break just for calmness sake and from everyone Else's stuff so I've attached a link to a free pdf that might help.

 

 

https://innerhealing-live.lpages.co/biggest-hindrances-to-womens-emotional-health/

Edited October 16, 2018 by Barb1a
misspelling

[daisy pooh]

Oh dear I'm not a detective but it sounds like a fun job. At least she responded to you. You seem to have quite a temper from your responses on this thread. I guess your friendship with this woman has run it's course.

 

When someone who doesn't know me writes the following:"I guess OP's friend can see right through games", not sure how I should react. It's quite disrespectful. So if I don't take this type of disrespectful comments lightly and that means I have a temper... sure.

[daisy pooh]

I think you are too concerned about people that don't seem to be concerned about you. You don't seem to be concerned enough about your own needs and desires. Grant it, when people get married their thoughts about friendships will be adjusting until they discover their new friendship norm, so you do have to give her space for that. She's caught up in all the "stuff" of new marriage. However your focus should be on you and what you want for your own life. Work on your own inner wholeness. Also be aware that if you are not whole within you will attract and be attracted to guys that are broken. So, I suggest you work on yourself and when you sense your own wholeness growing get out there and attract the lifestyle you want for yourself. I also think you need a break just for calmness sake and from everyone Else's stuff so I've attached a link to a free pdf that might help.

 

 

https://innerhealing-live.lpages.co/biggest-hindrances-to-womens-emotional-health/

 

Thank you for your email and the link you have left. This is how I see it: humans are social creatures and I need people, I am an extrovert. When one of my closest friends hurts my feelings over and over again and basically makes me make her feel better about it - it sucks. It sucks that someone I was super close to is now so distant. We went out for coffee and she was on her phone the whole time, she managed to talk to me for like 35 minutes before she was like: okay, I am going to go home now. It's terrible, my heart is broken, this wasn't just any friend of the street, this was one of my closest friends. So yeah, guess this friendship is done. Too bad.

[Ronni_W]

When someone who doesn't know me writes the following:"I guess OP's friend can see right through games", not sure how I should react.

The person who wrote that DOES know you...through your own words and thoughts and feelings that you have shared on this site. Unless you have been able to show a completely different side of yourself here than you actually are in real life, then the person who wrote that, is, to the best information, working off credible knowledge.

 

There is no particular way that you "should" react, but a constructive way to react would be to really, deeply examine your own motives, to see if there may have been any type of game(s)

that you may have been trying to play with the friend in question, around this whole 'it's-an-emergency-and-I-need-to-borrow-this-thing-right-now' situation, and whether it was real

or just created as a rouse. And, then, if your self-introspection yields a 'yes' or even a 'maybe', then to delve further into your own psyche and motives. If not, then just ignore it.

All that can be, and is being, offered to you here is other perspectives and other possibilities, in the form of 'if', 'may have been', 'whether', 'if/then', 'if not, then', and the like - of course

it's up to you to figure out your own inner truths about any/all of it.

 

Again, if anybody here got it wrong, then we got it wrong...but it's still only based on what you yourself provided us to go on in the first place.

We can't take responsibility for what you gave us to work with, can we? (Maybe I'm not getting some basic thing that you're saying, asking or asserting. However, I don't mind to be told that.)

Edited October 16, 2018 by Ronni_W
Puntuation, and some added text.

[daisy pooh]

The person who wrote that DOES know you...through your own words and thoughts and feelings that you have shared on this site. Unless you have been able to show a completely different side of yourself here than you actually are in real life, then the person who wrote that, is, to the best information, working off credible knowledge.

 

There is no particular way that you "should" react, but a constructive way to react would be to really, deeply examine your own motives, to see if there may have been any type of game(s)

that you may have been trying to play with the friend in question, around this whole 'it's-an-emergency-and-I-need-to-borrow-this-thing-right-now' situation, and whether it was real

or just created as a rouse. And, then, if your self-introspection yields a 'yes' or even a 'maybe', then to delve further into your own psyche and motives. If not, then just ignore it.

All that can be, and is being, offered to you here is other perspectives and other possibilities, in the form of 'if', 'may have been', 'whether', 'if/then', 'if not, then', and the like - of course

it's up to you to figure out your own inner truths about any/all of it.

 

Again, if anybody here got it wrong, then we got it wrong...but it's still only based on what you yourself provided us to go on in the first place.

We can't take responsibility for what you gave us to work with, can we? (Maybe I'm not getting some basic thing that you're saying, asking or asserting. However, I don't mind to be told that.)

 

Asking me to react constructively to a comment that is everything but - is not really fair. "I guess she can she right through....", there is a tone to that sentence that is everything but constructive. The day I contacted my friend was one of the most stressful days of my life (I haven't shared why but yes, a hundred times over - I needed something and I needed it asap - I am not lying nor was my situation constructed around her - nobody is that important, I had a real emergency and needed a helping hand), it might have not been the question of life and death but let's say it was the question of mu future career). Not sure why you keep fixating on that.... asking her to help me over someone who lives half an hour away on a bus seemed like the most logical thing to do. Especially since I don't like asking people for favours and if I do it, that means I am really close to them. And she kept instating on how close we were.

[Ronni_W]

.... asking her to help me over someone who lives half an hour away on a bus seemed like the most logical thing to do.

If both the friends had the identical thing that you needed, and both the friends have been equally willing to step up and help you in the past, then of course it was the most logical thing to do.

As I said before, though, how you worded the situation made it seem that you could count on one of the friends more than the other.

[daisy pooh]

If both the friends had the identical thing that you needed, and both the friends have been equally willing to step up and help you in the past, then of course it was the most logical thing to do.

As I said before, though, how you worded the situation made it seem that you could count on one of the friends more than the other.

 

I am not trying to argue, truly, but I feel like I have to continuously explain. This girl, let's call her Bee, consistently insisted on the fact I was her closest friend in town, to the point she made a fuss about me not attending her bachelorette party (to which I was invited with one week notice). She was like: you are so important to me, it would mean so much if you would come, you are the one that matters....

 

Fast forward to a few months later (a few months during which I asked her for a coffee a few times, got turned down every time.) Now to the day of my emergency. I am going to assume you have a best friend. If your best friend tried calling you, and then sent you a text saying: it's an emergency..... would you wait 24 hours to respond? At this point I know she wasn't dying, she was at home with a bug - confirmed by her. It would have taken me 40 seconds to get to her building and borrow what I needed, or her husband could have met me half way - 20 secs only. That is all I am saying. To me that is above crappy behaviour. Especially since she didn't know what the emergency was.

[Ronni_W]

If your best friend tried calling you, and then sent you a text saying: it's an emergency..... would you wait 24 hours to respond?

No, I would not wait that long. My point is that I'm agreeing with you on that.

 

But, is that how "best friends" treat each other? For me, no, it's not. So, for me, how this girl treated you in this situation tells me that she does not consider you to be one of her best friends...

...even though you treat her like a best friend, and consider yourselves to be best friends. It is not being reciprocated (by her) in any meaningful way.

 

It's difficult when important relationships dissolve, or morph into something less than it was in the past; but, we still do need to acknowledge the new dynamics and not keep our same, old expectations.

 

Hugs.