Just a thought.

[dyna85]

In reading these posts, I'm just like, God, I hope I don't end up with a jerk of a person who was a jerk to his ex.

 

There are so many jerks out there.

 

I think the way someone treats a person during a breakup speaks volumes for how sensitive the person is on the whole.

 

If someone can dump you after dating 1-2 yrs and just treat you like you're nothing, or play games with your head and act like he wants to be your friend (in the few weeks/months post-dumping), when really, he's just trying to assuage his guilt complex, that is not someone I would ever want to date.

 

If he can't be kind, of utmost kindness, when breaking another woman's heart, then f him.

 

I guess if I ever date again (hoping I meet someone worthy), I will want to know how his past breakups went and some details, like how did you treat her? If he broke up with her, did he try to have her agree to remain his 'friend' right away? To me, that is a big red flag and I don't want a man like this. Hell no.

 

Who the hell can be friends right after dating? I mean, I can see if it's a mutual breakup, maybe. Yet, if you're dumping someone, expecting that person to be on board with sudden friends-only status, is cold as hell, and lacks awareness for the other's feelings.

 

I just thought I'd share my thoughts on this topic. This is something I have thought of before, but when I was reading through the chain, I noticed some people deeply hurt by their ex - 'the dumper' - and being treated poorly in the aftermath, and to me, it just gets to me as I've been there.

 

Don't let someone treat you like 'oh let's not be strangers' - 'we can keep in contact' after he (or she) throws you out with the dogs. You deserve better. Walk away and keep walking, with your chin up, and fake it if you have to, until you make it. Don't let this person see you crumble or allow him/her to manipulate you into thinking you can *win them back* or just be friends. It's manipulation and it's further proof that the person and you are not on the same wavelength.

 

One thing I regret most from my first breakup is not just steering clear and not responding to the first breadcrumb. It would have kept my dignity intact.

 

Then again, I learned so much from the experience, and recognized never again to let someone drag me through the rubble.

 

If you choose to throw a good heart away like trash, you do not deserve that heart, which is likely more valuable than the one who threw it away.

[Beachead]

In reading these posts, I'm just like, God, I hope I don't end up with a jerk of a person who was a jerk to his ex.

 

There are so many jerks out there.

 

I think the way someone treats a person during a breakup speaks volumes for how sensitive the person is on the whole.

 

If someone can dump you after dating 1-2 yrs and just treat you like you're nothing, or play games with your head and act like he wants to be your friend (in the few weeks/months post-dumping), when really, he's just trying to assuage his guilt complex, that is not someone I would ever want to date.

 

If he can't be kind, of utmost kindness, when breaking another woman's heart, then f him.

 

I guess if I ever date again (hoping I meet someone worthy), I will want to know how his past breakups went and some details, like how did you treat her? If he broke up with her, did he try to have her agree to remain his 'friend' right away? To me, that is a big red flag and I don't want a man like this. Hell no.

 

Who the hell can be friends right after dating? I mean, I can see if it's a mutual breakup, maybe. Yet, if you're dumping someone, expecting that person to be on board with sudden friends-only status, is cold as hell, and lacks awareness for the other's feelings.

 

I just thought I'd share my thoughts on this topic. This is something I have thought of before, but when I was reading through the chain, I noticed some people deeply hurt by their ex - 'the dumper' - and being treated poorly in the aftermath, and to me, it just gets to me as I've been there.

 

Don't let someone treat you like 'oh let's not be strangers' - 'we can keep in contact' after he (or she) throws you out with the dogs. You deserve better. Walk away and keep walking, with your chin up, and fake it if you have to, until you make it. Don't let this person see you crumble or allow him/her to manipulate you into thinking you can *win them back* or just be friends. It's manipulation and it's further proof that the person and you are not on the same wavelength.

 

One thing I regret most from my first breakup is not just steering clear and not responding to the first breadcrumb. It would have kept my dignity intact.

 

Then again, I learned so much from the experience, and recognized never again to let someone drag me through the rubble.

 

If you choose to throw a good heart away like trash, you do not deserve that heart, which is likely more valuable than the one who threw it away.

 

This is a good post full of insight, honesty and reflection. I hope some of the people on here read it.

 

I've been down that road a few times accepting the raw deal of friendship with exes who've broken up with me or people whom turned me down after leading me on. I'll never take such a deal again.

 

It's always weak people who screw others up. The kind of people who haven't sorted their personal issues out and don't have their sh*t together that tend to use others' as a way to fill voids and numb pain. As these relationships progresses, it becomes less and less effective at filling the void and numbing the pain and they need more and more from their partners who coincidently give up more and more to make the relationship work. It's one way road to pain. They're broken inside and the only one who can fix this is them but they don't want the responsibility, so they make others try to do the fixing. They ironically break their partners and blame them for the relationship ending and/or suddenly "come to their senses" about what they're doing and run away from the pain and guilt of it all, to eventually find someone new and begin the process all over again.

 

Avoidance and lack of self-awareness at its finest.

 

The broken partner has to not only heal themselves, but are now also responsible for making sure that pain/darkness this person refused to deal with that they passed onto this person, isn't passed onto someone else in the same way.

 

Not many people understand how powerful they are and most don't want to because it means work. It takes strength to be responsible for self and others. If one or two people are like this..the environment drowns them out. If a large community of people are like this..they drown the environment out...and the few, strong people out there who aren't like this end up being drained of their loving qualities and they themselves become more reserved, skeptical or colder just to navigate around it. I think of it like a zombie apocalypse. An infection of fear and hate and avoidance and pain and related feelings just spread on and on.

 

Then everyone wonders why the dating world is what it is.

Edited October 6, 2018 by Beachead