Worth a second shot?

[bbsp]

We were seeing each other for about 5-6 months. It seemed absolutely perfect, almost too good to be true. Im a 31/M, always done well with women, dated here and there but nothing too serious in my adult life. This time it felt so different-- I truly wanted to be with her on a regular basis, support her, always make her smile. Any and every other woman was out of mind. The feelings appeared to be mutual from her end, for a while.

 

During the last month of the relationship, it became a bit harder to see her, and she started to become more and more emotionally distant. When we did get together, everything seemed fine though, Id still say amazing. Maybe I was blind. She had already explained to me that her career and company were taking off and she was gonna be extremely busy. I was fully okay with this, and was actually proud and happy to be with some one so motivated.

 

Still, I admittedly grew a bit needy as she became more distant. Not doing anything crazy, just trying to keep contact and make plans, while I felt she was not. Around this point I started to freak out in my head, I guess past relationship trauma as a teenager flooding back. Though I didn't say anything directly at first, Im sure my energy was projecting my sudden insecurities. Still, my intuition was telling me something wasn't right..

 

After about a week and half of her dodging plans I finally texted her saying I was confused and bummed out by the distance between us. She said she had been feeling a disconnect. We got together in person to talk where she claimed it wasn't the right time in her life and couldn't see it working. Yet, she "adores me" and it was "nothing I did" etc. In retrospect, I wish she would've been not so sweet about it and more up front.

 

Anyways, its been almost two weeks and the feeling of emptiness just wont dissipate. I sporadically just starting crying throughout the day. Holding tears back as I type right now. We haven't contacted each other and I've been trying my hardest to keep her out of sight/out of mind. I have to stop myself from using Instagram because she pops up in the search feed as the second person (Wtf?) and because I can see her viewing my stories (WHY?!). Still, I have to hop on the app for work related stuff. I also don't want to appear petty or heartbroken by blocking her (or should I?)

 

I've been trying to get out with friends and do the stuff I used to love as a single guy-- make music, work out, yoga, ride my bike. The sinking feeling in my chest remains. My biggest regret is we never had that serious 'relationship talk' confirming what we were or weren't. Did she just see me as fling? Were these feelings of love only on my end? It seems so unfinished but I also want to move on if its completely over in her mind.

 

I'm not even quite sure what the purpose of writing all this was. Encouragement to win her back? Advice on how to move on, get closure? Coping mechanism? I don't even know anymore. But if you've read this far, thank you for hearing me out. I would appreciate any thoughts or feedback on everything, especially a female perspective. Good day.

[robbysurfs]

We were seeing each other for about 5-6 months. It seemed absolutely perfect, almost too good to be true. Im a 31/M, always done well with women, dated here and there but nothing too serious in my adult life. This time it felt so different-- I truly wanted to be with her on a regular basis, support her, always make her smile. Any and every other woman was out of mind. The feelings appeared to be mutual from her end, for a while.

 

During the last month of the relationship, it became a bit harder to see her, and she started to become more and more emotionally distant. When we did get together, everything seemed fine though, Id still say amazing. Maybe I was blind. She had already explained to me that her career and company were taking off and she was gonna be extremely busy. I was fully okay with this, and was actually proud and happy to be with some one so motivated.

 

Still, I admittedly grew a bit needy as she became more distant. Not doing anything crazy, just trying to keep contact and make plans, while I felt she was not. Around this point I started to freak out in my head, I guess past relationship trauma as a teenager flooding back. Though I didn't say anything directly at first, Im sure my energy was projecting my sudden insecurities. Still, my intuition was telling me something wasn't right..

 

After about a week and half of her dodging plans I finally texted her saying I was confused and bummed out by the distance between us. She said she had been feeling a disconnect. We got together in person to talk where she claimed it wasn't the right time in her life and couldn't see it working. Yet, she "adores me" and it was "nothing I did" etc. In retrospect, I wish she would've been not so sweet about it and more up front.

 

Anyways, its been almost two weeks and the feeling of emptiness just wont dissipate. I sporadically just starting crying throughout the day. Holding tears back as I type right now. We haven't contacted each other and I've been trying my hardest to keep her out of sight/out of mind. I have to stop myself from using Instagram because she pops up in the search feed as the second person (Wtf?) and because I can see her viewing my stories (WHY?!). Still, I have to hop on the app for work related stuff. I also don't want to appear petty or heartbroken by blocking her (or should I?)

