Amazed at how much people don't care about your relationship status

[EthanBlack]

As a single bachelor male in his 30's, it used to be such a major source of embarrassment having to face my colleagues and acquaintances that I'm single. My paranoia about it made me look up articles online about single-shaming men and how prevalent it was. As with anything on the internet, once you look for something, you can always find enough information to make it seem like a univiersal truth. It took me a long time to realize that people just don't really care about you. Even sometimes your close friends don't care that much.

 

When I was in a relationship, people around me didn't care. The only difference I found was that usually staff such as waitresses or bartenders or store staff tended to be a little bit more friendly when I was with someone. But that's it. It's not like just cause I'm with a girl, society somehow saw me as more accomplished.

 

Also, during breakups when I was heartbroken and felt like the world ended, I noticed just how much the world carried on and didn't care. I remember sitting in on a work meeting and my mind was in turmoil and how everyone at the meeting was just urgently carrying on about work. One of my close colleagues who knew about my breakup, even he was like, "Look man, I know you're hurting but you gotta keep it together for all our sake. Life goes on but we all need to eat." There's a hierarchy of needs. People need money to survive. Love is essentially a secondary need. A lot of people just want to be able to make a living to live in relative comfort and security.

 

People tend to be more concerned about themselves. Even people in relationships, they are mostly thinking about their own relationship rather than others. Also, making friends with other couples isn't easy. Sometimes couples want couple friends and then find that it doesn't work. Also, sometimes even when you're in a relationship, you have this desire to belong to a wider community. People still need friends and the sense of community even while in a relationship. If anything, I find community to be more valuable than a significant other.

 

As a single guy, I don't feel embarassment or shame anymore. Sometimes it still comes out depending on the social context, like if I'm surrounded by couples but I tend to avoid occassions like that and so it doesn't happen often.

 

At work, I find that in this digital age, people are primarily concerned with getting the job done and productivity. If you pull your weight and you are of benefit to the team, nobody cares that you're single. They value you cause you're making a positive contribution.

 

And that's it. I just wanted to share that and hear your thoughts as well.

[Mysterio]

I have been in single since 2012 and I have no problem with my status of being single.

 

Sure its great to have physical affection and what not. If the couple is not in-synch. Whats the point.

[Blanco]

My observations have been that friends and family seem quite fixated on your relationship status when you aren't dating anyone. That slides to modest interest or indifference once you're actually with someone.

[Gretchen12]

You sound like up til now you've living on another planet, definitely a different world. And now you are sharing with us what you've learned about our planet. Where have you been??

[shydad]

It took me a long time to realize that people just don't really care about you. Even sometimes your close friends don't care that much. ... "Look man, I know you're hurting but you gotta keep it together for all our sake. Life goes on but we all need to eat." ... People tend to be more concerned about themselves. ... At work, I find that in this digital age, people are primarily concerned with getting the job done and productivity. ... I just wanted to share that and hear your thoughts as well.

 

Hi EthanBlack, they care. What's great about this situation is that if you're going through a tough time, your coworkers can maintain focus and keep the company going. This is what is great about being part of a solid workplace team.

 

I've felt the pain of a failed relationship, and now that I'm past that point in my life, it's pretty easy to see how supportive everyone was, including the people at my work. They did and do care. Most importantly, even though it's questionable if I pulled my weight, I was able to keep my job. I even received raises. Requests for time off were always approved. My boss helped me shop for Christmas presents (my mind was mush at the time). A coworker opened up to me and related a similar personal experience. Others asked me how I was doing. Do you think I was thinking "Wow, these are great people!" at the time? Probably not. But, now that you've made this post, I'm sure thinking about it (thanks for that!). Possibly you'll look back at some point and have similar thoughts. Most people are pretty great and really do care. You'll see!

[Rotn'roses]

Interesting topic. I always fell hard when a breakup occurs or when I had problems in past relationships and it carried over into my work or academic life. I guess I never expected anyone at work or in class to care and I was to embarassed to talk to anyone about my problems because I was getting financially and emotionally battered by the few guys I dated in the past decade. I saw no reason for how love could turn out to be so bad. It was heartbreaking and I was tired of sinning for nothing but rotenness.

I missed alot of class and work and it was the worst thing I could have done to myself on top of all the bad I had already endured. If you are alone in the world, or suffer mental and social handicaps, then I suppose you feel as if no one cares. But as someone else pointed out on your thread, they know of people that have cared for others going through a loss. I guess it all boils down to which category of person you belong to in life. Those who are alone suffer alone. To those who have little, the rest will be taken from them...is what comes to my mind.

[Rotn'roses]

Loners suffer alone. To those who have little, the rest will be taken...comes to mind. I am a loner and suffer alone at times of loss but as someone pointed out, there are other perspectives in the world and people who are not alone during their trials. I think the way a person perceives and relates to the world is what creates these differences in peoples lives.