don't know what to think!

[sarah]

I shared a very close relationship with my boyfriend of about 20 months. We were together all of the time (with the exception of work) shared vacations, family time, holidays, family dinners, family vacations, pets, gardens, leisure time, etc., etc. We maintained separate residences but would be together at one or the other. There was never any discussion of marriage, although early on he discussed a possible move with me and asked if I would go.

 

Recently he decided to take a trip that involved doing a favor for a friend he said. The trip was for two weeks. I was upset about the length of time he would be gone and that was hard for me to hide. He would get angry with me when I was upset. We talked several times for a couple of days after he left and then I couldn't get in touch with him. The next time I talked to him I tried to ask for a way to leave him a message if I needed to (I was taking care of things at his home), and he blew up at me and hung up. From that point on he would not answer any calls and there was no communication. I saw him briefly when he returned and he hugged me and tried to get me to keep money he had given me for expenses when he left (I didn't). He said we would talk later. After about two weeks I called him and left a message to please call. He did and said he would call on a certain day but did not. I have not heard from him at all since. Before he left for this trip I sensed a sort of desperation in the way he was acting with me, like it was important to leave in a loving manner and concerned that I would be there when he got home. In short, there were some very loving things that were done, but paradoxically some very cruel and inconsiderate things. He did respond to an e-mail some time ago and said he had not told anyone about what was going on and that I deserved better.

 

I don't know what to think or go from here. I have considered the possibility that he may be depressed, or met someone, or just needs some time. But I have no answers, no reason, and any assumptions I make are just that which begins with "ass". I was the last one to make a call, so I am afraid of doing it again to ask for answers. To make things worse, his parents have called looking for him, and we have mutual friends in the community that have been very supportive of the relationship and now I don't know what to tell them. One friend I have talked to seems to have no idea of what is going on, but it has been two months now.

 

Anyone out there with any insight? Does this sound like a stumper, Tony?

[sparkle]

Let's see..your boyfriend wanted to go on a trip for 2 weeks. Maybe I'm confused here or I misunderstood you, but

 

WHAT EXACTLY did you get angry at your boyfriend about???

 

That he was going on this trip??????? If so, WHY????? Jeeeeeeez, if I were this guy, I would break up with my girlfriend if she got upset at me for going on a trip. I'd realize that she was way too dependent, way too clingy, and was overreacting incredibly.

 

But again, I must've misunderstood you. What were you upset about?

[Tony T]

I smell another chick in all this. Yep, he's got something else going.

 

Even if there wasn't, and I have no proof one way or the other, I think you ought to ease on down the road.

 

I do agree with sparkle, though. He's a free man and can take whatever trips he wants for as long as he wants. Maybe you weren't telling the whole story. Maybe you are very demanding of his time and smothering. That could drive a guy to want to get away and lose contact for a while.

 

This is not a quality relationship. Go find a guy you can give more rope to, not be so demanding with, etc. You'll never have a happy relationship if you get so bent out of shape about things like trips, etc.

 

Now, in this particular case, the whole thing smells. You made some allusion in your last sentence that it's been two months now...I don't know what you meant there. But if you haven't seen him in two months, you sure are slow to take a hint.

 

Write his butt off.