 

I've been trying to get out with friends and do the stuff I used to love as a single guy-- make music, work out, yoga, ride my bike. The sinking feeling in my chest remains. My biggest regret is we never had that serious 'relationship talk' confirming what we were or weren't. Did she just see me as fling? Were these feelings of love only on my end? It seems so unfinished but I also want to move on if its completely over in her mind.

 

I'm not even quite sure what the purpose of writing all this was. Encouragement to win her back? Advice on how to move on, get closure? Coping mechanism? I don't even know anymore. But if you've read this far, thank you for hearing me out. I would appreciate any thoughts or feedback on everything, especially a female perspective. Good day.

 

I just went through the same thing and here is what I got. I am a good looking guy have a okay career and my life is full. My girlfriend of 2yrs I am 42 she is 34 broke up with me in May of this year. I had become insecure do to life problems and became distant too. My girlfriend got cold one day and I knew something was up. She came over one night burst into tears and said she couldnt do it anymore. I was heartbroken and shocked because I thought it was a rough patch in my life we would get through together.

 

We had minor contact and I asked her to reconsider but she denied my requests and asked if we could be friends. In return I said i cannot be friends thanked her for all her honesty and said goodbye. I ignored a few requests to talk. I blocked her on everything and went (no contact) ... It did not hit me at first but it did like a month later and I was unconsolable and very sad. So I did what I have done in the past because I have been here before. I worked out a lot hung with guy friends talked about it and did the stuff I did when I was single. I had some hard days especially on the weekends but I got comfortable again being alone and doing stuff on my own again.

 

I say all this because in my experience sometimes they come back but some times they dont. Few months forward I am in a good place mentally and physically and my ex did reach out and asked to talk because she misses me and overall we did not have a bad relationship. We are going to meet up again this weekend. So my point is regardless of what happens between me and my ex I feel okay and if it goes south so be it but I feel like Ive moved on some and I am ready for new experiences and the sadness has left. I even have a date with a new women on Sunday. I feel okay about that too because I took the time to work on me reflect and heal. You will be okay just keep the focus on yourself and keep your side of the street clean. everyone has the right to do what they want and sometimes you have to live and let live and if its meant to be it will be.. Good luck brother and remember this journey and process because everything in life is for you..its all for you.. living life we grow and learn and live some more...

[BusyBD]

Hey, we kinda have a similar situation. Dated him on and off for more than a year. He is also very much focused with his job that we barely see each other anymore. I became needy sometimes but i kept myself busy too. We worked on it i told him it doesnt matter if we dont see each other a lot as long as we communicate thats whats important.

 

Our connection was great. He was different from the guys i dated and he said same thing to me. He feels comfortable with me and we also talked about our future and goals together. He asked me if i was ready to have kids which i said i wasnt because i was still in the process of building my career. However he finally landed a stable job after a year of shifting from different jobs. By the way, this was also the reasons for our 2 break ups before. He got fired twice which then he broke up with me. Somehow our connection was strong that made him come back to me after fixing himself everytime. Anyway, he broke up with me 1.5 months ago because he dont see our relationship working and that i still need time to get life together and he can't wait for me.

 

I was really hurt. I immediately went NC. Never heard from him either. I miss him a lot but i have to be strong. I need to focus on myself and my future career. Im not even sure if he will come back this time. But im not expecting anything too. Stay strong

[bbsp]

Hey, we kinda have a similar situation. Dated him on and off for more than a year. He is also very much focused with his job that we barely see each other anymore. I became needy sometimes but i kept myself busy too. We worked on it i told him it doesnt matter if we dont see each other a lot as long as we communicate thats whats important.

 

Our connection was great. He was different from the guys i dated and he said same thing to me. He feels comfortable with me and we also talked about our future and goals together. He asked me if i was ready to have kids which i said i wasnt because i was still in the process of building my career. However he finally landed a stable job after a year of shifting from different jobs. By the way, this was also the reasons for our 2 break ups before. He got fired twice which then he broke up with me. Somehow our connection was strong that made him come back to me after fixing himself everytime. Anyway, he broke up with me 1.5 months ago because he dont see our relationship working and that i still need time to get life together and he can't wait for me.

 

I was really hurt. I immediately went NC. Never heard from him either. I miss him a lot but i have to be strong. I need to focus on myself and my future career. Im not even sure if he will come back this time. But im not expecting anything too. Stay strong

 

 

Its so hard to let go when that strong connection was there (at least I thought it was)... Especially because I've truly never felt a connection like that with anybody ever before.

 

It's be almost 3 weeks no contact and I'm at the crossroads whether I should try to proactively get her back or just move on. Still have no idea what I'm doing